How can I move on after I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married?

Question

Serious responses please. In January of this year I found out that while I was 7-8months pregnant my husband cheated on me. But only at that time we were not married, we were engaged and living together. The thought of him going out and having sex with someone else and coming home to make love to me with his baby growing inside of me grossed me out. He could've brought anything back to me. His excuse for cheating on me was because it was hard for him to get out of his old ways of doing things. He really has been different since then and we have been moving on, except he sent the same woman an email just last year, and we have been married now for almost 2years. I just want to know if there is anyone out there who can give me advice on how to stop thinking about the other woman. The emails btw. the 2 of them were very graphic, and the places they went we went together, the complaments he gave her he gave me the same ones and still does. I desparetly need some advice. Male or Female

Answer 1

Hello...sorry to hear that! I have to say, you will probably never get over it. The only thing I can suggest is forgiveness. He must want it too...I know that is very difficult. But holding on to anything that rips your insides out, is not good for you. I know that you are married with a child. I feel you love your husband, and wish that he did not disrespect you like he did. He disrespected you more then one time. He obviously has very low self esteem to need to make himself feel good, even at the expense of you. Remember the Serenity prayer:
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference!
Amen...I hope this helps..Take care!

Answer 2

I know what he did wasn't fair, but the only way you can get over this. Is to not give her substances in your life. She doesn't matter, so stop thinking about her. Take your problem to Jesus he will heal your heart ,and give you a brand new marriage. A family that prays together stays together.Sit down with your husband talk to him about the things you can do together that will make your marriage better.If you don't know what he wants then how will you both make things better.Ask him if he loves you enough not to have any form of communication with her. I hope you both GOD blessings.

Answer 3

Okay. Well first, many men cheat on their wives when the wife is pregnant. If they don't cheat, they at least spend some time doing something dirty that would make them forget about the responsibility of having a baby.

Secondly, I could not put up with that, so the question is Can YOU?? You have to swallow it or spit it out!! You wanted the truth didn't you Honey?? @8-]

Answer 4

Keep your family together, don't lose being grandparents over some immoral sex. Take a lesser freebee for yourself in the distant future and don't feel guilty. Those bad emotions mostly go away after a couple years. That was a jerkoff thing of him to do to you, I do agree.

Answer 5

i hate to say this but forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do and forgetting is imposable. it takes time and sometimes a long time to get over things like this.it doesn't help when he seems to be still in some sort of contact with her.try have a come clean sit down talk with him he will need to open his life up to you so you can learn to trust him if he wont do that im not at all sure you are going to be able to go back to trusting him. you also need to have a long sit down think for your self and what you are going to be able to tolerate in this relationship .i suggest doing this first. theres a lot of work to be done here ,but it can work if all parties are open to it ,moving on means opening doors and trusting each other

Answer 6

Well first thing first you must stop the e-mails. you are married to him and it was awhile back. No one is perfect every time you think about it. Try to think of how good he is with you kid and yourself. As for the complentments ask him in a nice ways to change them. you can start saying something like so since then whats new? Tell me something new. Don't dwell on it to much you'll miss out on somegood moments. Beside i think all guys use the same lines.(to some affect).

Answer 7

He cheated! You shouldn't have to ask any question! He did it once, he'll do it again. There are no 2nd chances to cheaters. How will you ever be able to get that out of your head? That image? That thought of your husband being with another woman? NEVER! It will never go away! Please, save yourself now. You've been through enough. Leave him. He's a cheater and a liar!

Answer 8

Out of respect for you, your child and your feelings, he should have no contact with her, remember it takes 2 to screw up, maybe he's lied to her and she doesn't know about you or the baby. E-mail her yourself and tell her and that you would appreciate it if she lost contact with your husband. If you don't want to do that then divorce him and take him for anything and everything that you can.

Answer 9

i think you should seriously think about counseling, because he is oviosly missing the big picture. Tell you will like to go talk to someone about your feelings and how you have been feeling for the past two years and that you would like him to be there with you because he is a big part of your life and he has to stop being so selfish

Answer 10

He should have ZERO contact with her.
Change the e-mail address.

That sucks...
cheating on a woman during her weakest moment, her pregnancy, is the lowest thing I can think of.
You are going to be scared forever...try couples counseling.