How do you share the feeding and changing diaper repsonsibility at night?

Question

We just had a newborn. I have to work from 8-5pm. My wife is a stay home mom now. In the first week, I tried to help changing the diaper or feed our newborn at night but I didn't have enough sleep and I worn out by the time I am at work.

I told my wife to help me out at night because I need my rest. I did everything after work from changing diaper and feed the baby until around 12 midnight but after that I was so sleepy so I went to bed.

Now my wife complaining that she didn't get enough sleep at night. I told her that she could get sleep time throughout the day but she disagree with me.

Please let me solve this issue

Answer 1

YOU ARE RIGHT SHE CAN GET SOME SLEEP IN THE DAY WHEN THE BABY GOES TO SLEEP. IT IS REALLY HARD FOR A WOMEN TO GO TO SLEEP IN THE DAY BUT SHE CAN TRY. IT IS GOING TO BE HARD UNTIL THE BABY SLEEPS AT NIGHT. MAYBE ON YOUR DAYS OFF YOU CAN LET HER SLEEP IN AND HELP HER THAT WAY. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 2

I can sympathize with you in that department. I just became a father of a newborn who is now 9 weeks old. My wife and I decided she would stay home for the first few months while I worked. I happen to work 12 hour days and I am very tired when I get home. But in the same sense, to me, being a father comes first. When I get home I give my wife a break. Nothing is harder than staying home with my child. Not only does it help me to understand what it takes to be an actual father but it also helps me to be a better husband. Please do not take this as me bashing you as a person or father. I am only trying to portray the way things should be. After I get home and give my wife her very deserved break, I then take of the baby for the first feeding into the night. She then gets up for the second feeding while I sleep until I have to get up for work. I understand that she could sleep during the day. So here is a challenge for you. On your next day off, you care for the child while your wife does nothing and lets see how fr you get without needing her help. She does it all day long and it is not easy. I have tried. It takes 2 people to create a child, therefore it takes 2 people to raise one. Do your part. Be the best husband and most importantly, a good Father.

Answer 3

my husband and I are in the same situation. He is working to support our family and I am raising our kids. He was a tremendous help in the first. I had a cecarian so he would get the baby in the night and change him then bring him to me to nurse then put him back to bed. Now my baby is two months old and still up at night. I am the one who does it all. Sometimes I get a little jealous when I look over and see him sleeping, but then I stop and think about how important his sleep is. I'm a very tired momma but I also know that I have the opportunities to sleep during the day when baby is sleeping, although I choose to do other things that could actually wait. I can understand where she is coming from, taking care of a newborn is very hard and very tiring work but it is also the most rewarding job.I also can see your point as you need your rest for work. Things will get better just continue helping out as much as possible during the day.

Answer 4

Look...no one wants the responsibility of changing diapers and getting bottles in the middle of the night.

However, if one isn't working then I believe they should carry most of the burden at night, but it can't ever be 99/1 it has to be shared or the relationship is going to suffer.

Just make a deal that on the weekends you will make up for it by splittingthe responsibility 50/50 and stick to that and that she can wake you up during the week one time per night, not several.

Helping her after a long day at work can be challenging, but you have to giver her a break. Dealing with an infant all day is just as much work as a regular 9 - 5 and is more stressful. Give her an hour (at least) after you get home to do whatever she wants to do with or without you to relieve tension. It is up to you to solve this before resentment gets in the way of rational thought and all goes to hell.

She really can't sleep during the day if the baby needs her she has to be awake to take care. What is if she was sleeping and something happened to the baby? Would you want a sitter to sleep on the job while watching your child? I know I wouldn't It is not as easy as you may think.

I think this is fair. Unless you want to have marital problems, I would suggest you try this

Answer 5

Well... You see for you work means you go in from 8 to 5. It certainly makes you more tired not getting enough sleep at night by helping your wife with the night feedings. But for her, her job, even as a stay at home mom, is 24/7. She doesn't get a break from changing diapers, feeding, etc all day long (which you do by getting out of the house 8 hrs every day). When you come home you BOTH start your second shift. If you don't help your wife at night she gets, just like you, more tired and worn out by the end of the day. My suggestion, if you can't understand my point, is to help her even at night just for this simple reason. You don't want a tired and moody woman next to you every day next to you just because of the fact you could give her 120%. If you suck it up, yes you will be tired, but there will be no arguments or grudges between you two making your family and marriage bond stronger.

Answer 6

Work out that if the baby wakes up, say, before 3 in the morning you will change it, feed it, play with it, and put it back to sleep.
I think that since you are gone all day you should have duty in the morning before work, like from 6 AM until you leave. After that your wife is in charge of the baby. Your schedule would be like this:
Wife- 3:00 AM-6:00 AM and 7:30 AM -8:00 PM
You- 6:00 AM-7:30 AM and 8:00 PM-3:00 AM
Your wife will have 15 and a half hours of duty and you will have 8 and a half. This makes sense because your wife's "job" is taking care of the baby and you have another job.

Answer 7

My son is one month old now. When he was born, my husband took 2 weeks off and at that time he had baby at night and I took care of him during the day. Then he had to return to work, and of course it was kinda hard for the first couple of days until we found some system. Now it is working great, he works from 1PM to 11:30 PM, our baby goes down at 11 pm, so I go to sleep, he gets home after midnight, waits till 4 AM to give him a bottle, goes to bed and I wake up at 7:30 AM to feed him. This way we both get sleep and spend time with the baby.

Answer 8

She may be trying to do too much during the day and not taking any naps. If you come home to a clean house where laundry has been done, and no dishes in the sink she's probably doing too much. When you get home in the evening have daddy/baby time and let her take a nap while you cook dinner or catch up on laundry and play with baby. She will be so grateful that she won't complain about the night time too much after that.

Answer 9

I am a stay at home mom too. I nursed my daughter for a year, so the feedings were my job. It got a LOT easier when our daughter was about 3 months old and started sleeping thru the nite. She would wake up at about 6am, and I would just bring her in our bed to nurse her so we could all go back to sleep. This is why nursing is so much more convenient... you can feed your baby AND sleep. it is going to be really hard until your baby starts sleeping thru the nites. you need to remember that yes, you work, but so does your wife. at this point, a baby is a full time job. it can be incredibly exhausting, and your wife is going thru a lot of hormonal changes, trying to heal, AND trying to adjust to the life of a mom. Sometimes, you need to go out of your way and help her out. You will both have to be tired for a while, but it wont last forever. She really needs you, so be there for her. Ask her what you can do to help. Yes, babies sleep lots of hours a day, but its for such short spans that its difficult to sleep at the same time they do. Not to mention that she needs to be able to clean the house and take a shower while the baby naps. Trust me, you will get thru it just like everyone else. If your mom, her mom, or any other family members or friends would be willing to help, dont feel bad about accepting it. Its more important that your baby has rested and healthy parents. It can be dangerous to get TOO tired, and especially for your wife, since the baby blues might happen.

Answer 10

Be patient keep in mind your wife is still going through a lot hormomally and as nice as it is to try and nap when baby sleeps during the day if she's anything like me she has too many other things she want to do while baby sleeps. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Try and encourage your wife to go to bed around 9 and sleep till midnight and then let you sleep. Things will get better and with any luck your baby will start to sleep through the night in a couple months. It's great that you are willing to help as much as you are. Keep up the good work and try and be patient. Good luck!

Answer 11

I hate to say this, but I am with you. While my husband was working and I was on maternity leave, I did all the nighttime baby stuff. I did not get much sleep at night those early weeks, but I slept when the baby did during the day and felt great.
If you are working and she is staying home with the baby, you should sleep at night and she should do the baby-duty.
BUT if you have other children than she works during the day too (mom is a full time job) and you would have to help out at night.