Help with my seventh grader???

Question

My son is in 7th grade and has some problems. He isn't quite as mature as he should be and maybe even a little goofy for middle school standards. He gets upset because he hasn't got many friends and the ones he does have are not REALLY friends. Anyone have any suggestions about activities he can get involved in over the summer to help boost his maturity and self esteem? (He has been in karate, it didn't help) THANKS

Also, I have a 9 yr old daughter. These two are great friends (which is great!) However, he tends to come down to her level even though she is smart enough to come up to his. He plays baseball, but won't practice enough to make a team. He seems to like everything other kids his age does, but plays very easily with little kids and carries that "younger" attitude to other aspects of his life.

Just to le everyone know... My son plays baseball, soccer and basketball (not on school teams, but for rec) He plays the clarinet in the school band and is pretty acurate target shooter. I think I know what to do now.

Answer 1

I have a son the same age, with exactly the same problem, so I will be interested to see the answers to this question.

Mine tries to be class clown, only he isn't funny really, and another kid told him "you think you are funny, but you aren't" earlier this year. He has gotten quieter ever since, although he still tries some.

I take him several times a week to this popular gym where other boys from his school go. I am lucky to have that particular option, and I know it. I will say that since joining this gym last year he has become unbelievably good at shooting baskets in basketball. Living in an apartment, I didn't have a hoop for him to practice. Other boys do somewhat respect his prowess in shooting hoops.

However, yesterday he saw a group of "popular" boys from his school at the gym in the basketball court area and wouldn't ask them if he could join in their basketball game, and just shot baskets alone.

I will say that boys often make friends through sports or some other activity, but mostly sports is the easiest avenue. It all comes down to that. So sports camps make great sense.

And, VERY IMPORTANT, go back to the karate classes. I think you pulled him out too soon. He needs to get competent at something and other boys will respect that. A black belt is a universal symbol. That will make him more attractive as a friend to other boys.

Also, put him in sports. My son plays soccer.


It takes time to mature. Your son is a late bloomer. Does he like to run? Does he play in band? You need to be looking down the road at high school. What is he going to do in high school? Tennis? Swim team? Track team? Math club and contests? Evaluate him to see where his strengths are. However, as a boy he needs a sport to find a niche in high school, unless he's very verbal and a natural for the stage, or some other talent. Otherwise, sports are where boys fit in with their peers, so try out all kinds of different sports to see where he fits and concentrate on that sport a lot. High school can be a nightmare if a kid doesn't have a niche, something he has been doing all along since 7th grade or earlier, so that he just blends right in and everyone labels him as that particular activity--like oh him, he's the soccer player or the actor or the swimmer or whatever he does.

In my case, I have the added complication that my son is ashamed to live in an apartment when everyone else lives in a house, so he tells me, so he cannot invite kids over and get to know them better. Also, I have an old car at present that he ducks down in when he sees someone around his age when I drop him off at the gym.

He does have social awareness, this is something kids can be born with, and it can be a blessing in that he doesn't call that much attention to himself but also a curse in that he thinks kids don't like him (when in fact he's just too sensitive and the reality is they don't pay any attention to him).

I am considering boarding school. I think it would really help him.

I will be interested in seeing the other answers you get, so please keep this answer open as long as possible to attract the greatest number of responses, if you don't mind!

Answer 2

I teach 7th graders and it is a goofy age. He will mature over the summer. How about baseball or basketball camp? He needs to make some good friends, even just one. Tell him it is ok to have a little amount of friends, it is better than 30 bad ones. At this age, kids are mean. They are friends one minute and enemies another. If he has a good friend, ask what they are doing in the summer. Maybe he can get in on something. Make friends with their parents too. Kids are less likely to be fairweather friends when they know the parents are friendly too. Be involved in school and take to his counselor for ideas. He may be exaggerating or just feeling a little left out. He will be better once out of this school. Sounds like those kids aren't a good bunch. Good luck. This will affect his self-esteem and behavior in school if it isn't taken care of early. It could be worse...he could have been a girl-they're meaner.

Answer 3

Perhaps a really good summer camp program might help him to adjust to all the changes that are expected of him now that he is getting older. He will mature because of being on his own more, making more of his own decisions there, also adjusting to a more ridgid system(they have to have rules or the kids will take over)of things like meals and work time. All the same time he will be having fun learning new skills and one of them is social activities. This may cost a bit but would be worth it if the boy comes home with a new attitude toward life and more maturity.

I recommend a sleep over camp for at least part of the time.

Answer 4

I know a boy just like your son. He has trouble with kids his own age and get very upset if things in school don't go how he wanetd them to (forgetting his homework, argueing with teachers). He plays the violin, and is very good, cares very much about orchestra. If your son would like to, you should look into an instrument or something like that. that way he can be involved and socialize wth other kids, but if he's not ready for it, he doesn't have to. The boy i know takes private lessons and plays in the school orchestra, he's made lots of friends, but can still have something to do when he doesn't want to be with other children.

Answer 5

Maybe you can check out some summer camps. Maybe if he spent a week away at camp it would give him a chance to get involved with kids his own age. I went to summer camps when I was younger and had a blast. Everyone is A Little scared the first few days but he will have lots of fun.

Answer 6

I have a seventh grade sister and she seems a little "wierd" sometimes it is because of that age they will mature of that stage I promise because I was there too its just the new generation of kids they all go through it some just do earlier than others try sports to help though

Answer 7

Karate does not help kids make friends in school. Most of the karate kids I know are dorks.
Try sports like baseball, soccer, etc.

Answer 8

Your son needs to be in a group of people who really accept him as their friend and has many fun activities for kids his age like parties, summer camp, volunteer projects. This is why Jesus wants us to be a family of believers. It is to our benefit. Take him to Bible study class.

All people need other people in their lives more than they do activities. His life will change. He will be happy. God bless.

Answer 9

How about some sports, soccer, baseball, youth football or wrestling. If he seems not interested in any of those, maybe boyscouts. Good luck.

Answer 10

well i gotta tell u sumthing lady, there is this kid in my school who does not have any friends, I mean like at all, he sucks at gym/sports (Gym teacher yells at him NON-stop) and he believes aliens exist, but if your son is like that sorry lady theres no changing him, if hes not get him in sports or sumthing