I'm married, but my husband and I were not planning children. I am so nervous and worried, having anxiety attacks.. I don't feel happy about the pregnancy at all. I feel like such a bad person. Is this normal?
2007-02-27 06:03:49 · 17 answers · asked by shygirl1795 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You did not mention how old you are!
Your age, financial situation and general outlook on life will have a great deal of influence on this child.
No worries! Worse case scenerio is putting the child up for adoption. Many folks would love to be in your shoes but for whatever reason can not bear children. You will not have destroyed a precious life and you have fulfilled another's dream. A win-win for all.
Again, after a few months this pregnancy might grow on you
and you will not only reconsider but just might find you and your husband are excited to bring in and share with this new life.
Either way have patience. Think and listen to your inner voice and share your feelings with your partner.
Good Luck
2007-02-27 06:21:11 · answer #1 · answered by Mr realistic...believer in truth 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hello. I'm in a similar anxiety situation. For the last 5 years, I have only longed for a family. I'm forty, my husband is 48 and now that it is positive I'm fearful beyond fearful that I pushed this in the wrong direction. Where is the joy? I'm also Catholic, did IVF and so confused and sad. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It's a miserable feeling. All the fears are suddenly exasperated - our ages, financially, will I be a good Mother, thoughts that should have been resolved before the pregnancy are surfacing three fold.
2007-03-02 14:51:25 · answer #2 · answered by five 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel like you're a bad person...you're not and right now, thanks to hormones, you're probably feeling very overwhelmed. I am currently 27 weeks pregnant. My baby is also an unplanned child. My husband is in grad school and we're struggling to get by...then we find out that I'm pregnant. It can be hard to process when you're not planning on a baby. I also have depression and due to the pregnancy had to go off my medicine which made the situation even more difficult. I have spent most of my pregnancy with depression and panic attacks...I've been so stressed that my heart and mind won't allow me to feel happiness about the baby, but with support this is getting better...Now that I am 3 months away I am still nervous and scared...but starting to get excited and realize that I CAN DO THIS! Just know that you are not alone! Talk with your doctor about your anxiety or see a counselor for support! Pregnancy hormones can make depression seem unbearable, but you don't have to do it alone. Depression is a very serious thing...something that you can't "snap out of"
Also, lots of people are telling you that you should be happy and there's lots of people that want children and want to be in your shoes...this is probably making you feel worse. True, there are lots of people trying for a child...however this is not your situation...focus on getting yourself feeling better rather than trying to force yourself to be happy because other couples can't have kids and you can. Trying to do this will likely make you feel more anxious and overwhelmed.
Best of luck!
2007-02-27 15:01:24 · answer #3 · answered by LittleRoo 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is normal to have feelings like this, and you dont have to go at it by yourself! Look up a local support group for pregnant women, and go talk to other people about your concerns! It helps to vent, and could even change your perspective. Just think about all the people who are trying to get pregnant that can't, and how blessed you are. It may not seem like the best thing for you right now, but things do happen for a reason. If you are really worried about it, and cant handle a child right now, AFTER looking into your other options (including therapy or group sessions) consider terminating the pregnancy. Adoption is a better solution though.
2007-02-27 14:13:51 · answer #4 · answered by liebedich85 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First and foremost, inhale and exhale nice and slow. You need to quit getting yourself worked up over this. Obviously you two have decided to keep this pregnancy, and I'm sensing the child? The only advice to be given is that you have to allow yourself to come to terms with this child and relax a bit. Keep in mind how many people out there cannot have children and end up adopting which costs well over 20k for most. I know you are scared, I know it's out of nowhere, but keep in mind, the more stressed you are, the more stressed this child is. If you two decide not to keep the baby once born, that is your decision. You are doing more harm than good by worrying so much. You are not a bad person, you are a person who just didn't think would ever be at this point. Calm down, and go with the flow hun.
2007-02-27 14:54:37 · answer #5 · answered by Harley 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I really feel for you I was in your position last year. You will have a lot of emotions to go through like we did. We eventually came to accept and then look forward to it though neither of us wanted children initially. I then had a miscarriage at 3 months and would have given anything to get that pregnancy back. I'm back to my old 'happy to be childless and stay that way' state but it was an emotional rollercoaster. don't feel bad, many many others have felt the same and it's natural under your circumstances in that your plans and thoughts didn't include a pregnancy. Try to adjust as best you can, and it's true that the instincts do kick in, trust me.
2007-02-27 14:10:51 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well I really dont understand why you feel like a bad person. Look lots of kids are born every day were not planned but you have made a decision so enjoy it. Even if this is something you never dreamed would happen there are plenty of worse things you could get than pregnant. If it continues for too long tho you may want to talk with a trusted confidant or couselor to work out your problems with it. Change is not comfortable and change like this life changing so if you feel the need go and talk and get it out before the child is born so you can enjoy your parenthood.
2007-02-27 14:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are normal. The plan for your life has just changed in a big way that you didn't expect and it's OK to feel overwhelmed and not happy. Talk to your husband, make some plans and figure out where you go from here. You are team so it's time to pull together and make plans and support each other.
2007-02-27 14:13:46 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're hormones are whacked out and you are scared. All normal emotions. All I can tell you, as a mother of two boys, is that having a child is one of the most remarkably wonderful experiences. This is your only chance in life to assist God in creating a miracle. Parenting is not always easy. It will test you and try you in many ways. But I'll tell you this... Every day when I hear one of my little boy's excitement when I get home each day, running toward me, lunging themselves in my arms, hugging me and saying "Hi mommy, you're home! you're home!" It is an amazing feeling. The bonding will come, just be patient...
2007-02-27 14:27:18 · answer #9 · answered by Starlyn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Were you two practicing safe sex? If you were not planning children were you taking all the precautions for pregnancy not to happen, such as birth control and condoms being used at the same time
2007-02-27 14:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by KP 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋