What should I do? Only real answers please!?

Question

I have been married for about 4 months. I want a divorce. this was a rushed decision we made to get married and I found out afterward that she only did it because she was jealous of how I was treating the next girl. Here's the thing tho, we have a daughter together who's 14 monthe now. We broke up for half of 2006, and in that 6 months I became real close to an ex-girlfriend of mine. I left her to marry my wife. I feel like me and my ex were meant to be together, my wife doesn't even compare to the kind of bond we have, it's amazing. I don't know what to do, I believe in trying till it's not possilbe to make it work, but I aslo believe that tomorrow is not promised, so I don't need to waste my time when I know I made a mistake and WILL be much happier somwhere else. But then I have my daughter who knows and loves them both, but she knows who her MOM is. I'm so confused. HELP ME!!!!

Answer 1

you sound like the situation me and my ex were in. but i was the one he left for his ex. they have a kid together and they rushed into marriage 3 months after he left me and it was all because she heard that WE were supposed to get married. i don't think he knows this yet but everyone else does. so what happens when he tries to come back to me? ehh, screw him. he left me when i was 8 months pregnant. i almost died having our son and then he almost died, was in a nicu for weeks after being born, and his father didn't give a ****. so i'm going to tell him too bad. he should have known. oh well.

if you know you will be happy, then go for it. screw your wife. she's using you. go back to your ex. because even though i said all that up there, i would forgive him if he ever came back, which unfortunately i know he will. even he said it wouldn't work out. i am just incredibly angry right now. and i am sure your ex is too.

and let me tell you what i think about the kids. my father died, so i had a stepfather from the time i was 6. he is the best father anyone could have, and i don't really care that we aren't blood related. in the end, it's who is there for you, who you cry to when you have a broken heart, who is the one in there with you when you are having your baby instead of the baby's father, not who your sperm donor is. or in your case, egg donor. your daughter knows that your ex, should you divorce and go back to her, will never replace her mother. but she can still be a positive mother figure.

Answer 2

Oh my.... what a predicament. Ok, I will spare you the sassy comments and the sarcasm, although I'm tempted to say that you seem quite inmature.

Let me give you some advice: The grass is not greener on the other side. Having a baby is a stressful situation, so is getting married; so your wife and you have overcome already two of the most stressful even in one's life time. Sure, paying bills and changing diapers is not exciting...but dear asker, that is LIFE.

You are now tempted by the fantasy of "what if". You seem "bored" with married life already...gee, it's quite a reality check...but let me tell you my dear, LIFE is not about dating, geting laid and getting drunk.....is about seing your baby grow, be ther for her first day of school, buy a first house together, grow old......

Anyone can swear they have a bond when there are no squelling infants in the home, no "honey do" lists, etc.... but, at the end dear, if you go withthe othergirl, she will too want to get pregnant and get married...so you repeat the story and have yoruself wonder if the grass is greener on the other side again.

I say, stop seing yoru ex-gf. This is no way of treating your wife by having an emotional bond with someone else. Be a man and avoid temptation, even if it strikes your ego. I'm sure yoru ex is getting a kick out of tempting you and playing with your head, some women love the ego boost specially if she thinks that she is getting back at her by doing so.

Is not easy ti be a mom, so cut your wife some slack. If yua re having problems with yoru wife is because you have your mind and heart where is NOT supporsed to be. If you stop seing the homewrecker things will be better at home. I promise...besides, a woman that insist on getting in the midlle of a married couple and a child is no catch as she has no moral spine.

Good luck

Answer 3

As you said, you made a mistake. I feel you rushed into this marriage without really weighing the consequences of your decision. You must rectify the mistake you made even though people will be hurt in the long run. But staying in a marriage where there is no love does no one any good, not even your daughter. Even after divorce there is no reason for you not to remain a big part of your daughter's life. Do what you know is right, and best of luck to you!

Answer 4

if you think you may even have a small chance with your wife you MUST break all ties with the ex.....I would give this a try first.. the reason is that people think the grass is greener on the other side... but after you two divorce... and your living with the ex , and you two get into arguments and she doesn't want you to call your ex wife about your child and when you go pick up your child for visits , will she be OK with that? will she give you grief ? because like it or not,, that child will make you and your wife have a bond for the next 18 years. weather the ex/new gf likes it or not. and you may think to your self. jeez i coulda stayed and tried this relationship out for a bit longer and blocked out all the other girls. to give the wife a chance.... so give her a chance and have a V-8

Answer 5

Wow have you gotten yourself into a mess!!! Why did you leave your ex to marry your wife if you feel this way. Your the only one that can make this decision, but if you want to try to make things work in your marriage you need to stop talking to your ex and start talking to your wfe. If she only married you because she was jealous then maybe she doesn't really want to be in this marriage either. You guys need to sit down and talk about what you want and what your options are.

Answer 6

I have no pity for you. You obviously don't know what will make you happy. You went back to your ex when you were happy with your girlfriend and got married to her. you should have stayed with the girlfriend if you had this amazing bond, you got married because she was jealous, sounds like you don't have control over your own life. You left this girl to get married, so now you have to make it work and forget about this other girl. She has probably moved on by now since you broke up with her to get married.

Answer 7

Wow, messed up... Listen you sound really young so I'm putting my mom voice on now. You need to follow your heart. Your daughter will be happy with you. Who you're with will make no difference in her love for you. However, if she sees you being the cause of anger and resentment in the home then that will affect her. This is really a decision that should have been made before the marriage. But what's done is done. Commit to a decision and do it now before it gets worse (and it will)

Answer 8

You have a right to the feelings you are having. Your daughter will have always have you in her life and that's what's important. If you don't want to be with your daughter's mom, then tell her you want a divorce. Confess your feelings to your ex. It sounds to me that you tried to do the thing that was "expected" of you and didn't really want to get married to the one you did. Good luck.

Answer 9

And you made a CHOICE to marry your wife for what reason? Hello...YOU put yourself in the position you are in now. Help yourself.

Answer 10

Man!!! You're in trouble. I say give it one more shot and try counselling. If that doesn't work, get a divorce, buddy. But, no matter what you do, keep your daughter and her welfare in mind. Good luck!