HE DOESNT...or at least on time he doesnt. When a bill comes he is like "dont worry about it" and says he will pay it and then "forgets" despite me reminding him, and when I do remind him he gets snappy and bitchy.
He will let the bills slide untill the power is at 600 or more, phone at 200 or more, car paement at 2500 or more...He does have the money to pay it on time but refuses to, then blames me for spending the money when he doesnt pay the bills. Even though I tell him the bills need to be paid, he just doesnt listen and then blames me.
I am a stay home mom and so he is the money maker and Im the child watcher basically and I depend on him to pay bills on time.
He also knows I want a car and cant help but think he does this to have an excuse to not get me one as he likes me to be stuck at home while he is out of town working. This has been going on for years.
When I say I will get a job to help with the bills he gets angry, same with me buying my own car..what do I do?
2007-02-27 08:19:09 · 21 answers · asked by Bitsy B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I cant pay them myself cause he holds all the money in his pocket/possesion and thinks Im going to leave or something if I have the money in my possesion, he doesnt trust me.
He gets insecure at the thought of me controlling the finances.
2007-02-27 08:24:30 · update #1
pay them yourself
that's what my wife does
otherwise I'd be sitting here in the dark!!
but if your hubby doesn't give you a checking acct, credit cards, and a car, (and you can afford those things) then there's a MAJOR problem here, and i'd seriously consider demanding those things, or hiring a lawyer.
2007-02-27 08:22:03 · answer #1 · answered by slipknotraver 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Have you ever heard the clique "keep a woman barefoot and pregnant".Well I think that your husband invented it. Since you have I assume young children ,it is probably very difficult for you to work outside of the house, unless you can afford daycare or a babysitter. You need to be able to assert some type of independence for yourself and your children. Something that has been going on for years is not likely to stop without there being a struggle of some type. Why don't you write him a letter and give it to him to read when he is out of town so that he will have time to think about it and argue about why you should not be able to do what you want to do. In the letter state that you are an adult women who is not in need of a dictator. Tell him what you want and need and do not back down as I feel you have done in the past to keep the peace. If he does not want you to work outside of the house then you need to budget the money so you can put a little aside to purchase a vehicle for yourself. With children you need your own transportation, an emergeny or any thing could happened and you would be stranded since he works out of town If there is still a problem then I suggest that you take in other children to babysit or figure out another way that you can make money of your own. It is a means of control on his part, which I feel you may have accepted for a long time but now you are becoming more independent, which is a good thing.Be strong for he will want to keep you under his thumb. Much luck and prayers to you.
2007-02-27 08:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are practical ways to deal with this, such has having autodebt set-up from your checking account for all bills, and arrange to have the rest of them done through Bill pay or mycheckfree.com, however the root of the problem is that you and your husband need to get professional help here. This idea that he takes care of and makes the money only is useless for modern times. A marriage is a partnership and both have to be concerned about money matters. The fact that you have the money the bills and he isn't paying them is good, however, you need to make sure this is really the truth. If there are money problems at the root that he doesn't want to admit, then you should both work with an accountant for advise on how to best manage income and expenses.
I have seen too many men, allow their finances to be ruined because they won't allow their wife to be involved and worst of all, they won't seek professional accounting help. Even a book on how to manage your finances for home accounting would be professional help that is useful.
Get professional help, convince him that this is causing stress on your marriage and you are unhappy about this. By the way, since I doubt anyone has said this to you lately, a woman meaning you is far more than merely a "child watcher". You can do it!
2007-02-27 08:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by jumpingrightin 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He does have aproblem. Is there a budget class the two of you could take in your area? Do you have a checking acocunt (or him)? Or does he just cash his paychecks? He sounds like he is verbally and emotionally abusing you. Is everything in his name? Or joint? Maybe if you do the "envelope" plan for budgeting. Have an envelope for each bill, electric, etc. Put cash in each envelope according to the bill, and the amount of each bill. Have an envelope specifically for groceries. Make a shopping list, and stick to it. Show him the receipts after each time shopping. Keep a tally on the envelope ( or a piece of paper inside) for the spending you do. Don't take money from any other envelope.Maybe if cash only, go with him to get a money order for each bill, for when it is due. Wal-mart is the cheapest for money orders. Or post office. Keep the receipts from each money order each month. If he is okay with this, and when he is out of town on business, pay the bills due with money orders (check , if he prefers). Show him the paperwork after he gets back home. Please don't mention wanting a car, not for awhile. If he refuses to do any of this, and it's all in his name, he is responsible. If he wants to get a bad credit rating for himself, it's his problem. The only problem with that is you could hypothetically end up being responsible to pay off any bills incurred while with him, if he refuses to pay at all. I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-02-27 09:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I am a sahm too.. since your home and since you probably have more time (esp during naps or after you send the kids to bed) why don't you start budgeting and paying the bills yourself... Will him being late on the bills and so forth effects your credit as well... I just got a car myself and you know I dont even go anywhere...lol seriously! But another thing I do it I put 10% of each paycheck into our xmas account....which paid for my car... what would happen in an emergency? You should get a car... but I say take over those bills sweetie!
2007-02-27 08:26:26 · answer #5 · answered by *G* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My ex was like that. He refused to pay the gas/electric bill for the longest time because he thought "everyone should get that service for free". Uh huh, yeah, right, okay. Anyway, I guess your guy won't allow you to pay the bills since you're at home and can easily take care of it. You're in a tough spot, could you get a job where you work from home? There are some positions like that out there. Then you can make some money, but why won't he relinquish the checkbook to you? Hmm, maybe control issues.
2007-02-27 08:24:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
it's not that he doesn't want to pay the bills on time; he uses paying the bills as a way to control you and everything involved with you and your home; which is obvious from your last statement that he gets angry when you offer to get a job and help or work to save money to buy a car. He doesn't want your help, because if you have your own job and own money, he can't control you. There is nothing you can do to change him; you get to either live like that the rest of your life or you have to leave him and venture out on your own and take control of your own life.
2007-02-27 08:24:23 · answer #7 · answered by abc 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Do you have access to the bank account? You have the internet and online banking is not neccessarily dangerous so long as you have the protection. Iuse AVG freeware and Zonealarm and Spybot S.D. If so you could set up payment plans to help.
Some times us guys just do forget. I know I do, and I apologise on behalf of all guys for that. But it really sounds like he has a major issue. If he doesn't give you access to the money then he needs to catch the consequences of his actions. If the power gets turned off and he can't get hot food or take a hot shower thne maybe he will wake up. Otherwise seek some professional help.
2007-02-27 08:28:32 · answer #8 · answered by talkenyon 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he needs to be very considerate of you for wanting to things other than staying at home taking care of his babies.he needs to realize that there are kids in the home and that you need utilities to get by.dude what a jerk he's being.you should tell him that it's either he let you pay the bills yourself or your getting a job so you know the bills are paid.i don't think that he's fair about how he's handling YOU TWO'S money.you have a right to some of it also.it says so when he married you.
2007-02-27 09:40:09 · answer #9 · answered by Meow4Moe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he don't pay the bills you two will be too far behind and ruin your credit and wind up on the streets homeless lose your home or place you rent and he's controlling you not letting you have money or nothing boy i wouldn't stay with that kind of husband i would leave if he keep's with holding money on bills
2007-02-27 08:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seriously need to get a job at least a part time job. Save your money and buy your self a car.
Then leave and run as fast as you can.
2007-02-27 08:34:10 · answer #11 · answered by hayde_kat 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋