How can my mother "want" to be living with someone when she is clearly only pretending not to mind it?

Question

the night after my mother made my father leave our house in Maryland and go live with his mother in May 2006, a woman named Crystal from Albany, NY whom my mother had met online came to our house in Maryland and they made my brother, sister, and I pack everything we could in 1 day and move to Albany, NY and we had to leave everything else because I guess they thought if they took more than a day someone would try to stop them from moving. And whenever I tried to say anything Crystal would just yell at me until I was in tears and my mother would say nothing. I am in college in Maryland, so they had to take me back here in August. But while I was in Albany I noticed that my mother acted like she was just doing everything and pretending she did not mind doing things just because she thought Crystal would get mad if she did not do them even though I could tell she did mind. She also breaks down and cries whenever Crystal yells at her, and yet calls me immature for doing the same thing.

my mother acts like she does not mind doing everything like cooking and doing laundry while Crystal does so little, like she is just pretending not to mind doing those things and just pretending to be happy. And I know she really does mind because whenever Crystal was not around she always acted overwhelmed and would ask my brother, sister, and I to help her whereas if she was around Crystal she would try to make it seem like she did everything. It sounds to me like my mother does not really want to be living with Crystal, but is only doing so because she knows Crystal will yell at people and defend her. But of course my mother refuses to contact anyone in her family or listen to anyone who tries to tell her that based on her actions she clearly does not really want to be living with Crystal. So what is it going to take for my mother to understand that based on her actions she clearly does not really want to be living with Crystal, but is only pretening she does? Can anyone help me?

Answer 1

who is that woman?? good grief im sorry youre a minor so there isnt much we can do except recommend you talk to another close relative for advice....

Answer 2

It sounds as though your mother has low self-esteem and is allowing this Crystal person to control her.
Your mother needs counseling and needs to move out of Crystals home. Talk to her and tell her of your concerns. Let her know that you will do everything in your power to help her find her own place, monetarily, and be supportive of her emotional needs. Give her information on types of abuse: physical, emotional, etc. She really needs to get out of that relationship as soon as possible.
It may take some time for your mother to recognize that she is being controlled, so be patient with her.
Good luck.

Answer 3

have u ever just asked her why? bluntly. tell her u are confused by all that's happened and that u do not understand. also mention to her that she is telling her kids that its alright to take that kind of abuse in your relationships too. is that really the message she wants to send to u guys. i am guessing that u don't know all the details here though. i am assuming your mom left your dad for a woman and is probably taking alot of flack from family for this not to mention what she is catching from the x husband here. maybe this is her way of coming out. i maybe wrong but it kind of sounds that way to me. in either case u have to ask your mom some questions about her motives and tell her how u feel and what it looks like to you. if u are in college then u are grown and be ready for adult answers if she decides to give them at any rate don't forget that she loves u as much as ever but she is having a hard go of it right now so no snap judgments alright. good luck.

Answer 4

My ex did much the same as your mother...except she left the kids too... is there some kind of cult involved?... you do not mention if there is a sexual component... do you know what your mother did in the way of financial turn over?.... there is a whole lot more involved than you report... but your mother is in trouble if what you say is even part of the truth... seek legal councel... do your siblings agree with you?... then all go togeather... get all the legal info you can... good luck...