The father is my ex boyfriend. What can I expect of him? We still talk, and obviously still hook up. Just can't be in a relationship. We argue. He works 16 hrs a day. Please someone help!!
I've looked online for "father roles" and responsibilities. They all apply to people who are either married, or in a serious relationship. I know I'm not the first person to be in my position. But what can I honestly expect of him? I need him here for me. I feel alone in this situation. I need to know that everything will be ok. I need emotional support. And I don't know if I can expect that from him...please help!
2007-02-27 07:37:16 · 32 answers · asked by Danielle 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
well its a tough thing to say but YOU will probably be doing everything on your own. However as long as you are still getting along, get him to help you whenever possible, ask him to join you at appts when he can, and ask for his opinion on baby names, and what to buy. And this may sound harsh, but while he is still "willing" to help get him to buy you the things your going to need, a crib, a carseat, clothes, diapers, formula, babybath, lotions, shampoos, soaps, mobiles, monitors, etc..yes I know you may get some of these things at a shower but get some of them now. Get a friend to help you with the emotional, or maybe even mom. Because from the sound of your relationship, the further along you get the more he may withdrawl from you. And be prepared he may decide not to want to help at all, and most of all unless he proposes and you get married, don't forget to get that child support.
2007-02-27 07:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by HappyGoLucky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your ex boyfriend right. Ex as in he isn't with you now and he has another girl friend? If you two can't get along with out the pressures of a child, how is this going to get better with a child? You already know what you can expect from him. Is he there for you now, is he happy with the thought of being a daddy, does he care enough about your wants and needs to give a damn? Don't you have a parent or a best friend that can be part of your emotional team? Isn't there someone else in your life that is better equipped to help you. There are classes you can attend for free that can help you deal with this all the way through to the birth. Others in a group that are going through the same thing. Sometimes its best to swallow your pride and ask a relative for help. I've been there where you are now. It isn't an easy choice to have a baby. For your sake don't depend on your ex for to many things. Anything you get from him, consider as a bonus. And for Pete's sake stop hooking up with him. If he isn't IN your life then he should be OUT of it. Not just coming back for the sugar. Hang in there. There are other choices you can make. Adoption is one of them. Talk to a pregnancy counselor for all of your options. The guy at least will owe child support.
2007-02-27 08:03:28 · answer #2 · answered by peach 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad news: If you haven't been able to get the emotional support that you need, thus far, you will never get it from that guy (statistically anyway)
Good News: He is working 16 hours a day, so he is probably a good provider.
Solution: Find another guy that can give you the emotional support that you need - abd move on; have the baby, and slap the biological father with an Order for Child Support.
Final Analysis: Ole boy will be payin the bills for his little love tryst with you, for a LONG time...
2007-02-27 07:45:25 · answer #3 · answered by Badspe11er 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you guys fight as often as you say, and he works 2/3 of the day away, you can probably expect little to no emotional support. You should seek support of that sort from family and friends.
As for parenting roles, he may want to play an active part or he may want nothing to do with the baby when it's born. That's going to be up to him alone. You CANNOT force him to be a father in any sense of the word.
One piece of advice however: DO make him pay child support. He helped you make that baby; he MUST help to support that baby, whether or not he chooses to be a parent in any sense of the word.
2007-02-27 07:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one, you both are very young, I was 20 and pregnant too. When I had my daughter, rather if your with a boyfreind/husband or nobody, it is hard.
The father needs to want to help, if he doesnt then that is his problem and he is missing out on a lot.
I would not nag him about being there for you.
That won't help.
I would look towards other supports such as family, and maybe a support group for young pregnant women.
Hopefully he will show support as the time moves on, if not then like I said before that is his loss not yours, you are going to have a baby. And what is most important is you take care of you and your baby.
I hope this helps.
Good luck :-)
2007-02-27 07:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by honeybee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost keep ya head up because u are now somebody's mother. its gonna be hard but u are right, millions of women do it alone. And you are gonna feel alone, my boyfriend is right by my side but he works a lot too and i feel alone cuz it seems like he's never around. you know him better than any of us so u kno what he will do. give it some time to sink in and see how it goes. he may not realize the seriousness of the situation until later in ur pregnancy. just hang in there and if you have a best friend (unfortunately i dont i only have him and hes never around) or a parent rely on them for the emotional support for now. good luck and congrats. you may not be able to see it now but this is a blessing.
2007-02-27 16:08:28 · answer #6 · answered by jean grey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations. A baby is wonderful gift. About your question, you should first talk to your ex about the whole situation and ask him if he intends to be part of the baby's life. Legally, he should pay child support. Hopefully, you two will work something out. Most importantly, you need to confide in your family and friends, they may provide you with the emotional support you need. And lastly, you need to see a doctor as soon as you can so you get the care you need for the pregnancy.
2007-02-27 07:47:40 · answer #7 · answered by lovin' life... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to sit down and talk to him about it. You seem pretty sure that you and he can't be in a long term relationship. You may want to find out what HE expects will happen- talk about financial commitment, him spending time with the child- perhaps regularly scheduled, so everyone can know what'll happen. Every situation is different, and it's up to the two of you to work something out. Be honest with him about your fears and feelings. Good luck.
2007-02-27 07:43:42 · answer #8 · answered by foug3930 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you can't expect anything in your situation. Becoming pregnant wasn't a mistake - that is a miracle of grace. Having sex with a guy you weren't committed to and/or wasn't committed to you - now that decision was a mistake and has certain serious consequences regardless of your birth control methods. You can't expect anything from him or his family. You need to let him know what's happening but don't let him tell you what to do with your body. And don't expect him to be happy. Find a church where they have a Crisis pregnancy center where you can find alot of the things you need free of cost and help. You're really blessed to be pregnant - that may be one of the most wonderful things to ever happen to you. But it's not going to be easy going down the route you have chosen.
2007-02-27 07:43:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa V 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a single father, I can tell you that you can expect one of two things. Either he won't help out at all and leave you with all the responsibilities or he'll help out as much as possible. Dead beat dad's are very common any more and the fathers, such as myself, who pay for everything the kid needs AND spends more time with them than the mother, get a bad wrap. Depends on what type of person he is really.
2007-02-27 07:43:05 · answer #10 · answered by applbee1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋