This is just what I tossed off last night because I couldn't sleep.. Please give me some constructive criticism..
Aura of the Rose
A single red rose rests upon a grand piano, relishing in its own delicate beauty. The room contains no walls, its boundaries are limitless. A rich, midnight black is present throughout the atmosphere. Though the room exists boundless, the rose possesses a divine aura which blossoms in the eyes of many. It signifies a vast number of things; Loneliness..Hope...Romance..Solitude... Yet, somewhere, with all its meanings, lies a hushed heavenly elegance.
(I do know the first two setences are run-ons, and there are a few sentence structures which are incorrect, but I left them alone so as to keep the flow of the statements.. Please be honest.)
2007-02-27 03:42:22 · 4 answers · asked by Kiara 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
NOTE: Sorry, after "romance.." it should say "solitude"...NOT "so.."
2007-02-27 03:43:50 · update #1
Thank you for your honest Rotanyu.. I don't see it as a prose, but I respect your thoughts...
2007-02-27 03:57:35 · update #2
"relishing in its own ...beauty" Should read "relishing it's own...."
Seems to me you could put the middle three sentences in a different way that includes the details in one sentence. Work with them. Try different variations.
No "So" after Romance
The last sentence is beautiful "Yet, somewhere, ........."
Hope I helped.
2007-02-27 03:54:57 · answer #1 · answered by Nepetarias 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By itself, it captures the mind. That's all I can say. I don't know what it is. You said you don't consider it to be prose, and it doesn't look like any poem structuring I know, so I'm left staring at a rose on a piano in a wall-less room.
I see this as an opening dream sequence. Where you go from here, however, is completely up to you.
2007-02-27 12:33:54 · answer #2 · answered by jcspiritseternal430 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's incomplete as it stands.
It feels like some prose in a fairy tale.
The rich midnight black would make it hard for the reader to see the Aura of the Rose.
At least to me you haven't evoke in the reader a care as to what is going on.
Don't explain that it signifies...... rather say today a petal dropped for loneliness, ages past one dropped in solitude... Something like that.
2007-02-27 11:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by Ronatnyu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
VERY GOOD
you are a great writer I am serious
2007-02-27 11:49:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋