Unhappily Married. What should I do?

Question

My wife says she doesnt love me the way a wife should love her husband. We very seldom fight. I know she is not cheating and I do not either. Nobody would ever guess our marriage is this way. We have been married 7 years. We only have sex about once every 6 to 8 weeks and we only stay together for our child. He is a very happy child. I love her, but life would go on if she wasnt with me. However, I cant imagine not coming home to my little boy every day and hearing him call out DADDY!! I have tried everything to fix this. She wont go to counceling or really do anything else to try to make it better. This has been going on for about 3 years now. What should I do?

Answer 1

first... protect yourself... check out your state's laws on marriage & divorce...
second... if the marriage is really important to you, YOU go to counseling... or talk to a marriage/couples coordinator.
thrid... if after that, she still wants out... let her go. If you love something, let her go. If she doesnt come back, she was never yours. If she does, she is.

Answer 2

There had to be love that brought you two together in the beginning. For some reason, you and your wife had lost the feeling 3 years ago. A lot of marriages go through periods of boredom, but since you and your wife have been this way for 3 years leads for a lot of concern. I feel you two are too comfortable, probably never bring your true selves out of hibernation, so as not to upset one another. You probably feel disenchanted because you stuffed away in your deep self conscience the person you really are. Seldom ever fighting and not being happy is an indication of this. Maybe through counseling you both will be able to unravel all of this. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 3

Just on the face of things I'd say perhaps you'd better look into the two of you going off for a long weekend. This doesn't necessarily have to involve hot tubs, saunas, heart shaped pools and mirrors..although they CAN be fun. However find some small Bed and Breakfast or a nice, clean and decent hotel. Breakfast each morning, go for a walk, sightsee, do lunch in a different place each day, back to the room, swim in the hotel pool, have drinks, a nice evening dinner and then do what you both should be doing..alone..no kid around and away from home. just the 2 of you.

It may not be the complete cure all but it's a start on the right path.

Answer 4

You are doing the right thing in keeping the family together and creating a comfortable, safe decent home for your boy. Marriages are very difficult by nature, because all of the passion does die down and is replaced by a deeper commitment to work together and build your family. Your commitment is solid and you deserve alot of credit for hanging in there. But your basic problem is what to do - keep working on your wife slowly. Tell her you love her and want to build a strong relationship, want to restore intimacy, have fun more often and become a strong couple again, not just roommates. See if she might be depressed, or have something that is reducing her sex drive. Be positive, chip away piece by piece and enjoy your little boy every day. The alternative is to give up and risk having another man play daddy to your child (which would be the deepest level of hell for me), so it is worth it to keep trying. Good luck!

Answer 5

Take your time and really find in yourself what you need in the relationship to make it a real unity. Once you've discovered what it is that you need, then find some creative ways to seek them from your wife, perhaps just being goofy once in a while and laughing hysterically with each other. It is great that you both love your child so much that you go through every day knowing that you aren't as happy as you could be, but your son comes first. You have a chance to make it, you both just need to be clear in your minds what you feel is lacking and work on it together.

Answer 6

If you think you could stand living with a woman, who doesn't love you the way you deserve, for the sake of your child, and your wife is okay with it then stay.

But if it depresses you, then get a divorce. One of the major rules of parenting is to take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself you won't be any good for your son.

Even though your wife won't go see a counselor I think you should go for yourself before you make any life changing decisions. You can get all your thoughts in order and a trained counselor can help you make positive choices. And you never know...maybe if you start going for a while and your wife sees how good it is for you she may start going too.

Good luck

Answer 7

divorce and get custody. there is no reason why either you or her shouldn't be happy, and obviously you know you can be. it's better to divorce now when your son is young than do it later after years of fighting. he won't be so happy then. you can get joint custody and still see him every day. you should never stay together just for the kids, because it never works out and in the end they are the ones that suffer most.

Answer 8

if u love the boy u will need to stay there. u may need to begin to communicate with her, tell her how u feel but in a nice way, no sarcasm. she may want to make it better but just doesn't know how. love is a decision not a feeling. keep trying to get closer to her, maybe she has built a wall maybe someone hurt her once and she is afraid to show her feelings for fear of loosing control over her emotions.

Answer 9

What you should do is find out what she is unhappy about and then fix it. Have a nice, open discussion. Ask her what traits in a man would make her fall in love with him, and then cultivate those traits within yourself. Go on dates alone, hiring a sitter for your son. Re-connect to your intimacy with one another.

Answer 10

If she won't go to counceling, maybe you can bring counceling to her. If you attend a church, a lot of pastors will come to the house for counceling a couple.