when do u know its time to let your ex- go for good?

Question

My husband and i have been seperated since the new year... he moved out 1/1/07 we would just fight alot . we used to be best friends and got along great. He admitted to TALKING to another girl a week after we seprerated. He says they no longer talk ... i do still really love him ... and we just got married april,06 i dont know when to give up? he admitted to me yesterday he dose not know if he wants to be married anymore or " if he is ready?" im kinda thinkin its to late to ask that question!ghe still tells me he loves me and just dose not know what he wants and is asking me to wait for him to decide.. just need some help:) thanks

Answer 1

There's no easy answer to this troubling situation you AND your husband are in (and girl, if you two never got a divorce, then he IS your husband and not an "ex"). The best decision is the one that's truly best for you - for your mental and physical well-being. His actions and attitude suggest he is not committed now, and him want "time" to "decide" what he wants is just a stalling technique - he's already made up his mind, and you knew this the moment you two were separated. What's to decide now is if it's worth fighting for, is this marriage worth fighting for? It takes two, and unless he wants to try, you'll only end in more heartbreak.

And remember, he may truly love you still as he claims to, but loving someone and being committed to a working, functioning, and happy marriage are two different things. It's not you, it's him - a very helpless-feeling situation to be in, where the power play is in HIS favor and whether he means to or not, he's taking advantage of it at your expense.

Do right for you and ask yourself - what if kids were involved? (if they are already involved, then the only answer can be what will keep this man from continuing to hurt their feelings and self-esteem by his on again/off again relationship?)

Be strong, set guidelines for yourself before you talk to him, even write it down so you stick to it and don't get side tracked by "I still love you".

good luck sweetheart and hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 2

Sometimes people feel the need to "front" by saying they don't know-this is called PRIDE. Deep inside he MAY want to say "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH-LETS START OVER" but he has doubt, and is not willing to jump back into it. I am that way, and when my husband and I have troubles (as we are currently) I have doubt too. The problem is, when you really really love someone, you'll tell them what you're feeling before it's too late. If he is not willing to ask for you back, he either A. has too much pride, or B. simply does not want the commitment again, and is willing to consider the permanent split up. It'd be nice if he were more open, but you have to think what's important. BOTH of you took vows,, so both of you should work at it. If you haven't tried counseling, you should consider it. That's usually the last hope with best results. BEST OF LUCK!

Answer 3

No one can really give out the definite answer of when to let go.. obviously its only You who has the right answer . Letting go of someone takes a long time especially if that person meant a lot to you. I think we never let go of someone. Memories are always there but it think its the feelings that we need to let go of. The heart has a mind of its own. Maybe you are in a process right now where you are still lingering with the feeling and holding on the possibilities that maybe you can work things out. Take it one day at a time. Figure out what you really need to do and don't let his actions pressure you. Follow what makes you happy and you'll know what to do.

Answer 4

u argued because he was seeing someone else when he was still with u, he was talking to her way before he split with u, he is saying he doesn't know if he wants to remain married, that could mean he is not yet sure of the other woman he has been seeing, and if it doesn't work out he will be back to u. he is wanting for u to still be there waiting on him when he decides to leave her. personally it would be hard, because when someone is wanting to work on a marriage they usually stay at home, as the one who stays and fights it out is really the one who loves u, not the one who runs away and is seeing someone else. he doesn't want to be married, but he doesn't want to find himself all by his lonesome either, low self worth. if he were my husband i would ask him to come home, go to therapy, work it out, talk more, and if he won't u can bet this isn't even abut u or the fighting. yes your marriage was probably great once, before the other girl made her appearance. men don't just begin dating out of the blue, he already knew her, but if u lost his love so quickly and easily than maybe u need to ask yourself why u want him back?

Answer 5

hey I'm only 12 but i can give you some advice. and you will never get over him you loved him and you wanted to be with him forever and you shouldn't have to get over him right away. i think that you just need to cool down a while and hang out with your friends and talk to them they will help you make it through this hard time. and it will take a while for the hurt to go away but remember all the good times and then remember how he treated you and how He deserves the pain and misery you have had.

Answer 6

Unfortunately he sounds like he still wants to explore by saying he 'doesn't know', come on, after not even a year of marriage??? Think about what y'all were fighting about, maybe that'll help you get an insight if it is worth continuing...

Answer 7

If you are only seperated then he is NOT your ex. He only becomes your ex when you get a final decree of divorce. You are STILL legally married. A seperation is not a disillusionment of that marriage.

Answer 8

Let me get this straight now....he wants you to put YOUR life on hold, while HE decides what HE wants???? HE! HE! HE! Where are YOU in this scenario??? It's not all about what HE wants! You have a life too! Kick his sorry butt to the curb, get a divorce, and find a man that loves you....you sure don't have one now!!

Answer 9

let him go when you realize you dont need him nore want him.when do i know this?when you no longer think of him before you go to sleep.you wont be happy to hear from him when he calls and you find yourself losing interest. when ever he comes over its like whatever when ever he compliments you your no longer flattered in fact you'll stop caring. when you realize you have your eyes open 24/7 loooking for new people to meet.

Answer 10

he needs time to decide? what? you tell that s.ob. that he should of thought of that before the i do's. That is so unfair to you. If you think he is worth the wauit then do so. But I wouldnt spend alot of time waiting on this one. you deserve better. alot better.