Friends who tell you who you are?

Question

I have a friend I like, however it has been many times that we would end up arguing. But that's fine, - sure, people will always have different views. She is smart and interesting and is full of curious insights about people and the world. The thing that bothers me is that while she says a couple of nice and positive words about me, she then tells me things like "you are a difficult person", "you are unreasonable", "you are crazy", "it is impossible to tell you anything". I am starting to think that it's not all that innocent because it upsets me and it's like her perception of me is different from who I really am. I am no perfect, but there was no sitiation, when I would let her down or point out at her faults. Have you has a similar experience? Would you tolerate your friends defining who you are?

Answer 1

if she keeps putting you down like that she's not a true friend. i've had the exact same problem, one minute they're your best friend, the next they're saying stuff behind your back or whatever.

talk to her about it. you need to let her know it bothers you when she acts like that. if she only says stuff like that now and then when she's really frustrated, that's ok. but all the time isn't.

you have to "put your foot down" and tell her you aren't going to let her keep saying mean things about you all the time. it's tought but it's worth it.

also:::::she might be saying stuff like that to you bc she's insecure. try to put yourself in her shoes.

hope it all works out!

Answer 2

as long as she can take you defining her,,,it goes both ways....we should be able to tell our friends anything and visa versa...otherwise, how would we ever get an honest answer or honest advice...If what she say to you starts to really bother you, tell her so...