Have you ever thought you'd be better off dead?

Question

I was born into a situation that overshadows my life to this day. I have asked God every day for YEARS to deliver me from this dark force, to no avail. The pain and torment is unbearable. Yesterday, I asked him to not let me wake up anymore, and of course, here I am. Miserable beyond words. I want to die to ease the suffering. I have no family other than my child. I think she will be better off without me anyway.

Answer 1

Well at times because there is so much pain here and so much peace in Heaven. But Im not trying to be rude to you at all but, are you sure of your relationship with Christ? It says He will not give us more than we can bare. Nothing will ever leave are psychey forever. He is the great comforter. But we need not dwell or think of the past. Look to the future. Get right with the Lord. He may have something for you and this pain to turn out to be wonderful. You may help many others. Gods will and way He uses us only amazes me. I have been through situations and thought this is not going to be used for His greatness only to find it doing just that a few years down the road. Be faithful and you will get through this. Paul prayed for the Lord to remove the thorn in his side and he never did. He has his reasons get on with life and look to the Light. Amen. Peace out...............

Answer 2

Yes I have. I too have prayed to die and thought my children would be better off without me. I tried taking my own life, but botched that too. My scar serves now as a reminder of what was then and what is now. That was a few years ago and now I am happier than I have ever been, but I don't think I could have appreciated what I have now if I had not known the depths of despair and how truly awful and miserable life can be. If you have a child, you have all the family you need and never EVER think she would be better off without her mother. Your life and your child's life are gifts with an expiration date. Don't waste another minute. Find a counselor, priest, friend, anyone you can talk to honestly and openly. Having to put the situation in order by explaining it to someone else sometimes helps us put it in perspective in our own minds. We cannot change the past but we do have the absolute power to change the future. Start from this day forward. Don't look back and don't feel sorry for yourself. Grab up that little girl and embrace a positive future with her, and don't clutter her young life with your adult sorrows. Good luck, best wishes and remember "To the world you may be only one person, but to one person you may be the world."

Answer 3

I have a close friend who is going through the same thing. She is a single parent and thinks he will be better off without her. That is further from the truth. You have been put here for a reason. Maybe you are to educate others on your experience. In my religion, we believe that God doesn't give us anything he believes we cannot handle. Even though life seems dreary, you might want to count your blessings. When you wake up in the morning, before you do anything else, sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything that is a blessing in your life. And every day try to find something new to add.

Answer 4

Well since you seem to be a woman of God, then don't you think that this is some kind of test you are being put through? Don't you want your child to grow up seeing a strong, independent woman get through any crises and learn from you? Why would you think that being dead is better than giving a shot at life? You have to put in the energy and will yourself to go on.

And let me tell you, life is not like in the movies, so get that notion out of your head. EVERYONE around you and all over the world struggles with something in their lives. It is not all roses and wine for anyone. Are you feeling down because you think that your life is deficient in some way? From the little I can extract from your question about you, I can tell you this: You have a child. There are people out there that get depressed because they cannot conceive. You sound young, you have a whole lot of time ahead of you to create the kind of life you want, in which you can be happy and healthy. God is making you wake up every day in order to realise that. You also sound smart enough to at least not do something hurtful to yourself because you love your child. Well use that spark of life and make it grow. I can't begin to tell you how dying is such an easy way out of things and doesn't help society if people just want to throw in the towel and give up before accomplishing some of their biggest achievements later on in life.

People often suffer from depression at one time or another in their lives. I hope you also understand this and seek help for your depression. If you can afford it, go to a psychiatrist or psychologist. If you cannot afford those doctors, see a counselor. They are trained professionals who HELP people see the light at the end of their dark tunnels. You have a real chance at getting out of your misery and I hope you try, try, TRY. Give it a shot. Put the energy you put into praying to die into finding help that you can afford.

Get better soon young lady!!

Answer 5

Look I know how hard it is, I tried suicide before, I even still don't always even want to be here, but one thing I learned is if you are here living, which you are, then you're ment to be. I had alot of abuse growing up and becuase of it it seems to always affect other parts of my life. Last year I came out out about being molested, I lost my best friend of ten years and I had an eating disorder and almost flunked all my classes-even though I used to have straight A's. I thought if I died I'd end it all and nothing would ever get better anyway. You know a month from the day I tried to commit suicide I met my current boyfriend of a year now and he completely changed my life. I didn't think I'd ever actually have someone who loved and cared about me like that and is patient with all my problems with my past. it showed me that God was sending me hope, hope for a better future and a better life. I never expected someone like that to come into my life. Even when things go bad, this showed me that if you just keep holding on something better is bound to come even if things get much worse before. You have to keep living, becuase you never know what's in store for you. I mean think of your child, he or she would be all alone in this world and probably would feel at fault the rest of his/her life. I really hope this helps. Just hold on and be strong and I promise things will be better some day.

Answer 6

I suppose you could do that, but it wouldn't ease your suffering Sarah. Whatever situation you found yourself in when you first 'opened your eyes' here, you can be sure it was efficacious for your spiritual growth and to help those around you. People who suffer aren't 'lower down on the totem pole' sweetheart, they're higher. Somewhere along the way, you got tired of the whole morass of human difficulties and started pulling away for something better. Let it all go. There's no hope in the mortal sense of things, anyway. You were put here, obviously, to overcome great obstacles and to show other people the way out, too. God is overseeing you and all your doings. There's no joy in living selfishly. My mother used to get this mock expression of crying on her face and say, "Oh God, honey, why shouldn't they be angry, they think they're mortal". We're not mortals, Sarah. The only hope is to live above the mortal sense of things, and learn to overcome the waves that beat against us for our audacity in trying to find a way out. God is with you always, and your little girl has something special to learn from you, and to do.

Answer 7

I am grateful for life and hope sometimes that I don't screw it up worse than I already have. There are some things that are beyond your control, like Cancer, but what can you do but fight if you want to stay alive?
I would never encourage anyone to kill themself, however, if you really don't want to live then you should consider giving your child a chance at another life and decide for yourself afterwards.

Answer 8

Yes, I've thought that too many times. I say "too many" because it's such a miserable thought. I also am struggling to move past what I was born into: I have nightmares about it and cry a lot. I have 4 younger siblings, 2 of which I have sort of raised (they feel like my own kids). I've thought that they might be better off without me, because sometimes it seems as if I just mess everything up. But I try to remember the truth: that they wouldn't be better off, because I love them like no one else in their lives does. Had I had someone in my life growing up who loved me, even if they weren't perfect and weren't always there for me, that would have been wonderful. So I don't want to take that away from them. And I'm sure your child would say the same. Just the fact that you're thinking about her well-being shows that you love her deeply. And that's what counts. I would rather have had an imperfect parent who truly loved me than my "nice" parents who have never truly cared for me.

I also feel that I don't really have any family, since mine is so dysfunctional and can be hateful towards me. So I know that is very difficult. Are you seeing a therapist? Mine has been of so much help as I've tried to work through my past (and present) pain. Just having someone to talk to who won't judge you is very important. Even if you can't afford a therapist (insurance problems, etc.), find your local MHMR. I volunteered at my local free clinic, and we would refer lots of people there for counseling or seeing a psychiatrist. Since it sounds like you're pretty depressed, I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist. Being depressed is an illness just like diabetes or asthma, and you deserve to receive treatment for it just like any other patient. I think God often helps us through other people--at least, that's been my experience. So give Him a chance to reach out to you through other people--a therapist, doctor, whatever. If you'd feel more comfortable seeing a Christian therapist, there are many of those out there, too.

In the meantime, hang in there! And don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that your daughter would be better off without you. I've worked with kids in play therapy and seen kids from all sorts of backgrounds. I watched one little girl whose mother had killed herself--believe me, this little girl was no better off for it, not in the least. Her mother had been far from perfect, but she had been her mom, and the girl was heartbroken when she died. She missed her mom so much. Children don't understand death and often feel responsible when a parent dies, thinking it's their own fault. Please hang in there and get some help--no matter what you've been through and what you're feeling now, your life isn't hopeless. Blessings and love
Kristen

Answer 9

Sweetie, you sound depressed. It's not normal to feel the way you do. You can get help, if you want it. Lot's of people suffer from depression. You are not alone. If you love your child, you will seek medical attention. The world is beautiful, and you can experience it's beauty... wouldn't that be great?

Answer 10

There is no way that your child will be better off without you!!
I hope that one day soon, the torment in your life will soon disapear! Good Luck. And if you ever need someone to talk to... email me... i will be happy to listen