what if my husband decides to leave me, how can i convince him to stay?

Question

i just don't understand... i really think he's seeing someone, because he's been having conversations on the phone with someone very discreetly... i have been suspecting that he's seeing someone, but i really just don't want to believe it, but he's been acting strange for almost 4 months now, like picking up fights with me. it's like everything i do is wrong, he also comes home very late, so what am i supposed to think? i can't check his phone, because he never lets me touch his things. and one more thing, whenever i ask him where he's been everytime he gets late, he always dismisses me impatiently saying, "and where do you think i've been?"

i really think he's been seeing someone

i wanted to talk about what's going on between us, but he's always away, and he really never takes time to talk to me that much.

we've been married for almost 2 years now, i don't know what i have done wrong. i have been thinking what if he's planning to leave me, then how can i convince hm to stay?

Answer 1

why would you want to make someone stay that doesn't want to stay? That would only breed anger, resentment and bitterness in both of you, if he is unfaithful, then you need to pack up and move on to someone that is deserving of your time, love and affection.

Answer 2

Sorry for what you're going through. It sounds as though your husband doesn't really love you and may have married you confusing lust with love. It happens with some women and men both. The pyhsical feeling of lust can easily be confused with the emotional feeling of love. The difference is that the lust eventually goes away, but love doesn't. His secretive behavior and his refusal to talk to you about it is a sure sign of concern. Based upon the limited amount of information that you have stated here, I would say that he dosn't really love you and he is doing something or someone else. He is probably trying to find a way to get out of this marriage that he is no longer interested in without losing too much financially. You have done nothing wrong other than committing to someone that didn't have the same commitment in their heart. As far as how you can convince him to stay, why would you want someone to stay with you that doesn't really love you? To help you make the right decision here, you need to become very blunt in your actions. Pack yourself a bag and have it ready. Set yourself a time and day to confront him. Discuss what you are going to do with a close friend or family member(so they will ready to offer you comfort and moral support). When you decide to confront him, tell him that you can't continue a marriage with no communciation, a lack of trust, and lack of genuine feelings for each other and you want to know if he is willing to discuss his behavior honestly and rationally. If he is unwilling to talk, then he isn't interested in saving your marriage or loving you. At that time you calmly go get your bag, tell him you will have your lawyer contact him, and leave. It will be tough to cope with all of this, but that's what family and friends are there for. Just remember, not all men are like him. You just made a bad choice. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. (PS: Also keep in mind that some men and women when confronted with losing financially, may suddenly say they have a change of heart and want to work things out. This is the time to be cautious. If he hasn't been trustworthy to this point, don't start believing in miracles. He might do anything to keep you on the side, his finances in tact, and continue banging some bimbo. It would be the best of both worlds for a slimebag that uses women).

Answer 3

First, it's not your fault. You probably haven't done anything. Sh&t happens in relationships all the time. I would NEVER tell someone "he's seeing someone" for sure. However, what you are describing sounds like that may be the case. He also sounds a bit controlling, which isn't good for you or your self-esteem (won't "let" you see the phone...my partner was seeing me, and his wife asked to see his phone, and he erased numbers and then gave it to her...he had better "let" you!). Next, you cannot MAKE someone stay. They won't be good to you just because they are with you. The best thing to do is to show him how strong and independent you are, and ask him if he wants to split. See what he says. Say YOU'RE not happy. Tell him he's free to go, but not free to be with someone else AND you. His defensiveness sounds suspicious. His control over his phone sounds suspicious. His distance sounds suspicious, and the picking of fights is suspicious. You can email me through here. I was the other woman. If you want to catch him and get rid of him, or EXHONERATE him, I can probably give you a few pointers. Either way...BE STRONG. SHOW HIM how fabulous and strong you are.

Answer 4

A woman's instinct is always right. He won't let you see his phone. Then, check his phone bill. Get the mail or pick it up at the post office before he does. And if there is a repeatedly called number, call it and see who picks up. Go to his work before he gets off and see if someone is meeting him. Talk to him, tell him you know what's going on and you want counseling. If he doesn't want it, then you go by yourself. Whatever you do, if he cheats on you and it's only been two years and there are no kids, then don't stick around. That isn't love. You don't deserve it and you will find someone who is nicer and better for you. You deserve the best.

Answer 5

it usually isn't about anything u have done wrong, its about him, his character, integrity, or lack of it. this is the usual way a man treats a wife once he is having an affair, its the usual pattern of behavior the man will display. because he just doesn't want to be with u, he wants to be with her. he also may feel guilty, they do usually try to hide it at first, and change the subject, or dismiss us. he has no time for u, so i would say it points to cheating, when they display that kind of behavior. if your intuition is telling u something than u can count on it being true. we just seem to know. u can talk to him, but the chances of u being able to change his mind are not very good. been there done that, and it does hurt, but if he leaves, never beg or plead as it will win u no respect at all. u will just have to accept it. but i would try by being extra nice, ut theres really no guarantee, personally once they cross that line and were betrayed it usually never works after that, as it seems to change the whole way we feel about him after awhile. once trust is gone the marriage is basically over with.to stay in a relationship where our loved one is seeing another will only hurt our own confidence after awhile. i believe if they loved us they never would have cheated in the first place, best to just live and learn from it, and leave with your dignity.

Answer 6

Sorry to tell you this BUT you cannot make someone love or want to stay with you. Let him go if he does not love you and go on with your life without him in it and you will be better off for it. Seek counseling and help to get past this as well. Also once the divorce is final maybe someday you can actually start to date again and find someone who will love you for you no matter what. I dont feel you have done anything wrong here . he is the one doing it more then likely.

Answer 7

You need to clear all this guessing and get it straight in your head as to what is going on. He is being unfair and evasive in his answers as to why he comes home late. It appears he has the power in the relationship and treats you as such. By him dismissing you whenever you ask him where he has been is an indication of his lack of respect for your feelings. He is seeing you as a pushover and therefore, taking advantage of you by him behaving so irresponsible. You need to be firm with him and demand answers. If he continues to dismiss you then I suggest you really look at how you want to be married. If you are willing to put up with this, then stay, if not, then go. The decision is yours. I can tell you this, he will not be motivated to change if you just continue to sit passively by and take it. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Well, for one thing, you are online saying things that should be turned around to suite the situation. Ask him what's the problem in the relationship. If he's so busy, what little time he's there even if he gets home late, stay up and get your answers. If you let him turn this situation around by asking you questions, he's avoiding something, so let him know that. You shouldn't let your life slip away when it's not anything on your part to cause it. You deserve to be happy too.

Answer 9

He's not going to leave unless you force him out. He is most definately cheating on you, perhaps because you are an unconfident push over, and you married a dick. Even if he isn't cheating, your marriage seems hopeless, and its only been two years? Confront him immediately. If he tries to flip around the conversation without giving answers than he is hiding something. If you are afraid, why not hire a PI? Then you'd know for a fact and can wring his *** in court. Good luck.

Answer 10

You probably haven't done anything wrong but you can't make him stay. Think about it though... why would you want to. It will be hard, very hard but think about how hard it would be to live w/ the fact that the man you love does not love you and does not want to be with you?? If he refuses counseling, there's not much you can say or do to change his mind, if he's already made it up. You are better than that and shouldn't want to be w/ someone who is, obviously, not good enough for you.

Answer 11

He may very well be cheating....Here is what I would do when he comes home late. You need to be all over him loving him and hinting that you want him right now. this way you can smell him, and smell any perfume scents as well as other female scents on his male parts if you know what I mean....Now you need to be aggressive about this little activity....if he becomes very protective of you being all over him or getting into his p***s. then he has something to hide. and you will pretty much know...but you need to get as close as you can so that you can smell him.