I need a woman's point of view on this:?

Question

Which do you prefer? Being asked for $ex by your husband or boyfriend, or not being asked? My wife has a below average drive. I used to ask her for $ex but I've totally stopped asking her. I stopped because I felt that I was putting too much pressure on her which might have been having an adverse affect on our relationship. Strangely enough, we more or less still do it the same number of times per month. The only difference is that I always wait for her to ask me.
Now that I've stopped asking for it, I realize that I prefer to be asked. I feel so much less pathetic!! O=(^o^) Also in a masochistic kind of way, I actually enjoy the denial part of it ...to a point..

So, do you like to ask for it, or do you like to be asked?

I'd like to thank everyone for responding. Unfortunately, the reason I'm asking about "asking for it" is because my wife any I never have spontaneous $ex. I don't know if it's a cultural difference...(I'm American she's Japanese)

She's very picky about the way everything works. In other words, she's already decided "$ex is something that should only happen at night. No matter how happy I am I don't ever want to do it in the morning." etc etc
I'm done trying to figure out her take on the matter. I love her, but we are fairly incompatible in this way.

Answer 1

My husband and I switch. Then again we don't come out and ask, "Hey babe, wanna do it?" Usually it;s a lingered kiss on the neck or a well placed hand that encourages "Want something, love?" then it's yes or no depending.

I'm glad to see youa nd your wife are doing well. it can be rough when one partner is more interested in sex then the other. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

I don't like to be asked for it. I'd rather my man just kiss me and take me right there.

If you are worried about putting pressure on her I would kiss her and touch her a little. If she says that she isn't in the mood for sex, then tell her, that's ok but you still want to kiss her, and then kiss her for a couple more minutes. Maybe after, hold her hand while sleeping or snuggle up to her. If it was during the day, continue to touch her back or whatever she likes, just so that it eases the affection away from that moment and eliminates her guilt of her not being in the mood. Because if she tells you no and you suddenly just stop, you may mean it as its ok and just don't want her to be uncomfortable, but she may take it as you are upset or feel rejected.

Answer 3

I am your opposite...that being, I use to ask my fiance for it and first he would say things like I was a nymphomaniac or there was no pleasing me, then he said he could not perform on demand, he was too tired, headache, back hurt...etc. He even went as far as getting some Viagra, which was not our problem, Viagra doesn't make you want to have relations just keep the mood longer. I gave up asking, it was just making things worse and guess what? He started doing the asking or initiating the desire to couple. I can honestly say we have more intimate times now than when I was always asking him to. I'd still like to daily but I'll settle for what we have now.

Answer 4

I'd rather ask than be asked. My boyfriend will ask me in the morning if he can get it that night. It drives me up a wall because I don't know if I'll want to do it 15 hours later. I'd rather ask when I'm ready for it. If I get turned down, oh well. There's always another time.

Answer 5

What a tricky question! For me, I HATE when my husband "asks" me for sex. It makes me feel like that is all he wants from me, he is using me, and I'm a hooker or something. What I prefer, is good conversation, going to a movie, out to eat, laughing, talking, etc. When we get home, if he just treats me caringly (a word?), grabs my face gently and kisses me, starts slowly rubbing my skin, my back, etc, it always gets me in the mood. Foreplay for women starts hours before the actual sex. If you made her mad that day, or even the day before, and it's not resolved, chances are she won't be in the mood. I do realize men LOVE for women to make the first move, jump on them, say things like, "Hey, just F*&K me", but if your wife is already distanced from sex, she won't do that. Also, it's a proven fact that if women would just allow the man to begin the foreplay, her body will eventually respond, even if she is not in the mood. The more sex a woman has, the more she will begin to like it (if it's good). If she goes a long time between sex, then her body will also get used to it. Basically, you have to romance her, and asking a women for sex if the fartherest you can get from getting sex!

When my husband and I are getting along and he is treating me with respect and kindness and does things for me, I do make the first move. I even surprise him with things sometimes, (hey, my secret) and he really, REALLY appreciates it!

Just my own personal experience and opinons!

Answer 6

I wasn't attracted to my ex-husband for many years. I hated being asked; he just thought I had a low libido. I would sometimes initiate it because I knew he was getting p.o.'d and I wanted to get it overwith. However, my partner of three years doesn't "ask"; he just tests the waters. Actual asking seems weird to me...very unseductive and uninteresting, and kind of crass, but that's just me. I've never even wanted to turn him down. I don't like to be the one to make the move; I want him to just want me and let me know. If I was ever turned down for what I knew was a lame excuse (since I had used them all myself in my marriage), I'd probably punish him...without even realizing it.

Answer 7

To ask and to be asked is the normal way I guess.Sometimes sounds fun when asked, at other times, one should be able to just ask, knowing that he/she will say yes or no. But no doesnt mean rejection all the time.If a lot of NOs are coming your way, you wanna talk about that though.

Answer 8

Neither. My guy and I just basically reach for each other...(wondering if that's the same as asking?).

I like sex to be a spontaneous thing which it is. If he or I had to verbally ask each other, I think it would make me feel awkward.

Answer 9

Well, I don't really like it when my husband asks me straight out. I do like it if he just tries to initiate it without words. But, honestly... he still gets turned down his fair share with that tactic. If you're happy with the way things are than just go with it. Though you might tell her how sexy she is and attractive she is just so she doesn't start thinking you don't want her anymore.

Answer 10

you can't ask for something like that hun. In my opinion it ruins the mood. Just make the moves on her and if she's into it she'll go with it. Don't forget that foreplay is very important to women.