My husband and I have been together for 4 years, & got married Sept '06. Last June, we decided to move out of state to 'start our new lives'. After being there for 6 months, we were both unhappy and missed our family & friends, but our relationship was stronger than ever and we were very much in love. We made the decision to move back home this past Jan. My best friends' roommate happened to be moving out & she needed roommates so the opportunity to move in with her seemed perfect. Now we are all living together and we all get along well, so no problem there. But ever since we've been back my husband is ALWAYS with his friends or always has to have friends over, and he never wants to spend 'alone time' with just me. [my roomy gives us space whenever] His attitude has been so negative towards me, and I feel like he's starting to distance himself from me. We never talk anymore & I don't feel the love from him. I've tried telling him how I feel and he seems to shrug it off. Any advice?
2007-02-27 02:16:11 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
serious advice only please!!!
2007-02-27 02:19:54 · update #1
thanks for all your great responses...just wanted to add that the reason we are living with a roomy at the moment is to save $ and buy a house...we live in Taxachusettes, its almost impossible to be my age and own a house nm have my own apartment!
2007-02-27 03:43:32 · update #2
Man, it is hard when the guy you love starts hanging out all of the time with his friends and no time with you.
Try a different approach, maybe writing a letter, taking him to dinner, or something.
He needs to understand that you are hurting by what he is doing, and if he really loves you he will hear you out and try to change.
If not, you may have to find other things to do and hang out with your friends, until he is ready to make a change.
Counseling is always a option as well, if that is too expensive bring in a 3rd party that you all both trust for some advice.
I hope you all are able to work it out...
2007-02-27 02:26:19 · answer #1 · answered by Ms Brown Eyez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Moving out of state into your own place and starting a new life was that act of adults.
Moving back and into a roommate situation is that act of kids, and now he is acting like a kid.
You chose easy over hard. In the end, hard is much more rewarding than easy, and in truth, everyone knows that.
Get out of the roommate situation and into your own place. It may be hard, the two of you may have to work hard to pay the rent, the utilities, the car payment, the insurance, keep the house clean, groceries in the refrigerator, etc. But that is what adult married people do. They depend on one another, lean on one another. You have already seen how good your marriage can be when you choose a hard path. Choose it again.
And if you discuss this with you husband and he opposes it, then you need to ask yourself (and maybe him) if you married a man, or a boy.
2007-02-27 10:40:41 · answer #2 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I can't give you any useful advice as such. However, if he isn't connecting with you 100% on the communication side of it, then there are two possibilities:
1) He is unable to tell you how he feels.
2) He is unwilling to tell you how he feels.
Both are equally dangerous, but the second one is harder to solve. Try this simple test:
Ignore him more than he ignores you, and see how long it goes before he initiates contact with you. Not just any contact mind you, it needs to be the kind of contact that confronts the issue. "Wanna get some pizza?" is hardly communicating. It needs to be more like, "What's wrong?" or "Are you OK?"
If he does that, I'd say you're in the clear, but if he just lets you hang indefinitely regardless of the passage of time, I'd say you've got a problem....and I think you know what I mean when I say "problem".
...yeah, I'm afraid so.
2007-02-27 10:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you take a weekend away. Maybe just go stay in a nice hotel suite for the weekend with no worry or distractions.
Guys like to have their own household dwelling for one. You say your roomy gives you guys space, but she still lives there. Maybe he doesn't like the fact that she can come around if she wanted to.
So take a weekend away from the roomy and maybe he'll open up to you. Light some candles, pour some wine, and unwind!
Hope this helped and wish ya the best!â¥
2007-02-27 10:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a bed of Roses one day, thorns the next. Just imagine what it has been like for my wife and I after 48 years! I must be honest and say there were times that we had many problems, and it was when we shared our lives with others that were close to, that they got worse. Praise the Lord He showed us a way out, and we have had 7 children, and so far 14 grand-children. Love is Great. God Bless !!
2007-03-05 20:03:53 · answer #5 · answered by fuzzypetshop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your relationship with your husband. I think he needs to go to counselling for your marriage. Sit him down and tell him our marriage is over unless we go get help. If he says he's not going then tell him to pack up and move out. If he really does love you he will listen to what your saying to him. All of us need to feel loved and respected when it comes to our needs. It looks as though he is putting you last on his list. This isn't right or fair! Give him a choice and stick with it. Take my advice and make your life worth living. Cocoa
2007-02-27 10:28:27 · answer #6 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he figures if you can live with your best friend, he can have his friends in his life too????
Yu 2 need to sit down and and make a schedule for alone times. IF he's not willing to do that, then find a place of interest and say your BOTH moving there!
2007-02-27 10:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband feels uncomfortable living in your friends place. You said "my roomy gives us space" It's time you found your own space. He'll feel more comfortable as will you and the quiet times will be there when you want not when your roomy gives it.
2007-02-27 11:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by Loran T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not even going to read this, you first need spiritual love through the lord, so it can phase into your love for others, it never went any where, its your to give, whether you get it back or not, and if your not getting it back you need to get counseling from your minister or church leaders or social leaders to help you through , to see if your spirits can reconnect, sorry I actually forgot my glasses today and I am having a hard time although I love to help gods people.
2007-03-03 14:18:05 · answer #9 · answered by nadine_forbear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By moving in with friends you and your husband have begun to not focus on the marriage, especially if the friends are single. .By living with friends you two have surrounded yourselves with outside influences. You and your husband need to find a place of your own so that the intimacy in your marriage can have a chance to grow.
2007-02-27 10:31:47 · answer #10 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋