after 13 yrs of marriage and i child he leaves me on april 1st 5 yrs ago he wanted to live with a family member who is old and because me and the his mum never got along he chose to take care of her this was his decision but why has it taken over 4 yrs for him to sign the divorce papers he kept putting it off..... he eventually did but now its like all our dreams r finished......we r finished even though i have known this for awhile its like now that i got the papers it is hitting me.......does anyone else feel like this .... my daughter who is 15 says she is ok with it all but i do worry about what effect this will have on her..... we r both there for her.... and she sees me and her dad as being good friends... we have both moved on in a sense ....its just abit too final i guess.....
2007-02-27 10:45:49 · 12 answers · asked by vonn_11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is your question? Sounds like you need therapy. Good Luck.
2007-02-27 10:49:45 · answer #1 · answered by tbear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when the papers finally come and the date is set, u know that the dreams u had and the man u loved will be gone, and even if it was expected, even if the marriage needed work, it still hurts, because u know its really the end. think it hurts us more than it does the kids. we always think that just maybe since the papers weren't signed that maybe the other person had a change of heart, but than they come and we realize its over and it does hurt, it feels like someone we were really close to died. there will be a mourning period, the traditional stages of grief u will be going through. but no matter how many times we planned it in out minds, when it does finally happen we are shocked, and sad.
2007-02-27 19:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah babe. It's the final door slam on all of those things you felt so close to your heart when you said your vows. You have got to look to the future however hard that seems and spur yourself on for both your sake and your daughter.
It hurts and will hurt for a while but it WILL get easier and always look at it this way...although you have both 'moved on' both of you could have something in the future. (Please don't rely on that though!!)
You both seemed reluctant to let it go. He didn't sign for four years but I bet you didn't push it either!
When my bloke got divorced, I wanted to throw a party but he was sad and I thought 'that must mean he still loves her!' It didn't. It was just that it was an end to twenty years, admittedly most of it bad but it was a long time to be with someone and not feel anything. He saw all you are seeing now and I could kick myself looking back at what an insensitive cow I was.
You need to make plans to get out. If you really do still want him then perhaps seeing you as a fun and dynamic person again will make it happen again. Stranger things have happened...and if it doesn't happen for you two, it may happen with someone else. And you AIN'T gonna meet him lounging around on yer settee!
Best of luck honey. I know it hurts and I'd give you a big hug if I could. It's upsetting but LOOK TO THE FUTURE and NEVER BEHIND.
2007-02-27 19:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a terrible feeling. It is like a death. If some one is seriously ill for years you know that they may die, but you do not really prepare yourself for it. Divorce is the same, like a bereavement it is final, and it hits you like a brick.
You will recover from it but you may grieve your lose for a while, because it is a lose, something you had so many dreams for just died, you are entitled to feel like this , divorce is sad.
However you are moving on and you have your daughter to consider so the pain will be much less. All the best !!!
2007-02-27 19:02:17 · answer #4 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I haven't been divorced so I can only say that the papers coming through makes it a reality, even if you knew this was coming....it actually hadn't come, until now.
Now it has and it is a blow. It will bring it all home to you that this is it. Your emotions will be strong around this time as you start to really adjust to what has happened.
You WILL get through this but I know it's not easy. Your daughter will be fine too as she will experience it in a different way to you.
Best wishes.
2007-02-27 19:00:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what the situation was like to end this relationship it's still going to be hard to come to terms with, you've spent a lot of your life with this person, of course it's going to hurt and when you finally see it in black and white it does hit you more. You need to let your daughter know you're both there for her, but now you need to start getting a life for yourself, start learning to be you again, find other things to do, interests or hobbies, meet new friends, learn to live again, get out there and enjoy life once more, go for it!
2007-03-01 09:51:15 · answer #6 · answered by sindy r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been living with the thoughts of maybe working things out one day it sounds like.Now that you have a paper telling you something different it is hard to accept.Give it some time and it will sink in.If you have been apart 4 years then there's probably not much chance in working it out anyway.
2007-02-27 21:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hard times should have gone by now and you should have moved on from the hurt you felt. Consider tomorrow to be the 1st day of the rest of your life. look to the future enjoy life again.
2007-02-28 10:19:09 · answer #8 · answered by robert x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My youngest was 15 when I got divorced. Your daughter will do just fine. Anyway, from the sound of your question, you're more upset about you than her....the finality of it all. You KNEW it was coming, just not when.
2007-02-27 18:54:55 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its because it its officially over. Dont think it would matter how long you have known its coming. Doesn't stop or lessen the blow when it hits. All the best to you
2007-02-27 18:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by Psycho Chicken! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋