I moved back with my parents and 2 young children. It's been a month. My spouse and I have been in marital counseling for 6 months now but his insecurities and jealous behavior caused me to leave but 1 month ago proved that it hasn't been helping enough. The thing that did it was throwing water in my face because he was so upset with me. He constantly thinks Im trying to sabatoge him or be unfaithful. I miss the family unit and my kids want to move back. He seems nicer and willing to give us a try but Im hesitant. I'm confused!!!!
2007-02-27 06:54:42 · 39 answers · asked by Josie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he just threw water in your face I would not actually call that domestic violence, (rude, disrespectful, and mean, yes). However, if he has hit you in the past, and counseling is not helping, I wouldn't go back at all. If he is violent towards you, how long will it be until he turns violent towards the children.
2007-02-27 06:59:40 · answer #1 · answered by Speedy 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
His insecurities and jealous behavior are coming from his abusive nature. It's not even close to time for the second chance. Marital counseling isn't the only counseling that he needs. Your husband also needs to look into abusive controlling behavioral counseling. These are available everywhere, just call your local Center Against Rape and Domestic Violence. Until he learns to control this type of behavior his abuse will only get worse. Throwing water in the face is just a beginning of physical violence. The emotional abuse has probably been going on for quite some time you just aren't aware, or maybe you are. There a some great resources online for you to become aware of actions of an abuser.
2007-02-27 07:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by dancing11freak 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
They never change not even a b/f, they only find a better way to hide it those things are instances that will change when he really believes in God, whomever he chooses to believe, but no God would accept spousal abuse.
Remeber that it was once told to me and I'd much rather be alone then walking on egg shells, I've been there came back and got abused again this time I wasn't so fast to tell someone had to get real with me and make a decision based on where I want my life to be alone or abused.
Only you can be real with you and make the right choice, your intuition is telling you something, don't ignore it you've lived with this guy you know what he's capible of doing. You want to be a movie on lifetime honey, or talked about in past tense. This men snap and some have concluded they have serious issues. I would keep him at a distance like living separately for more than what you have close to a year a marriage is forever so...I would observe him.
Do what YOU know in your heart is best! We all miss the guy yes because we see his potential, but you don't deserve a man with tempermental episodes. Its your life, what do you deserve I'm sure your beautiful and in no way out the game. There are real men out there who would cherish you, will he do that and not let his emotions get the best of him?
I wish you luck honey, I left I won't go back, it only got worse when I did and I didn't like how I felt when I did. Because I changed and left I wasn't the same person anymore and I am happiest being independent and strong...yeah I miss him but I love me more.
Good Luck. Briana.
2007-02-27 07:05:22 · answer #3 · answered by Diva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a spouse displays jealousy and insecurity because of a much deeper problem than marital counselling can resolve. Jealousy and insecurity usually comes from fear. Sad as this may be, the behaviour they display can cause what they fear most, and that is for the person they love to leave them. Other situations that look to be insecurity are really in fact a need to control, which also comes from fear. . As these behaviours seem different, they in fact are very similar in that if taken to the ultimate can result in violence. Society tends to look down upon a person who is insecure, thinking them to be selfish, self centered people. When in fact these people suffer from feelings of abondoment. Even so, no forms of abuse should ever be tolerated for any reason. Your husband needs to involve himself in extensive therapy, and even with this he might not change. He suffers in his own mind and needs to come to terms with his fears in order to face them and make positive changes. After saying this, you alone can make a decision on whether to stay in the marriage or to go. Best of luck to you on whatever you decide.
2007-02-27 08:25:41 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If his behavior of abuse has happened more than once, you truly need to think about what your doing. Especially when you have been in therapy too. Throwing water in your face is bad enough, but if he has hit you with his hands, I would not go back. The thing is, it's not just about the two of you, it's the example you two are setting for those young children. If you feel you WANT to live your life in an abusive relationship, that's one thing-but the children don't really have a choice! Sure, they want to go back where their things are at, but they don't know any better-UNTIL LATER-when they are more grown up. Than YOU will see what YOU and YOUR husband have created. Believe me, it's 75% not pretty! You two aren't going to have anyone to blame, but yourselves. Have you ever put him behind bars? Or are you also PERMITTING him to not face that responsibility of his actions? He's got to start some where! I don't mean to sound mean, I just want you to realize your worth more alive than dead. Watch the news's, it's happening everyday. A man ends up killing his wife.
2007-02-27 07:09:42 · answer #5 · answered by sue d 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is violent there are no second chances in my book. This is a sickness that needs to be addressed and you are not strong enough to help him. He needs professional help if he is abusive to you and latter it could be your children. Is that the kind of life you want for them? You need to stay away and forget about second chances. Do you know how many women die from abusive partners. How many keep going back because they think he is better and end up six feet under. Then who is left to raise the children, Yea the one who took your spirit and eventually your life. Sorry that is no way to raise your family. You are all the small children have to protect them so why put them in danger? If your husband is that insecure about himself it will most likely never change.
2007-02-27 07:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by mellow 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe when you reach the age of 80 yrs old then think about it. The family will do better if in a stable.Non domestic violence seem.So stay home get a do------
move on .Yea he SEEMS NICER Remember places change people don't. It's your call & your life.Read these sites your not alone by any means.Get in a support group.Get help for yourself.Just my thought.
2007-02-27 07:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go back. I've been there before and he didn't change. I know how you feel and its hard to let go. I went Thur this and took him back to many times. He will need to get help on his own. Instead of water, I was spit int he face in front of my kids. I was in the domestic violence relationship for along time. I finally got out of it. Every time he did something wrong. The first word that came out of his mouth. I'm sorry I wont do it again. Get some help from your local domestic counseling group. They will let you know what to look for in him. Good luck.
2007-02-27 07:46:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sister, that was only the start of what GONNA me a bad bad thing.. I dont think you should, of course he is nicer now and seems to be sorry. I think you got out while you could, you could get so trap and scared that you wont be able to leave, I know its hard, but has he showed violence towards you or the kids i the pass?
Be safe and stay safe, do whats best for you..
2007-02-27 07:01:49 · answer #9 · answered by TIKI 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He needs individual counseling. be careful about going back. No one can tell you what to do, but statistics indicate domestic violence escalates over time. Counseling may help him get a handle on his issues and change and control negative behaviour, but don't think the problem will go away on its own. Let him know that if it occurs again there will be no more chances.
2007-02-27 07:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
he sounds very paranoid about life, thinking people are doing things to him they are not. he also needs to control his anger. but even with therapy it doesn't seem that he has learned much. actions speak louder than words. depends on how long he has been like this, and how many times its happened. but generally if one has been a victim of abuse they will have no confidence or self worth, and seem to draw these types of men. they may even blame themselves for what he is doing. no one deserves to be physically or emotionally abused ever for any reason. destroys self esteem, wait a while longer to forgive him, go for short visits, why shouldn't he be the one who has to move out of the home, he has some serious issues going on in his head. if he is accusing u of being unfaithful he is probably the one doing it. wait and see, go for short visits, and make him leave the home, and have to go elsewhere. he is the abuser u are the victim.
2007-02-27 08:20:52 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋