How can I leave my insane wife? I cannot take any more.?

Question

I have been patient with her insanity for years, at terrible cost to myself. I am miserable with her, She continuously plays drama games with me, with real life costs, and then is bouncing off the walls with anger nearly every night. I find myself literally praying to God EVERY night for her to be in a good mood, and fear every weekend.
I actually have left her, and am living in a hotel. Now she is claiming that she has anorexia again, is suicidal, and so on...and says that the only way for her to get better is for me to come home. I called a therapist for her, but she is still being impossible.
I am dead set against going back, but I don't know how to continue to keep away as she is suffering greatly. I do care about her wellbeing, but suspect she is doing all she can to manipulate me into coming back. Further she is using her illnesses to avoid even talking issues.
I am not a cold person, if I were then perhaps I would not be in such shape today. I just cannot take any more.

Answer 1

i understand its hard sometimes to see the good when there is so much bad, bottom line if your not happy your not happy, i learned along time ago if i am in a relationship and its not good why stay i am hurting myself just not wanting to hurt the other person by leaving. PUT you first for once she is probally doing the pity attention thing, in your hearts of hearts if you know she wont do something stupid then dont play into it! She will heal you will heal but at least being alone happy is better than being with someone NOT happy. There is to much life to waste it miserable..i know its hard but after sometime it gets easier for her and you dealing with it..maybe ask a dear friend to step up and be there for her to get her thru the tough first weeks till she realizes maybe she was that way because she WASNT happy..good luck sweetie..i know its hard! huggs, Bubbles

Answer 2

Has your wife been diagnosed by a doctor as having bipolar or anything of the sort? Is she taking any medications? The problem is that when a person has a mental illness they don't think they have anything wrong. They seem to "attach" themselves to their spouse. You are not a "cold" person. She does things to you and/or in front of you, that no one else sees. You're probably trying to figure out how did you ended up in this situation. The way your feeling right now is not wrong. There is a foundation called NAMI.You can visit their website and you can also e-mail them questions, comments and they can help you get in touch with someone that can help you through this. If your wife is suicidal and tells you this you can call a hospital. Many hospitals have a crisis intervention and sometimes they could go out to where the person is living and/or staying at and evalute them on the spot. They can decide if the person should be taken to a hospital and they can also help you. Try and talk to someone. Her behavior is taking a toll on you. Try not to feel guilty. Which is hard, I know. My spouse suffers from a mental illness which took several years to diagnose and it was hard for me to deal with it. But because his illness turned more serious and we have children I had to think about the safety of them. He was placed in a hospital and evaluated. He now lives in a group home where he is safe and they make sure he is taking his medications. It's very hard for many to understand what a person goes through when a spouse or a family member has a mental illness. I hope that you can find help for you and your wife. So that you can make a decision without feeling bad about it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds as though she is depressed and needs medication. You both need to talk with the therapist to try and resolve the problem. She is also going to have to make a decision on whether or not to be happy....yes once she Begin's taking meds for depression....the choice to be happy and continuing the drama is her choice. You do have to give the meds time to get into her system which usually takes about a month to build up in her system. Also if you can get her out walking with you or some type of exercise...this will help release serotonin in her brain and will also help the depression. Right now you being away may be best until she calms down....her mind is a jumbled mess of all kinds of thoughts and she is having a hard time comping with what is so overwhelming to her. I do wish you luck....You do sound as though that you love her and want the best for her, so don"t let go just yet.....go to the therapy together for a while to see if it can be salvaged, and to monitor your wife progress. Then I am sure that the therapist will instruct you when to try to move back in....sometimes we all need a wake up call. Make sure that she sees a psychiatrist ASAP.... or maybe the family DR. can provide a good anti- depressant until you can get to the psychiatrist.....but the psychiatrist can prescribe the correct anti depressant.

Answer 4

You are right, she is manipulating you. My sister in law is the same way. My husband stopping talking to her and told her that he can't talk to her anymore until she gets help. It's been 4 years. If she has you to lean on, meaning you play into her outbursts then you're listening, and she can get a reaction. But if you tell her that you're done and that you want her to get help or you won't return her calls or see her. Then she doesn't have an audience. I hope that there aren't any children involved if so then you have to decide what and how to deal with that first. Children don't ask to be born into a situation like this.

Answer 5

You are right, she is trying to manipulate you by using her illness and trying to make you feel guilty. I think that if you really want out then you need to stay away. Make sure that she knows her tactics are not working and that you are serious and will not be swayed by anything she does. It would not be fair to her or to you if you are wishy washy and give her false hope or go back if it's not what you want for yourself. Sometimes the time comes to walk away, no matter what the other person threatens or does. You need to start worrying about you and just make your own life and try to be happy, it sounds like you could never make her happy no matter what you do anyway. Good luck, I know what you are doing is hard.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, you cannot fix her. She needs professional help. She sounds like she has many issues and may be bipolar. You going back will not solve her problems, but you may need to make a deal with her for her to get help. Maybe you could suggest that you will come back only if she seeks treatment for her problems. I know it is very hard on you....I grew up with a bipolar mother and I never knew which personality would meet me at the door.I think it's great that you are trying to help her. If necessary, call and talk to the therapist about her yourself and get some suggestions. Eventually, you have to do what is best for your mental health before it tears you apart. I wish you the best and hope that your wife will get the help she needs to carry on with her life.

Answer 7

You have answered your own question as she is definatley manipulating you. If you give in now and go back to her she will feel as if she has total power over you and no matter what she does you will always run back to her
After all this time you deserve a life and some happiness of your own. Help her, but at a distance, she is responsible for her wellbeing not you as you have done all you can
I wish you well

Answer 8

dude,ive been there..move the belongings of yours that you cant absolutly live without while shes at work to a storage unit in another town,say at least 40 miles away.take only what you absolutly cant live without.if she works say 9-5 for example,get your stuff the hell outta there,then go to the bank and drain every cent.then go home like its just another day at the ranch,make some small talk,how was you day,etc,then tell her youre goin to the store and never come back.if she really is a whackjob,if you happen to run into her in public in the future you can tell her you got kidnapped by some govt agency.crazy people love a good conspiricy.they always think the man is out to get them,so just tell her the man was out to get ya and finally got ya,but you cant talk about it because its all hush hush,lol.thats plan a.

plan b would be tell her youve been doin some girl she hates for years and then leave.

plan c:tell her your gay

plan d: tell her you got drafted into the army and have to go fight the upcoming secret war in paraguay.

plan e.tell her that you were really born in moldovia and you never got any papers and youre gettin deported

50 ways to leave youre lover homes,i hope it works out for ya
sarge

Answer 9

This woman needs some serious therapy and medication. Tell her the ONLY way you will come home is if she agrees to see someone immediately and take the medication that person subscribe. Be sure she understands that if she does not follow those simple rules, the marriage is over. Do NOT let her put the blame on you. There is help out there, if she is not willing to get it, that is NOT your fault. No matter what she does to herself if you do NOT go back, if will NOT be your fault. Please understand that. People have sicknesses. There are doctors for it, and medicine. I implore you to tell her if she does not seek help you will refuse to speak to her again and you will refuse to allow her to place the blame on you.

I hope everything works out.

Answer 10

wow what a mess. if you think its all a ploy to control you then staying away is the only thing you can do for your own mental health but... if you have even the slighest hint that she is a real danger to herself being her husband you have the right to have her commited for 72 hours to be checked out i know thats a huge step but look at it this way if your right and its all a game to her that is a sure fire way to make her leave you alone and if shes truely ill she needs the help far more then she needs you to come home. i hope there are no children involved.