My husband lies to me, degrades me, and wont stop what do i do?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 6 months. I just had our first baby 2 weeks ago. I would think that because of all this my husband would have at least a little respect in me but he doesnt. For ex: Before our baby was born i made it very clear that he was to quit smoking (i had when i found out i was pregnant.. he didnt) because i didnt want her breathing it in the odor or the smoke. Well the other day i found a lighter in his stuff.. he denied knowing about it completely... I finally told him that i knew he was lieing and that he should be man enough to tell me and FINALLY he did. He lied to me about this how do i know he isnt lieing about other stuff? Not only that whenever him and i fight (which is often lately) he always calls me names.. i have threatened divorce on him bc of all the disrespect and he always says it will change but it never does. what do i do? Im finding myself losing love for him and thats not what i want, at least for the sake of my new baby girl. Help.

Answer 1

Go ahead and do tomorrow, what you will wish you had done years ago otherwise, and kick him to the curb. Get your divorce, raise your precious baby girl, and find a decent man that doesn't lie. "Once a liar, always a liar!"

Answer 2

I dont think u r in any position to place demands on anyone. U r hormonal still and no doubt have some pressing issues going on. However, this marriage is a 50/50 deal. If u do not want him smoking, then ask him to think of the baby, and designate a smoke room for him or have him go outside. U will never keep her from being around it ever, but right in her face i can completely understand and he needs to understand the effects on her as well. If he doesnt understand the effects, then educate him instead of demanding things from him. U have been there, and know that it is a hard thing to do to lay them down.

As far as him lieing to u, he was attempting to avoid an arguement that he knew would ensue if he was honest. U guys need to learn how to communicate and talk to one another with respect. Neither of u are showing any respect and right now, is when the two of u need to lean on one another. You both are stressed, as the baby is a huge responsibility and both of u r feeling the effects.
Marriage doesnt just work, u have to make it work. And you can do it. But u need to change the way you are communicating with one another. Try talking rationally and openly without anger and actually listen to one another. This is where u will find mutual ground and actually be able to resolve an issue.
Good luck to u.

Answer 3

he is probably going through a hard time trying to quit smoking. you had no choice for the sake of the baby. he however isnt hurting anything if he is not smoking around the baby. try to get him to cut back gradually and make a plan for when to quit. if he smokes 1 pack a day, then have him cut back by 2 cigs per day for a week or so and every week drop 1 or 2. i am in the process of doing this now because my wife will actually be delivering my son pretty soon. if its just the odor your worried about then have him take a shower and change before he holds the baby. hope this helps.

Answer 4

You shouldn't threaten to divorce your husband over a lighter and make accusations because of that. If you have your power go out, you're going to want to light a candle. Please calm down. You are full of hormone fluctuations and having a baby is a huge change in life.

Maybe you should go to counseling together. I can't tell much from what you have here. I don't know what he calls you or when he does it. If you got married because of the pregnancy, maybe you don't have the best foundation for marriage and you are both going to have to work hard to get the respect for each other that you need to make a relationship work.

Answer 5

You are probably both feeling the presures of having a child and its flipped your lives up side down, if you want your relationship to work as a married couple you need to be able to smile at eachother, communicate and be happy with your lives and raising this child. Small upsets can come to big heads for no reason really ask yourself is it really necessary to argue over the things your doing it over or is it something you can shrug off, as for the smoking, it was probably easy for you to give up because you were carrying the child it wouldn't be as easy for him, just ask him to smoke outside and clean off the smoke smells before going near the bubby, there are a lot of smokers and their babies turn out fine. You have to stop overthinking and stressing too much and get on with life, or your going to burst, and become depressed.

Answer 6

They say no one actually just wakes up one day and feel that they don't love someone anymore. Most of the time lack of respect for the other person causes the lost of love. His lying and constant fighting have probably resulted the lack of respect for him. But you should know that you married him and marriages are not made in heaven. Learn to work things out . Go counseling or compromise. Don't give up. Men are not perfect and so are we. Don't stay bcoz of the baby. Your child deserves a loving home and not parents who don't love each other.

Answer 7

I think you need to be not so rough on him. He's had a lot of changes in his life. Instead of saying "quit smoking" tell him "don't smoke in the house or around the baby." If he lies about it's because he doesn't feel comfortable telling you the truth. So instead of blaming him, think of what YOU need to work on to have a happy marriage. As for the name calling, you should talk to him about it, it's immature but then again, you threatening him with divorce is also childish.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but think about him as a man. Does he hit you? Is he lazy? Does he do drugs? Is he an alcoholic? If the answer to all of that is no, then consider yourself lucky and instead of pointing fingers...learn to grow together.

Answer 8

Ok, let me see if I get this right. Baby born 2 weeks ago, married 6 months ago(knocked up and married to save face)!!! Suspicious that husband is a liar cuz he is hiding his smoking habit because you made it VERY clear about what he can and CAN NOT do. You don't know if he is lying about other things. He calls you names when you fight.
Give your head a shake!!! Why did u marry him if you are SO unsure about him??? Why do you wait til princess is born before you start doubting your love??? Why are u nagging him and trying to control him(isnt that HIS job)? Girl, the only time you should really worry about things is when he is CALLING you NAMES during the makeup whoopie session and one of them happens to be your best friend's!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

its not that i'm siding with your husband. but it really is hard for some people to quit smoking. atleast he wasn't smoking near you and the baby. but i think it's too shallow of a reason to doubt him. give him some freedom. men hate it when you tell them what to do. there's a subtle way to do it.

but it's not right to call you names when you fight. i suggest that you talk with him about your problems and be open to his opinions. find a joint solution to every problem. meaning you both agreed to it. even if it means accepting something that you don't like. acceptance is the key to a lasting marriage

and divorce is not the solution to all problems. it should be the LAST option you would ever consider.

Answer 10

The Man smoked when you met him.

Now you think he disrespects you, degrades, and you won't stop hounding his ***. You are the definition of a NAG and when you NAG people will eventually LIE to get you off there back.

So if you really love that new baby girl start showing some respect for your MAN. Every time you get the urge to NAG or COMPLAIN do something for him instead.