It was my resolution of 2007 to stay away from any gathering or people who indulge in back-biting. But there seems to be an eternal sickness of hatred spread everywhere. Whether I'm in the company of one person or a group. At some point of time someone or the other ends up talking ill about some other person.
Now I can't go around telling people about my resolution and hence, here I am always trapped in a situation where I have to either nod in agreement or start an argument in defense of someone. Any advice is welcome.
2007-02-27 04:51:56 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sounds like you set yourself up bigtime for failure my friend. WHY? Because you have decided to make choices based on the actions of other people. Since you can't control other people, you eventually will not be able to control what you do, as a responder.
People are going to do their thing. Backbiting, gossiping, two-faced ness. I agree that this is a pretty slimy way to live your life but if you vow to stay away from other peoples' behavior, well, then you will be running all year. Get your good shoes ready, and the athlete's foot spray!
My suggestion to you is to revise your goal and pick it up fresh that YOU personally will speak nicely of others and if you don't have anything nice to say, stay quiet. If you don't start these conversations, or participate in them, people will eventually quit asking you to gossip with them. They will respect and trust you more in the process...knowing that because they know you don't gossip about others, you won't gossip about them.
This seems so subtle but it is wayyy different. You haven't set a goal to flee, you have set a goal to act. And rather than respond to someone else, your goal is to do the right thing regardless of anything else going on, and because it is the right thing to do.
Another thing is that these behaviors are almost always because someone is insecure. It is setting up a comparison between the talker and the topic and trying to get you to stroke the talkers' ego by dogging someone else. How bout the next time you are in a conversation that starts to get negative...just flip the script by acknowledging them in the conversation without mention of the other person? You don't have to say a word about the other person. (blah blah blah...hey I don't mean to interrupt but I keep forgetting to tell you how great a job you did on___.) Try it, the topic will change. It may still be egotistical but at least you have switched topics to people who are actually there. You can do this anytime.
2007-02-27 05:28:12 · answer #1 · answered by musicimprovedme 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had a similar problem with people in my close group of friends who will gossip about others in our group. I have spoken up about it and got in arguments about it because they excuse it as a "discussion about the person" and have never really come to a complete resolution, but they at the very least understand where I stand on the topic, and it happens a lot less while I am around. I guess my advice to you is to try to make yourself known without looking like a complete judgmental jerk. Hopefully others will come to your way of thinking and the world will be rid of a few more back-biters.
2007-02-27 05:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by Mathew M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, people back bite or gossip because their own lives are so purely dull and uninteresting. Sometimes it's because that person has said or done some back biting to them and the natural reaction is to injure them too. Which logically doesn't makes sense for a peaceful end result. It becomes so pattern and routine for some people that they don't know how to live life unless they are concerning themselves with the actions of others. I know a person on y! answers who can't seem to get her focus off of me or my y!answers questions or answers. Her life is so pathetic that she follows me like a protege or lost puppy hoping to have a life like mine. To this, I do not retaliate this poor creature, I simply laugh it off. It's amazing what laughter can do for behaviors.
2007-02-27 05:04:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad, isn't it? Yet another reason to give God to cry!! I think it's very humble of you wanting to change and at least are trying. I vote to not even get INTO a cornered situation like that - you proudly tell them - "I'm sorry. It's a conviction of mine not to talk ill of someone on either side. If you'll excuse me." Then walk away. Let them and God handle the rest. You did your part. Good for you! May God Bless you a hundred fold!!!
2007-02-27 05:37:52 · answer #4 · answered by curiousgeorgette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't stand gossip .. its one thing to check on family or find out how people are, it a whole nuther thing to talk about what strangers may or may not be doing who the heck cares?
You really need to just walk away.. that is what I do .. I used to eat lunch alone when I was working it was easier than listen to the garbage. Learn to read good literature in a quiet place .. library, park, heck your car if you have it in the lot... better than hearing negative garbage on a constant basis.
2007-02-27 05:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it's human nature. Best to simply shrug in response, unless the comment you know isn't true is seriously harmful. You are correct in keeping your resolution quiet; some insecure fool will insist you 'think you are better'; what drivel...
2007-02-27 04:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all If I was in your situation I would have stopped being in their company.If they still insist I would better make them understand that Iam not interested in that particular group.If still they insist try to ignore and forget it.At some point if you try to avoid the company,I guess that would work..
2007-02-27 05:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by MI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understand that people suck. They talk badly about others because it gives them a sense of being. They feel superior and in charge.
All you can do it, listen, ignore, and move on, knowing that they are sad, pathetic people who have missed the whole point.
2007-02-27 04:55:31 · answer #8 · answered by Nicnac 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
everyone is a hyopcrit. you dont have to agree with what the other people in the group are saying about someone. you can ask them to stop talking about that person or simply just dont say anything at all.
2007-02-27 04:56:04 · answer #9 · answered by liz1214 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They think tearing down someone somehow builds themselves up; the opposite is the case in that it debases the back-biter.
2007-02-27 04:54:50 · answer #10 · answered by Beau D. Satva 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋