I have just found out that my girlfriend used to be married. We have been together for 6 months and I knew she was with someone for 9 years and I didn't really think about it.
Now that I know she was married I am very confused.... Why?
If she was with someone for 9 years and not married should this be different? I think it is, she doesn't see why? Should this be something I think about?
2007-02-27 10:30:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it is jealousy and possibly even a little sadness that, if you were to decide that you wanted to marry her someday, that you would feel like she has "been there and done that". Or that maybe it won't be as special to her. I don't think this would be the case. There is a reason that she is not married anymore, and is probably very happy to have you in her life, someone who cares about her so much.
2007-02-27 10:36:39 · answer #1 · answered by It's Just My Opinion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it that you never been married. My boyfriend has a hard time with it to. He never been married and I been married 2X's. I first marriage 10yrs. I was young we were teenagers together grow into adult hood with 2 children we were each other first marriage. My second husband of 10yrs too he was never married before either until he meet me got married in had one child. Now that those two marriage are behind me. I have a boyfriend who also never been married in it brothers him that I been married. And you know what there's nothing I can do to make him feel better it's my past just like it's your girlfriends past. Did you say she don't see your relationship different then her marriage. If so what doe's she mean? I know everyday life is kind of the same. Paying bill, going to work, household chores things like that are kind of the same. But my boyfriend now is different then my ex husbands. Her relationship with you should be different. But if your just hook up on the fact she "was married" there's nothing you or she could do about that. Sometimes my boyfriend brings it up in I just look at him. I think it's the fact that I took vows before and he hasn't. I don't know. But don't hold that against her. If you want to be with this women. Read ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationship by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger.
2007-02-27 18:54:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter that much, however, it is just hard not to think of it as lying on her part. Or withholding the truth. She should have told you within the first 2 or 3 weeks of dating. What the heck, marry her anyway. Is she sleeping with someone and not telling you that either. You should ask her if there are any other pertinent items that she needs to air before you say the dreaded "I DO". Ask her if he was a better lover and then watch her face for the truth before she says a word...... that will make you crazy...lol
2007-02-27 18:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by Patrick G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the life of me, I don't understand why you're having a problem with her having been married before. Unless she had lied to you and specifically stated she had NOT been married - why is it such a big deal? I personally would be more surprized if someone was with a partner for 9 years and they were NOT married. In fact, that could be a red flag for me of sorts. It is NORMAL and common to marry someone you are in a long-term relationship with. I don't see anything alarming about her past. You need to get a grip on reality, for your own and for her sake; good luck.
2007-02-27 18:46:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact that she was married is really a good thing, instead of just "shacking up with someone" for nine years. It should not bother you at all, hell, it is obvious that she CAN commit to one person.... and isn't that what we all ultimately want?? Have an open mind about life my dear, if you already knew she was in a relationship,
what is your trip? If she LIED about it and you didn't know, trippin out would be understandable... but since that is not the case, RELAX
2007-02-27 18:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by bossfemale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be concerned. You're girlfriend has had something already that is way past what you have had with her so far. You can't experience the marriage together in the same way if she's already experienced it once with someone else. She didn't tell you about her marriage for a reason. She knows it has a bearing on your relationship and she's manipulating.
Drop her and move on.
2007-02-27 18:40:09 · answer #6 · answered by swingfromhips 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is because marriage is such a committment. It is easier to think of people dating and the possibility that it isn't that serious. Could it be the realization that she loved someone before? You are very new in your relationship, and you just found out. It may get easier with time.
2007-02-27 18:39:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jill R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether she was married or not before has no bearing on your relationship now. Just as long as she is still NOT married. She is still the same person no matter if she was married or not.
2007-02-27 18:36:10 · answer #8 · answered by dolphinnut798 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This maybe the Holy Spirit trying to convict you that it is wrong to pursue a relationship with a divorced woman. The Bible says we are to only have one spouse and that divorce is wrong. A person who has never married before who marries a divorced person is practicing fornication. And a divorced person who remarries is practicing adultery.
2007-02-27 20:20:15 · answer #9 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you feel kind of jealous because she was in love with someon before you and you fear that she might go back to that person. But you need to get over that and realize that the relationship she had before is over and it didnt work and she loves YOU now not the other guy.
2007-02-27 18:46:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋