Do you think it is important for a womans sanity to get a break from everything to do something for themselves?
How many mothers and wifes to you think there is where they do not get breaks even if they really want one?
For the past 4 years the only time I could get a break was to put my son who has a disability in daycare and now I can't do that anymore.
And my family (my parents)and husband refuses to watch my son because he can be very difficult at times but I am at my wits end. I am not happy anymore I feel like I am unappreciated. I feel like my husband should above all else watch our son sometimes for the day so I can go out do something for myself, Hang out with friends, etc...
But how can I get him to without starting an argument?
2007-02-27 07:45:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He knows how to care for him right? Do what I do! After years of asking, explaining and begging for 'breaks I realized that my husband was a moron. So when I need a break. I get ready and let him know as I'm walking out the door (minus the kids) that I will be out for an hour or two. What can he do at that point? Nothing but take care of the kid(s) til you get back. Works like a charm. I come back feeling relaxed and energized and more at peace. Try it!
2007-02-27 07:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by Mom23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The next time he's home, and you know he's going to be home for a few hours.. tell him you have an appointment and when you'll be back.. this is where you'll be... etc..... but it will be hard to reach you. If I were you I'd schedule a massage, or something along those lines.....
Make sure that he has everything he needs to care for y'all's son available to him.. so that he can't accuse you later of leaving him without the stuff that he needed.
If he says you can't go...(God forgive him if he were MY husband)... ask him why?
Ask him when you get a break.. ask him when the last time was that he worked a 24/7 shift?? Ask him if he has forgotten that it took both of you to create this child.. You need to recharge for a few hours.. you won't be late. Give him a big kiss and a thank you and head for the door.
Unfortunately, the best thing that could happen is for your son to be difficult while your gone. Because when you get home and you're listening to your husband's trials and tribulations over the last few hours.. that is your opportunity to point out to him that this is your life 24/7... which is why you need a break ocassionally.. not every day.. maybe a couple of hours a week. But maybe now he understands.
Stay at home moms have the roughest jobs of all.... I had it easy when I went back to work outside the home.
Good Luck!!
2007-02-27 08:05:44 · answer #2 · answered by larsgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you have to get mad. It is not right that you are left alone with this burden. Your husband is 1/2 of your sons parents. Yes, he should pitch in! I'm wondering if you are in this position because you might be afraid to offend or burden anyone. You said, how can I...without starting an argument. Well, maybe an argument is what you need to have. Perhaps you need to be more aggressive to get the right thing done. Of course you are entitled to some recharging time. It is essential to your own mental health. It's not like you are leaving on vacation for a week or out playing golf 4 hours every day.
I wouldn't give up on the idea of looking for outside help. Schools are legally obligated to provide an education. They have to hire people trained to provide education to disabled children. The financial cost will not fall on you. I would do more research on that. Be persist ant! I bet there is a pre-school program, if not, when he turns 5, the schools can provide some help. Other options are to hire someone once a week to watch your son so you can have a break. If you attend a church, talk to your clergyman, they might have resources you aren't aware of.
2007-02-27 08:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
what happened that you are unable to put him in daycare anymore?
your husband should help you. that is his child too and it is not only your responsibility. would he not spend any time with him if he didn't have this disability?
you have to have time for yourself. even if it's just an afternoon off for lunch and a movie. you can look into hiring a home health aid or nurse 1 day a week (3-4 hours) so that you can get that break. if money is an issue, you can try contacting your local child services department. they should be able to give you information on support groups in your area. or you can look up support groups online. there is help out there for parents of kids with disabilities. i hope your are able to find the help you need and i hope your husband realizes that this is part of his job as a dad. our kids do not always turn out the way we thought they should (disability or not). but we are still their parents and we still owe it to them to spend time with them.
2007-02-27 08:00:30 · answer #4 · answered by fungirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him, you are stressed out and although you love your son, you need an outlet. Remind him that he gets out everyday to work and you are thankful for that, but you need time to yourself alone or just going out to the movies with a friend or something. Tell him that this isn't healthy. Your parents if they are physically able should want to help for a couple of hours, he is their grandchild. I wish you the best. If nothing else, ask a friend to come and stay with your son so you can go to the mall alone and get away, eat a pretzel at the mall and go to the Gap, its good for the soul.
2007-02-27 07:51:28 · answer #5 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would find a babysitter who can deal with special children. Maybe your Dr. can recommend someone. If he can't, maybe social services or someone from your church can recommend someone. I agree that your husband needs to step up to the plate and take over once in a while. That's really horrible that he won't. I think it's time for a heart to heart talk with him. You didn't make this child all by yourself. I know, he works hard all day long and deserves time off. Duh, so do you. Good luck.
2007-02-27 08:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tell him that you are going out to hang out with friends or whatever and you let him know that he will need to watch HIS children unil you return.Period. And then you leave. Stay gone for about 6 hours.
2007-02-27 07:53:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel in a loving, calm conversation. he should understand your need for a break. i know it's hard in general to raise kids, but i'm sure it's even harder when the child has a disability.
2007-02-27 07:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tell him that you are going out for a while, and leave him alone with your son.
I don't give a **** if he wants to argue. His son is his responsibility yoo.
Sometimes you have to "Just Do It".
2007-02-27 08:16:10 · answer #9 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what "Sad But True" said.
2007-02-27 07:56:51 · answer #10 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋