Should married couples spy on each other's computer habits?

Question

Or should I ask it like this. Should we spy on our spouses emails and internet history?

Answer 1

Absolutely not!

Every well-adjusted, mature relationship involves a bit of personal privacy and space. If you have some legitimate reason to suspect your partner of something, then sit down and talk to them; confront them if that's what's needed.

Couples in stable relationships don't read one another's postal mail and they have no business reading (or checking up on) each other's email.

If you think you need to do this...your relationship is in big trouble, or you're paranoid. One or the other.

Answer 2

Sometimes people snoop on a spouse's computer because they think the spouse is cheating or having inappropriate relations. If it is found that the spouse is guilty, and you confront the spouse... the spouse then makes it about you being the one that "snooped." And not about the inapproprate behaviour. It's hard to be sorry for snooping, when you find what you're looking for.

Sometimes a spouse spys without any real reason. It really seems like a severe breach in trust. It is hard to recover from finding out that your spouse is reading you e-mails or worse.

I know of spy software that can be loaded onto a computer that logs up every key you type and saves it in tidy files for someone else to read later. This is unforgivable!

I hope whoever is snooping is ready for the marriage to be over, either because they discovered a cheater or because they had no reason to be snopping....

Answer 3

I will start this by saying I am separated and going through a divorce from a man who had internet "escapades" if you know what I mean. I suspected it long before it was actually confirmed. He would spend ALL his time at home on the computer. Playing online role playing games, talking to other players, which I later found out were various women with whom he had cybersex. He was also quite the porn purveyor.

We had two computers, he kept his password protected, which was a dead giveaway. He said it was because he had work stuff on there, but no one else but me would see it and he knew I couldn't care less about that work stuff.

One day he left his computer on, email open. Then I saw the one that proved my suspicions. Basically telling another woman how much he loved her and hated his "roomate" referring to me.

If you have reason to want to spy on your spouse's computer history and emails, then that most likely means there is a problem. The internet is great, but it can also be a very dangerous thing.

Answer 4

No, I don't think that this is a good practice in a relationship. If you have to read everything that is put into your partners email box and see every sight they have visited you may be a little paranoid. I think that browsing the internet is something that doesn't need to be traced. It may end up causing problems that don't need to be there. For example, if you do look at the history on the computer and find something you find weird, how will you tell your loved one that you were spying on them? I think a relationship has to be based on trusting one another. If you can't even trust them to search the net then how do you expect to trust them with your life, your kids and your future. Think about it before you click that history icon again.

Answer 5

Oh all this BS about trust. Trust is a made up thing and marriage isn't built on it. If you are married than it isn't spying to see what your spouse is up to why the hell wouldn't you want to know what he is up to. All these women who say they trust their husbands and don't worry about what they are doing on the computer are just setting them selves up for the fall in the end that they won't even see coming because they were to lady like to look. I love my husband and don't think he would ever cheat on me but that is just the thing I don't think it could happen and I refuse to be in the dark when it does. My husband knows I check out his emails and history and he knows he can check mine. If there is nothing to hide why would either get upset. And if you can't share each others lives and personal space why be married at all. Staying married takes alot of hard work but I truly believe if we women made it even harder to have an affair they might not happen as often. I don't look for the porn that isn't important and I haven't found anything hurtful yet but I won't make it easy on him by letting him have privacy just like I wouldn't let my child alone on the computer. Sorry to all you trustees.

Answer 6

Lots of people think so, but marrage is based on trust. I remember being a kid and having my parents spy on me. It's not like I was a porno-addict. I admit, I'm 13, but I'd get a divorce the second my wife spyed, but if you don't trust your spouse, you shouldn't be trusted either, and vice-versa. Hope I could help.

Answer 7

If you have to ask this question, then I would say you have much deeper issues with each other than spying on each other's computer habits. I would say that you both have serious trust issues that you need to discuss and work out - perhaps with a qualified marriage counselor.

Answer 8

I put it like this...If something is going on, it will be revealed to me; I don't need to go looking. I don't do too much snooping for this reason, but I admit, I do it sometimes if the computer is on and I get tempted. I don't dwell and go out of my way for it.

I did just hear of a guy finally getting busted though. It was sad to hear because this guy was a real big fat cheater, and was engaged. His girl went through his computer and found e-mails, pictures, chats and stuff. I felt really bad for the girl because she found a lot more then I think she could have imagined.

So if you're doing it...prepare yourself for heartache just in case you find what you're looking for!!!

Answer 9

hi smily,
spying means ur not trusting ur partner. even husband or wife could enjoy the freedom of privacy. then why to spy? pl remember the whole world runs on the trust. if u lose trust then everything will be finish.enjoy the life!

Answer 10

What is going on that you would even want to? No, you should not spy on each other. You should have more trust than that.