My boyfriend has had an abusivechildhood,bad parents,he also has tried/experimented with drugs/alchol.Contrary to what you might think,he's a good guy,he's sweet,friendly,smart,really really likeable I care so much for him.He just doesnt have a good family life.I dont know what to do because I completely get his sit.,I have spent so much time thinking and crying about it,I UNDERSTAND,but I will never ever KNOW what its like.For me, I have always had pretty decent parents and a nice homelife.My schoolife has lacked,he only likes his schoolife,hehas tons of friends/popular.I want to be there for him for everything he goes through,but sometimes he is so difficult for me to get.He gets angry ALOT and idk.I can only love him but I worr my lack of notknowing what it is like might notprovide enough care/love for him.Also,I worry he might one day turn all his sadness to drugs/alchol-addict.I do love him..somuch. Even if we arent together later on, I want him to be happy,thats all.What do I do?
2007-02-27 09:09:54 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thanks for the last answers, I really appreciate it. I don't really know however who to be though, I mean I know he wants to tell me what hes going through, and I let him vent, but I dont know wether to try to help him in every way possible, or if that would be getting too into the situation and it'd make him feel violated, since its such a personal thing. I dont know wether to be the "rescuer" or someone to just be there for him to listen. How am I supposed to know what to do, cause its not really clear you know? All I want is for him to be happy, that might mean getting outside help for him, or just listening. I just get worried though, I love him so much I dont know... I want whats best... please help .. :|
2007-03-02 14:09:10 · update #1
I worry about him getting angry. Don't misunderstand, I can see why he would be. Just afraid he might channel his anger the wrong way. As for you, keep being his friend and loving him. Pray for him. When he is old enough, he ought to find his own place and promise himself to care and love the children he might have some day. Girls often want to be rescuers. Try not to.
2007-02-27 09:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you won't be his rescuer (don't try to be, either). But you can be a person who will not take his anger - and tell him that. He had an abusive childhood, you say, and sometimes parents say that they beat kids 'for their own good'; let's hope that he has not internalized that thinking and will use it someday against you. You need to show him that there are different ways of acting that are effective but don't involve violence.
You can be a positive influence only by being yourself and drawing the line when it needs to be drawn. Maybe he will feel after awhile that you too come from worlds that are too different and that works against the relationship. Well, make a point of keeping your standards high rather than lowering them. Make sure he sees that. And let everything work itself out from there.
2007-03-05 01:08:37 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
either ur my gf in disguise lol or u jus described my relationship with my gf....im everythin u jus said bout ur bf... and theres nothin u didnt say that wasnt me .. i deal with the life ive had everyday.. my folks.. my childhood...all u said up there... but u know when i fell in love with this girl.......... even though i didnt say it much.. being with her was all i looked forward to.. cause i knew i had her.. i trusted her....n i new i could talk to her anytime bout anythin...neways lemme not drift... if he was me ur bf i mean...... i think hes happy with u even if he maynot seem like he is.... he has u.... he feels safe and very secure.....and hes hasnt had much of security in his life so hes not sure or is afraid youll leave too maybe thats why he pushes u away at times.. but he really jus wants u to stay close to him he wont say it n i know its a lot for u but if u love him and have the patience with him.... he's gonna turn out to be one of the best men uve had.......... cause hes felt so much pain n all of it in the past.. n ur his angel :)
2007-03-06 20:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by I V X 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you not god your his girlfriend. its not your fault that his lifes the way it is. and yes its not his fault either but i moved out of home at 15 yrs old cause i hated it. i now am married with a child and have CREATED my own environment. he should do the same, just support him, u really put to much on your own plate. your only human,geez. treat him good what more could he ask for!
2007-03-06 11:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by jo.joggers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just got out of a realtionship wit a guy who has a very bad homelife...and you can do is be there for him but be careful becuase you can get a glimps into what he will be like by looking at his family, my ex became abusive and he was always angry and took it out on me...i tried for two years to be there for him...all you can do is listen try not to say your opion cuz they will think you dont undertstand even though you try....just be there to rescue him when it gets bad...good luck and be careful
2007-02-27 09:20:32 · answer #5 · answered by CRAZY 8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋