Long Story, I'll try to shorten it. My best friend tells me all these negative things about her boyfriend for 2 years. Because he won't spend time as a couple with us, I form an opinion based on what she is telling me. I don't think he is the right man for her. Then she tells me she's given him an ultimatum. She tells him they can use the ring from her last marriage. He proposes, she accepts, I voice my concern strongly I admit and she's cutting me off? He has no idea why I'm so against their marrying and she won't tell him. So I lose my only friend. Can someone help me understand this ?
2007-02-27 05:08:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Hi DJ B, things like these are so incredibly delicate. I have learned that friends often make decisions we don't understand, some of which even we'll never understand. The only problem is that it's much harder to deal with your friends decision when you don't understand it. In this case there's really nothing to understand. Either she's been lying to you about him for these two years, which I doubt. Or she's afraid to be alone and therefor decided to put up with al these negative things about him. She leaves you to be the bad person so she doesn't have to tell him about all the things she told you in the past two years.
It's always easier to blame someone else, right?
2007-02-27 05:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by anneke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was your friend once...cutting off people with a negative "outside prospective". Long story short...she knows you are right. You need to tell her you love her and you will always be her friend...then shut your mouth and let her fall!! I know its hard because you want to protect her, but it is the only way you she will learn her lesson and maintain her friendship with you. Look at it this way...when they do break up and she does get heartbroken...and the more negative you have been to her...the easier it will be for her to point the finger at you. If you keep silent...she will love you for it!
2007-02-27 13:17:33 · answer #2 · answered by S M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love really makes us do crazy stuff! This happened to me as well and I walked away from the friendship and its the best thing I ever did because all she kept doing was walk all over me and hurt me. Sometimes we have to think of ourselves! Also, she maybe avoiding you because of your disapproval of him. Perhaps you should call her and see if she calls you back. Maybe as a wedding present buy that girl a new ring! Thats gross he will allow her to wear her old ring, he can go to Walmart and buy her a new wedding band for $20! He does sound like a jerk but you need to be ther for her, if you would want, when he does come crashing down.
Good luck!
2007-02-27 13:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by auburnc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters you can only control your own actions and feelings.
She loves the guy, but if she is telling you only bad thing about him to you, what is she tell him about you (most likely bad things).
If she is your only friend you need to start working on making new friends. It is not easy, but it is possible.
2007-02-27 13:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by ladyj1888 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her she's formed your opinon of him and that you really want to get to know the man she fell in love with. She's probably afraid you will share her secretes with him. If you want to keep her as a friend you should let her know you understand a girls venting and still love her as your friend.
2007-02-27 13:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it! She was not much of a friend to begin with and stupid too boot. People don't change, circumstances change. Get out in the world and meet new people. Good Luck!
2007-02-27 13:14:14 · answer #6 · answered by BGreen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is hard for normal people to understand so i will try to make it simple. i dont think you should have made your comments at all. she probably just wanted to vent her issues to someone that she was close to. so when you gave a large amount of advice she was offended and she thought you where being jealous, so she left you alone to avoid problems. i hope that helps
2007-02-27 13:18:21 · answer #7 · answered by goth love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stopped getting involved with friends relationship issues a long time ago for that same reason. They bad mouth them for so long, until you can't stand them, and then declare their undying love for them, and can't understand why you are not happy about it... go figure!
2007-02-27 13:12:26 · answer #8 · answered by Speedy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love is blind, she is an adult and has to see this mistake, if it is that, for herself. Step aside, its being a good friend even if she does not consider you one at the present time
2007-02-27 13:15:10 · answer #9 · answered by jjroski 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like she is jealous of you and she doesn't want to spend time with you as a couple and is blaming it on him to cover her true feelings
2007-02-27 13:12:43 · answer #10 · answered by howdy doody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋