What's the big deal with people getting married so young?

Question

i'm 18 and engaged. Sure like any normal couple we've argued. we've made love. we've cried and laughed. We are young, lively and full of love that we share towards one another. We are both old fashioned. We believe the woman should cook and clean and take care of her husband and children. And that the man should take care of the finances and his dependants needs. All we have been recieving are negative thoughts. People don't think that they have to fight for a relationship sometimes. they expect to go into a relationship and it be a breeze. Everything just flows. How often does that happen in a marriage? if ever. Learning to make sacrifices, knowing how much to give and how much to take. And finally realizing that life is what you make of it. that is the key. in my opinion. I'm past the infatuation stage, it's past just being in love, i see flaws, but nothing i would change. It's learning to love someone for them and never expecting more.

Answer 1

You present yourself as a thoughtful informed individual who is ready for a commitment. Your thoughts on love and marriage are beyond what you'd expect for an 18 yr old. I would think you two should have a decent chance of making things work, but you must admit statistically things are against you.
Will your "old fashioned" approach to marriage carry the two of you for the next 70 or 80 years? What if one of you becomes disabled? Do you have alternate ideas or plans to deal with unexpected changes in your lives? Are both of you committed to the happiness and emotional well being of the other... permanently? Can both of you say that they will NEVER touch another person for the rest of your lives, and have no regrets about it? Do both of you have desires for college? careers? Even a stay at home wife/mom needs to have the education to run a household, and raise outstanding children.
Your statement that people have to fight for their relationship is right on. It's 24/7/365, but it's ultimately the most enjoyable precious struggle you'll ever have.
Good luck to the two of you. If your fiancee has as much dedication to your relationship as you seem to have, you two will do just fine.

Answer 2

The big deal about getting married young is basically what you've just said. Often when people are young they think they know everything and they are invincible. They think life and marriage are just a bed of roses. However, you sound as though you and your fiance have talked a lot about your future. If you both want the same things from life, realize that every married couple fight and both intend to work on your relationship everyday, you have a good head start. The important thing is your maturity level. If you are mature enough (both of you) to realize you are entering into a life long commitment, and you want to be with each other for the rest of your lives then you are heading in the right direction. The negative reaction you are receiving is just because people care about you. They want you to know what you are getting into and they may be trying to protect you. You sound very responsible. If you want, you could go to premarital counselling and then your families might feel better about your impending marriage. As you said, life is what you make it, so is marriage.

Answer 3

My thought is that some people who are young and engaged sometimes don't realize that after you spend some time with your fiance/husband/wife. The "butterfly" feeling in your gut isn't going to always be there. Its not always going to be magical and wonderful all the time.
There's going to be fights, You're going to have to make sacrifices and good god, you are going to get sick of your significant other from time to time.
Or my favorite quote from Debra on everybody loves raymond "theres going to be screams you've never heard come out of you before"
My hubby and I got engaged when I was 18 as well. We got married when I was 19. I'll be 22 in April and am 7 months along with our second child.
We've stuck in there and we both know that yeah things may get difficult but we love eachother and while love is a feeling, its also a choice and you have to CHOOSE to look past the flaws and stick to the commitment you made.
He works and I'm a stay at home mom. I wouldn't want it any other way. He loves me and I love him. Everything that we have been through has taught us lessons and our love and the bond between us is stronger than ever.
I guess some people are quick to judge younger people getting married because of maturity levels, priorities so on and so forth.
And its ok to be old fashioned!

Answer 4

Usually the objection people have about young adults marrying is that the couple may bot have the full life experience that and older couple might and that as the years move one the younger couple could be more likely to wonder what they might have missed out on. Also younger adults are more likly to be reckless and prone to jump into things without really thinging about it simple beacasue it seems like a fun thing to do at the time. For instance marriage. Young couples have a higher divorce rate because of this and I think people are just trying to protect you from the heartache that is a very real possibility. If you love each other go for it. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Sounds like you've got better grips on what marriage is than most married people. Congratulations. I was married at 17, and we're nearing our 2 year anniversary. Let me tell you, it's not a breeze. Ever. It's always a sacrifice. My husband hasn't lived at home for a year, because he's been in training for the military. Before that, we lived with family because we couldn't find good enough income. It's always a struggle, but getting married young helps. Otherwise, you get married when you're older and set in your ways, and there's a lot more to argue about.

Congrats.

Answer 6

I also married at 18, and except for having my children at a young age, I WOULD OF WAITED!! I would have gotten as much education as I could have possibly have gotten. I was very mature for my age too. But my husband and I have had alot of problems throughout our marriage and I do believe it's cause we didn't "sow our oats" a little more. Go have fun....be a kid!! Date other people, enjoy life a little more. Because marriage is forever...not just for a "little while" or when you think you want out you get out. Good Luck

Answer 7

You're very mature for your age. You've learned more in your 18 years than a lot of people have in 30 or more years, but you're only half the equation in your marriage. Is your fiance equally mature? If so, then you have a better than even chance of surviving in marriage. Good Luck! I wish you the best!!

Answer 8

You sound like you are on the right track. The reason most young marriages don't work out is they keep living like singls and won't sacrifice anything for eachother. Sounds like you got the right stuff though. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

Well I was in your shoes exactly, my marriage lasted 14 years , 4 great kids from it. So let me tell you what went wrong in a nut shell. We never lived life as adults prior to getting married and starting our family. And though it worked for a long time , we both gradually grew up. Unfortunately as adults we found different desires and thoughts and feelings in life. Your still growing up in short, of course you will rebel against that , but its true. You have a lot to learn about Yourselves still as individuals before that life long commitment will get you blessings from most around you.

Answer 10

Most folks that are against young marriages are those that did it and it failed, or their parents who watched them fail.

You sound more mature than most that think their in love and will always be in love with the one they feel their in love with. Your relationship sounds like one of the very few in a relationship that just may work out.

I'm glad your happy and you think you know it all, already. Good Luck and keep those home fires burning.