Before I got married, my fiance asked if I would do "anything in the world" for him. I told him of course. He had been drinking, and we were on the phone. He said, "How 'bout a threesome?" I was shocked and asked why, and he said he had never had one and always wanted one. I asked with who, and he named my best friend. When I asked if he wanted her, he said no, it was the only person he thought I would be willing to do this with. To this day, (three years later) I often wonder if he really does want sex with her to see what it would be like. He has never mentioned it again, and most times I push it out of my concious, but other times, I just wonder WHY he would suggest it. We talked about another couple who has done this and I told him I would NEVER be able to share him with anyone, and he responded, "Yea, I guess that wouldn't work in our marriage". To me, that says he STILL wants to do it but knows I won't.
Am I not enough for him? Does it mean he doesn't love me enough?
2007-02-27 05:34:10 · 28 answers · asked by bina64davis 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Martin, love your answer. Yea, we have GREAT sex, and he hasn't brought it up again. I was just curious WHY men want this, but since I'm not a man, I guess I'll never understand!
2007-02-27 05:52:12 · update #1
Your man suggested your friend because you and your friend already have a good relationship and you would be more likely to be comfortable with her than a stranger. It has nothing to do with his wanting to have sex with her and not with you.
If your man could have sex with you and you at the same time (two copies of you) he'd be thrilled. Unfortunately that is not possible, so he is suggesting the next best thing.
Guys want threesomes for ego gratification of being able to satisfy two women at the same time, and watch some hot woman on woman action while doing it. It is a fantasy.
I hope you can forgive him for being honest with you.
2007-02-27 05:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
No. It has nothing to do with love. He loves you. But he's a man and men have a common fantasy of having 2 women (or girls)
together at the same time. AND, get ready for this one, he doesn't even care if the two women are Lesbians and want Each Other!!!
It's just a Threesome Thing that men have, so live with that news first and let it soak in. I know it is hard to comprehend. The sooner you accept a man as he is, the sooner you will be able to deal with him!!
And he probably suggested your best friend because he thought you might warm up better if it was someone you knew!! Should you ever do it?? Only YOU can say!! @8-] And don't tell your girlfriends because women gossip as a hobby. I wouldn't hit you so hard with it if it wasn't important!!! Take it all in slowly. Good Luck Honey!!
2007-02-27 05:46:14 · answer #2 · answered by Dovey 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
This was before you married and he hasn't brought it up again, but you still have it on your mind. I would just try as hard as it is to forget the past and just live your life with your husband happy. A person will say things when their drinking ,that they other wise would never talk about. Sometimes other men will talk to them and get this on their mind , you never know maybe he was just checking you out to see if you would do something like this, just trying to get you to say you would where he could ask , you mean you've already done this, just wondering.
I'd leave it alone are you may have some serious problems in your marriage if you keep bring this up. Try to get this out of your mind because really he only ask , so give him a break just let it go unless he would himself ever bring it up again. Be happy with the way life is today and wipe that off your mind. Best Of luck.
2007-02-27 05:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if most men were asked if they had ever considered a threesome they would admit they had thought of it. How many asked their wives, I don't know. What I do know is that your husband was honest and straightforward with you to let you know he had this on his mind. In my opinion mentioning your best friend was not in good taste, but once again he was being open. When I read his saying, "Yea, I guess that wouldn't work in our marriage" that tells me he understands how you feel. He may have friends who have done this, or has seen it played out in movies etc.
If it continues to bother you, perhaps talking to a therapist to build up your self esteem and work through this might help. A woman who knows she is plenty for any man and sends that message of self confidence is very attractive. I think it has more to do with curiousity than not loving you enough.
Maybe when the timing feels right, let him know how this is weighing on you. Share your feelings with him. You might feel better once you hear what he has to say.
I think the sooner you work through this and let it go the healthier it will be for you. Good luck.
ps I personally would not invite trouble into my marriage with this type of behavior.
2007-02-27 06:04:01 · answer #4 · answered by May King 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are enough for him. He loves you plenty. He does not want to have an affair with your best friend. Do NOT think that he doesn't LOVE you. A threesome is a curiosity in his mind, nothing more nothing less. It does NOT reflect on you in any manner. If he has never brought it up since it shows that he respects you and your marriage. That is a GOOD thing. Rejoice that he is a good man, with a normal fantasy. You never know...in his little fantasy you could be playing both girls because no one is better than you.
2007-02-27 05:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i don't think of it skill which you're actually not good sufficient for him. i've got by no skill come throughout the time of that as quickly because it includes threesomes. From own journey with threesomes and moresomes right here is how I see it: If he's calling for a FMF threesome and he's not open to the belief of a MFM threesome additionally, than that's in all probability in basic terms a selfish prefer to fulfill his little fable. it is the incorrect reason to do it. If he's calling for a FMF threesome and is pleased with a MFM additionally, than the belief of group intercourse is in all probability his subject. He can seperate love from intercourse and he gets excited on the belief of extra advantageous than 2 human beings being in contact. the belief of you being pleasured is as interesting to him because of the fact the belief of himself being pleasured. it is the splendid reason to do it.
2016-10-16 21:40:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it's a matter of you not being enough for him but that it's (almost) every male's fantasy to engage in this. naturally the world of pornography touts these types of relationships whether it be MMF or FFM. In any event I can only say that sometimes there are sexual fantasies that although you may really have enough faith in your wife or significant other to discuss anything...this area is one that I'd avoid at all costs. Especially in light of the aggravation and worry it may cause as you know all too well.
Someday I'll tell you my experience with this type of question as it was directed in a roundabout way from my wife to me. Oh..and no...she didn't want to engage in one either (I already knew that) but she did bring it up as a topic one evening.
Boy...and you don't think I walked gingerly around that one. So..I suspect it's still a fantasy however I cannot say that you are wrong in feeling the way you do. We all want to remain exclusive in someone elses life. This really puts a bad crimp in that feeling and naturally has you feeling the way you do and asking what you have.
2007-02-27 05:48:25 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. Most people have probably wondered about treesomes, but very few act out on it. It was a lapse of judgement for him to tell you such a thing, but you can be sure that as a sexually healthy person, he fantasizes about things with other people (I mean, c'mon, don't you? I don't mean threesomes specifically - but have you never had a fantasy about someone from your past, or someone you find attractive at the moment?)
His fantasies are not at all an indication of how strongly he loves you; sharing them with you is an indication of bad judgement on his part, this is all. Don't be shy in letting him know you are uncomfortable discussing certain topics; he should respect that. Unless he gives you real reasons not to trust him - calm down, and enjoy your relationship.
2007-02-27 05:47:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a tough question to answer not knowing you both personally. I can only speak of my own feelings I have had in my own marriage. Does he truly love you? I would have never thought of doing something like that and would never have had the disrespect to suggest something like to my wife even as a joke. I regard that sort of behavior as a lack of honor on your husband's part and (even though it sounds extreme) would have told my wife I was filing for divorce immediately upon her asking me the same thing. If a man truly truly loves you as his wife, you would be all that matters to him in life. You would also be the only woman that he would ever want to share intimacy with. Good luck to you for sticking it out with him. I don't think I could ever trust him knowing he even thought about wanting another woman - even if he was drunk. Do I think he really doesn't love you enough? I don't think a man that would ask wife something like that loves her at all!!!!!!!!! I think his mind is all about sex and love is just another four letter word to him.
2007-02-27 05:53:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a married man I can tell you that sex and love are not the same thing to men. With women it's very different. We tend to see this activity as a way to enlighten both ourselves and the woman we are with. Just a male point of view!
It has nothing to do with how much we do or don't love the person we're with.
2007-02-27 05:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋