I met a wonderful guy through a friend, and we really hit it off! The only thing is, during the course of one of our many conversations I asked if he had ever been married... well, as it turns out, he IS *still* married, although in name only. Even though this is the case, it still makes me uncomfortable. Am I being selfish in wanting him to file for divorce (the reason he hasn't filed is he is "lazy", its my understanding that she cheated on him and that is what caused the split.)? They have been separated for about 11 months now. Any ideas on how to comfortably broach the subject with him? I think we could be together... well, he is amazing and seems perfect for me, for a really long time if we pursued a relationship. But I won't be with a married man, even if they are planning on "eventually" filing for divorce! Any ideas? Help!
2007-02-27 06:04:06 · 15 answers · asked by liebedich85 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Reasons for not divorcing: Taxes, and finances.
2007-02-27 06:17:51 · update #1
I dont know! ARGH!
2007-02-27 06:27:33 · update #2
Talk is cheap. The only way you will find out if he is serious about a divorce is to tell him you are uncomfortable seeing him while he is married. If he balks then I suspect he is using you. If he says he will file, then be sure he follows through promptly.
2007-02-27 06:08:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He may be lazy about getting the divorce, but he probably has reasons for not getting it just yet. The next time you talk with him, I would tell him what you stated above, and if he feels the same way, he can give you a call when the divorce in the works. To get too involved with him now may be asking for a broken heart.
2007-02-27 14:25:58 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you are perfectly right to not see him if he won't file. Why won't he file? Laziness really isn't good enough.
Just tell him you don't date married men and to call you after he files for divorce.
If it's such a great relationship, or if it's as good a possibility as you think, he'll call you at some point.
Bottom line is that's a lot of baggage to deal with.
I'm divorced and it caused plenty of issues on the dating scene, and even with that, I'd recommend for women to act very cautiously in these situations.
2007-02-27 14:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You let him know that it is not your standard to date a man that is still married. Let him know that once he is divorced, if he is still interested, then for him to call you. And then do not date him. If you do date him then they will be no motivation for him to file for divorce. I have a feeling though, that even after telling you this that you are still gonna date him. The decision is your. At least get him to file for divorce and get proof of this? Remember this, If he really in interested in you, believe me he would do anything to be with you.
2007-02-27 14:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this man is still married, then he wants to be married. It's not due to laziness or El Nino or money. Anyone can get divorced and if this fellow isn't ready to make that step to be free and have a healthy relationship with you, then he's not the right guy for you. We all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us. If his marital status is due to his laziness, then you can bet that your needs will also be dismissed and ignored due to laziness.
2007-02-27 14:08:54 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. E 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too lazy to get a divorce? That's a new one.
I suggest you find someone else. If he is too lazy to get a divorce, it signals bad things for you down the road.
2007-02-27 14:08:57 · answer #6 · answered by Harry Taco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to be with a guy who can't take care of his responsibilites. If you think he is lazy about a divorce...what else is he lazy about?
You tell him..when you get a finalized statement in your hand...come show me and then we will talk but not until then.
He doesn't want to let go of the wife for his own reasons...he just has trouble written all over him you ask me.
2007-02-27 14:08:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
There us a reason that he doesn't want a divorce. Can he not afford it? Does he want a constant excuse not to marry again? Is it for tax purposes? 'Lazy' is not n acceptable answer.
Also, isn't he a bit on the rebound to be in another relationship?
2007-02-27 14:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by ciao_gina 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Move on. I have been in this situation. He really is not worth your time and effort. When he learns that good women will pass him by because he won't get a divorce...he will get a divorce. Until then, he will remain married because it is convenient to do so.
2007-02-27 14:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have always found its best to be straight up out on the table HONEST.tell him what you think ,how you feel and see what he does.if he never gets the divorce then u will know what you have and move on .i wouldn't give it much time something like 6 months and that's pushing it and and and ask for proof or go with him to the attorneys appointments
2007-02-27 14:09:56 · answer #10 · answered by raindovewmn41 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋