I am 21 yrs, I am currently taking a year out from University before I do my final year. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I got pregnant about 2 months ago, it wasnt planned and although i was shocked, deep down i was happy and excited, i was really nervous about telling my parents and when i did, they were so disappointed in me, i have never seen them so upset, and it made me feel so bad because they had put so much money into my education and i felt i had really let them down so i booked to get a abortion, but at 7 1/2 weeks i miscarried, i was really upset and my parents were upset for me but deep down i think they were relieved. anyway i found out last week i am 5 weeks pregnant, i want to keep it, but i know my parents are going to be so upset and i am going to cause them so much stress, I just dont know what to do for the best, i dont want to hurt anyone, what should i do, im scared, please help!!!!!!??????
2007-02-27 07:00:03 · 12 answers · asked by mayleejane 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Hi Sweetie! And Congratualtions on that precious little life that is growing inside of you! I am really sorry that no one bothered to tell you that and the answers that you have received have for the most part been harsh and cold.
Even the best birth control in the world can fail. I know, I got pregnant twice using birth control and I do pregnancy counseling for a living! I could not take the pill because of health concerns and I had to do the best I could with other forms of BC. It does NOT make you stupid or careless that you got pregnant! You did not get to where you are in college by being dumb! You can still get your college degree! It is not like having a baby is a deadly disease or something! Women with babies graduate from college all the time! I should know I did it with four babies!
Listen to me sweetie, your parents will come around! They will just have to get used to it! I would not bother telling them until it is way past the point where they would expect you to abort your baby. And also I am so very sorry for the baby that you lost. I know that one baby does not replace another but this baby will help the pain to lessen somewhat.
By the time your parents find out they will just have to be adults and be excited about being grandparents! My goodness you are 21 years old!! They are acting like you are 15 and in high school! Mothers go to college all the time, in fact it makes you eligble for awesome student aide! Maybe you won't even need your parents help to finish school!
Right now the important thing is to focus on having a healthy beautiful baby!! Go see the doctor if you have not yet and start taking your prenatal vitamins, you really need folic acid right now, and in quanities that you are not getting in your diet! Take care of you and your sweet baby! Do not worry about your parents! You are going to be a mother yourself and you have your own baby to worry about! Take care of you and the baby, eat well and try to get plenty of rest.
Listen sweetie, one other thing, most colleges these days have wonderful day care programs and when you are ready to finish your degree you can leave the little one there while you go to class and pick him or her up afterwards! I started and stopped working toward my degree everytime I got pregnant! But I finally did it! Being pregnant is no reason for all this doom and gloom! My mother had a fit every time I got pregnant because she did not want me to lose my figure! She got over it and dearly loves her grandchildren! Your mom will be the same way!
Take my advice and Celebrate this new life that is coming your way! A brand new little person that is part of you! Someone that will love you every day of their life....you will be able to give him or her all the things that a little one needs. You sound like an intelligent person. You have not ruined your life! You are just having a baby! It is not like you found out you had a cancerous brain tumor for goodness sake! The days when a woman who had a baby had basically ruined her life are SO OVER!! The world has changed since those times! Women with babies can do anything and everything that women without babies can do!
Be happy and be healthy! You have much to be happy and excited about! Everything will work out exactly the way it is meant to! Have some faith honey.
Love and Blessings to you and your little one!
Lady Trinity~
2007-02-27 07:44:39 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Trinity 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, what's done is done. If you want this child, and I hope that you really do b/c it is YOUR child then it doesn't matter what your parents think. I understand that your parents were disappointed. Mine would be too b/c they have poured a lot of money into my education and still are and think all of that should wait until I'm done w/school. But the bottom line is that you are having a child. They are not the ones having this baby. Accidents happen and whether or not you could've been more careful doesn't matter anymore. What does matter is that you need to figure out how you will support this child. If you don't think you can provide a good home, (dont confuse "good" and "love". Loving your child is one thing and being able to support him so he will have a good home are two different things.), you might want to consider adoption. There are options with adoptions so you can still see your child. You could pick out parents now and they will be with you the entire pregnancy and you can arrange with them to still be a part of your child's life. Just not as a parent. Or you can do the usual adoption and you lose all rights and most likely won't see your child again. You can always change your mind as far as I know. If you decide half way through that you want to keep the baby you can do so and the adoption stops there. (Double check that.) Anyways...I really think once your parents get use to the idea and the fact that you will be a mother, they will come around and get excited that they will have a grandbaby to spoil!! You're not in high school and you have some education behind you. You can get a lot of school done while youre pregnant and a lot of times professors will work with you so you can finish. I wouldn't try to go for an abortion. It's not the baby's fault he is being brought into this world and he is never a mistake. A child is never a mistake. You should talk to your parents, let them know, and after a week or so when they have finally taken it all in, discuss the options you have and figure out what you need to do so the baby has a wonderful life. Best of luck!
2007-02-27 15:32:59 · answer #2 · answered by FLA*sun* 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If I was you, I would keep it. If you want this baby, you know deep down that if you abort this child you will most likely regret it. You can go back to school after the baby is born. It could be that you are meant to have a baby as this is your second pregnancy, and you weren't even trying this time around. Do what you know is right in your heart, but I personally think you should keep it because I have a friend that got pregnant last year and told her mom and dad. They said if she didn't get an abortion, they would have nothing to do with her again. Her daughter is now 7 months old and her dad says that he couldn't believe that he could love a baby as much as he loves Samantha and is so happy to be her grandpa!!! Your parents might be disappointed, but will always love you and that baby. Good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly this time around!!!
2007-02-27 15:34:42 · answer #3 · answered by kristin h 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, there are things to do to avoid getting pregnant. There is protection, there is condoms and I hear there are female condoms too. (don't ask me how it works!!) In assemblys they have told us ways to prevent things as well. I know there is birth control pills and I am not sure what else but you could ask a doctor what you can do to avoid it, although now it is too late. Really, to me you are old enough to take care of yourself and decide these things on your own. You aren't old, but you aren't young either. You are out of high school and on your own and I think it is not your parents decision. You need to explain this to them if that is what you feel. Also, do you think your boyfriend will take responsibility? Will he help you and stay with you? Do you want to get married? These are things you need to consider, a child needs a lot of care. If your parents really do not want this, you won't be able to expect them to help you, or at least not right away. I am not sure abortion is a good idea. but that depends on how you feel about it, many people have strong feelings against it. in the end it all comes down to you and ur bf. Good luck!
2007-02-27 15:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by smileforawile 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I went through the same thing a few years ago. My son is almost 4 years old now. I didn't tell my parents until I was almost 6 months because I didn't want to disappoin them. When I finally did, they were so disappointed and upset with me, they were not happy at all, but when they got used to it, they were just as excited as I was. Being a young parent is hard, but not impossible, just tell them and be patient with them.
2007-02-27 15:13:25 · answer #5 · answered by Kay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you already made this decision. I don't want to be rude, but I think you were happy to be pregnant the first time, and when you miscarried, you decided to get pregnant again. It sounds like you wanted this, and yes your parents will be very angry. Some people say that the first time there is a surprise pregnancy, ok, but the second time, you knew what you were doing.
2007-02-27 15:12:30 · answer #6 · answered by chemrose 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not trying to be cold dear, however your ready for your final yeah of college and you dont know how to use birth control????
I think that's really sad.
I'm sorry about your miscarriage, but if you didnt want them upset you should have refrained from unsafe sex. I'm sorry I think abortion is a a way of copping out for your mistakes.
If your old enough to make a baby your old enough to raise it. Maybe they would take the news better if you were married, but only marry him if your truly in love.
2007-02-27 15:21:33 · answer #7 · answered by tammer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think your parents are going to be more upset that you did not learn from your mistakes. they will probably wonder why you werent more careful and how you could let this happen again. Im sorry but i dont understand how educated people let things like this happen over and over again, it's basic biology, we know how babies are made. If you want to keep the baby then keep it, im sure if your parents will come around esp since you just went through this. Good luck.
2007-02-27 15:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by estkijedsco 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Seriously? Stop having sex! You are an adult, so you can make your own decisions, but if you knew going into it that you're parents would be disappointed, why put yourself in a position that you know is going to be stressful for you?
2007-02-27 15:44:38 · answer #9 · answered by sweet libra 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously THE MAN upstairs wants you to be a mom... he thinks that you can handle it, or he wouldn't have gave you the same opportunity twice!!! God won't give you nothing you can't handle and to bless you twice in a year with pregnancy... You can do it, and be happy!!! not everyone can even conceive!!!
2007-02-27 18:51:56 · answer #10 · answered by strawberry_shortcake413 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋