Why didn't you just move out? In 90% of the cases, you then dump the affairee. If you are that miserable, why not just leave? It would save both of you headaches.
2007-02-27 04:05:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because the person that you are having an affair with then becomes the catalist for your actions in leaving your spouse.
Generally, one does not leave their spouse for the other, but because the other person has given them ease, excuse, and ability by giving them comfort and distraction from the heatache the whole thing makes.
2007-02-27 04:45:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
immature, insecure, emotional cripple, needs the emotional support of someone else to help his through it, he is a coward, and probably would not leave the marriage if this other person wasn't tugging on his heartstrings so hard, giving them ultimatums. and once they cross that line, with someone else, to go back in the marriage they would have to admit to their selves that they were wrong, and some people will never do that. don't think they are really all that miserable but when someone else shows an interest it boost their self worth, makes them feel desirable, and they are getting so much from the other person that they think it is always going to be like that, so they leave the marriage, only to find out later on that they haven't changed at all, and that there same problems are still there.
2007-02-27 12:21:00 · answer #2 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband had an affair cuz he wasnt sure he wanted something so permenent as to divorce me. He said he wasnt happy at home, with me or his marriage, but still loved me and was hoping that the marriage would "somehow fix itself". Whatever thats supposed to mean? NOTHING fixes itself if both people aint even aware its that bad. And having an affair sure as hell aint the way to fix it. Although, we are trying. He now says the affair was the stupidest mistake of his life and he didnt like the person he was when he was doing it and it made him realize that the only thing he wants was standing in front of him the whole time. Time will tell on that one. We'll see.
2007-02-27 12:47:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think that if you aren't in love with the person you are married to and you are wanting someone else. You should leave before an affair starts.
I don't understand why people have affairs in the 1st place myself. It doesn't make sence to me. If you aren't in love then you don't need to be married. If you have children and you are staying together for the children..Don't you think it would be worse for them to see you fighting each day..than it would be to just divorce and like you said spare both of you the headache.
I can understand how people make mistakes..But I don't see how having sex with someone else to be considered a mistake, Or an accident. 1st off a mistake is something that you do and you later regret..regret is something you feel for not doing something or doing something that you shouldn't have done. If you knew you were going to regret it in the 1st place why would you do it. I don't see how having sex with another person can be an accident..An accident is something that you did and didn't mean to. ..It takes 2 people to have sex. If you wasn't willing then that would be rape..not an affair.
If two people are married and they don't love each other then they just need to call it quits and try to get on with their lives with out forcing themselves to endure more pain and torment. Personally I love my husband dearly and if he didn't love me and wanted a divorce then so be it. I would rather get it over with and start trying to start my life again than to endure more pain by dragging it out any further than need be.
To answer your question. I think that most people once they have been married for a while probable think that no one else wants them since they have been with the same person for a while. That is when they feel insignificant and start looking for ways to make themselves feel better..which is usually in the arms of another person outside of the marrage. Most people want to be loved..And when you have been with the same person for a long time I love you becomes a daily routine for them.
After you hear it for so long..It becomes as ordianary as sleeping, eating, and using the bathroom..When it comes from someone else then it feels special again..and you feel as if it is true. It's sorta like that song. "looking for love in all the wrong places."
I am not saying that this kind of thing is a good behavior to do. I am simply just explaining it. I think that if you truly love someone then they will know that you love them regardless if the I love you's get old or not.
Marrage should only be between two people that love each other. That want to spend the rest of their lives together..not just a few years and call it quits. Marriage is hard work that both sides have to find common ground so that it will work out. If you don't have common ground then most likely the marriage won't last. I am not saying you have to have anything in common to make the marraige work. My husband and I hardly have anything in common and we have been married going on 4yrs this june.
I am saying you both have to find your place in the marriage and make it happen. You can't depend upon love to get you through all the hard times in your marrage. There has to be someone to step up and say that they were wrong. Love is great..but it still won't stop you from argueing about the little things.
2007-02-27 12:28:15 · answer #4 · answered by Roe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people do not think about things before they do it. I know that I have given men the chance to say I want to be with someone else or somewhere else and they have not done it but will cheat. I just say they are still little boys trapped in mens bodies trying to act grown. Because a grown man doing grown man stuff would not let it continue if he was unhappy.
2007-02-27 12:14:10 · answer #5 · answered by badazz_51 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is abolutely childish and unrealistic to think that lifetime relationships can be defined at any moment as "completly in love" or "not in love," and thatthe moment you are not "completely in love" you should end your marriage forever.
f you can have an affair and not get caught (really, most people DON'T get caught unless they want to), an affair can let you vent a little steam. Divorce is usually a permanent solution to a temporary problem, like suicide. A quick, discrete side affair can help you get through a difficult phase of your marriage without ending it.
2007-02-27 12:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Let's face it...people who leave a spouse for another person are cowards. They don't have the strength to leave on their own and now rely on another person to support their decision. It's ridiculous. My own father did it. I love him dearly, but I don't respect what he did. My mother deserved better, but in the end...they all get what they deserve. The lonliness and unhappiness that will soon be commonplace will replace the former spouse. Believe that we all get what we deserve in the end....I know he did. :)
2007-02-27 12:16:49 · answer #7 · answered by luv2teech2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ones who have affairs and don't leave, it's because their very insecure. They want to make sure they have a place to go and be accepted.
2007-02-27 12:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree it is much better to leave and move on than to cheat and have an affair.
2007-02-27 12:16:59 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know, it's just stupid, ranks right below killing your spouse because you don't want a divorce. Or something like that.
That person, the user, will never have a satisfying relationship, because they have to "lie, cheat, steal", etc. in order to "get out of" the relationship.
2007-02-27 12:09:53 · answer #10 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋