Given the choice, would you...?

Question

Given the choice in a spouse/lover, would you choose someone who is strikingly beautiful or deeply thoughtful (intelligent)? And the obvious, why?

Some obvious ground rules:

- No, you cannot have both.
- Yes, I know this is the Women's Studies section. I want a real answer, not one from a malecontent child.
- Male or Female participants welcome
- This is not a stupid people vs. pretty people question, take the hate elsewhere please.

I like the responses I'm seeing thus far, there is diversity in the responses, as I thought there might be. It seems that most sway towards thoughtful (male and female), with the majority of the beautiful votes being chosen by males.

"But why didn't you ask about character?"

Because ones character is unique to them alone, where intelligence and physical beauty are common experiences everyone has experienced at some point in life.

I'm glad this question has turned out so well. And, on the plus side, whenever someone says the guys who post in the Women's Studies section are a menace, I can point them this way. :)

Answer 1

a deeply thoughtful guy (although a beautiful one is always a plus) a marriage can not be based on looks alone.
Thoughtful guys are so genuine and sometimes hard to find so i would consider myself lucky to find one.

i now this because i have dated many "pretty" guys and they normally only care about themselves and im always 2nd. I have never dated a truely thoughtful guy. But i hope to in the near future.


GREAT question...you get a star!!

Answer 2

Well, IF I had to choose one over the other, I would probably take intelligent. Someone who can appreciate art and music and literature, someone who can think freely and critically, someone who is fun and spontaneous yet knows the balance, strikes me as far better than the beauty who cannot complete a sentence.

Looks will fade and they do offer a variety of obvious benefits in the short run. However, when the person is old(er) and no longer beautiful, it would be nice for there to be something else there.

I could write an entire paper on this, but I think that's your objective. For the record, BOTH would be better. I like having both - at least when we're not at each other's throat because we are so competitive.

Answer 3

My husband is very, very intelligent. Most people would quickly tell you that he's not the neighborhood "hottie," but his deeply thoughtful character, his ability to hold an intelligent conversation and his loving nature make him more than "striikingly beautiful" to me! =D

However, that is because I look for thoughtfulness in a spouse. In order to have a lasting relationship, I need someone who is capable of thought, someone that I can enjoy talking to and actually have discussions with.

Many people consider lovers a temporary thing, and change them as frequently as they do their underwear (And sometimes, they change them at the same time)! I can see where people in this situation would not consider thoughtfulness a neccessary trait. Rather, striking beauty would serve the purpose of a lover just fine.

I think you asked a great question. It's interesting to see people's answers. =D Thanks for contributing constructively to the Y! Answers community, and not wasting our time on BS.

Answer 4

Deeply thoughtful. Stupidity hurts. Of course, it does not mean that beautiful people are stupid or that intelligent people are ugly. No, not at all! It just means that I give the priority to the intelligence and spirituality and that beauty alone does not mean much to me. I have met many guys who could be said to belong to the category of beautiful, but the way they think and especially their (in)ability to keep the conversation with women, were simply refusing to me.

Answer 5

As a woman I choose thoughtful intelligence, because this is attractive to my soul and speaks to my heart.

It is not a passing thing. It is reliable and safe. And welcomes the mingling of ideas and feelings. Intelligence is inviting on many levels.

A man who can provide this to a woman becomes beautiful to her.

As a girl I looked at beautiful men and wanted them, had them, but did not keep them.

Thoughtful intelligence is a wonderful state of being.

Answer 6

From a woman's point of view,I'd rather have a man who is intelligent. A man with good business skills,will land a better job,and will be dependable on the job. He will take care of his finances,and support his family. He will not jump to conclusions,and will not do something spontaneously. He will be understanding and attentive to his woman,and will listen to his children when they have a problem. He will be respected,by his family,friends,neighbors and co-workers. He will be able to do things,that men are suppose to know how to do,such as fix a flat tire,build a garage,and make good love. He will be a "Jack-of-All-Trades".

An intelligent man has brains and brawn,both inside and out.
(Love: Squeakers)

Answer 7

Well definitly not just striking beautifull. I would have to move to a farm house 20 miles of any city to make sure she does not get pregnant with any bad boy in the vicinity. Intelligence is a good start, but more important is character. There are a lot of men who lost a lot of money to women who intelligently planned and executed their divorces.

Answer 8

Intelligent. Beauty only gets you so far. Nice to have an intelligent woman. it can only help the relationship.Though I will say, you have to be attracted to the person though to fall in love with the intelligence

Answer 9

Intelligent. I'm usually attracted to men primarily for their minds, anyway - sometimes before I've even seen them. An intelligent, talented man with a good sense of humor, (assuming he isn't hideously deformed!) will almost always be attractive in my eyes, but a stupid guy, no matter how handsome, never will!

Answer 10

I chose intelligence and thoughtfulness. I have had relationships with attractive people, but I was never really happy until, I found someone who I liked on the inside. He is not a model by any means but he is highly inteligent, thoughtful, and caring, and I would not trade him for the world.