April 06 was the wedding date. I was in the process of the wedding planning..bridesmaids, etc. I've had my best friend for 11 yrs who i choose 2 be my maid of honor. Everything was going well until my dad passed away Dec 05 who I was VERY close to. I have a close group of girls (8 of us) & we get together a few days before xmas for a polyanna exchange. During the evening of the exchange one of my friends husband saw my best friend drop a baggy of Cocaine out of her pocket. We were told about it. We have suspected it. We had a "talk" with her letting her know we are here 2 help if she has a problem etc. Then the viewing came..she was so high. Everyone could tell but I didn't say anything 2 her. The next day was the funeral & she did not show up. After that I kicked her out of the wedding. I since then haven't talked 2 her hardly. I've been thinking about her & dont know if i should try 2 be friends again or keep her in my past.
2007-02-27 00:47:43 · 9 answers · asked by sassybchgal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
SHE WENT AWAY TO COLLEGE IN 98 AND GOT INTO THE WRONG CROWD. WE HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH HER & DRUGS AND BEHAVIOR DIFFERENCES SINCE SHE LEFT FOR SCHOOL. HOW MUCH SHOULD ONE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH? WE TRIED TO TALK TO HER AND HELP HER...SHE WAS IN DENIAL OF HER DRUG PROBLEM. WHEN SHE DID NOT SHOW UP FOR MY DADS FUNERAL, WHEN I NEEDED HER MOST, SHE WAS TOO CAUGHT UP IN DRUGS AND COULDN'T EVEN GET HER THOUGHTS TOGETHER TO KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT FROM WRONG. SHE TEXT MSG'ED A FRIEND OF MINE TO TELL ME THAT SHES SORRY SHE COULDN'T MAKE IT. THATS JUST WRONG...YOU JUST DONT NOT GO TO YOUR BEST FRIENDS FUNERAL, WHOM SHE ALSO CALLED DAD. I GUESS I'M JUST STILL SENSITIVE ABOUT IT ALL. IT REALLY HURT WHEN I DIDN'T SEE HER THERE AND I GUESS IT'S SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T GET OVER. I WANT TO. I NEED ADVICE. I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO HER AGAIN AND BE THERE FOR HER AS A FRIEND. BUT THEN AGAIN...SHOULD I?
2007-02-27 00:50:28 · update #1
I would ask her to a lunch for just the two of you. Tell her she's out of the wedding as you can not rely on her to show - cite your dad's funeral and how much you really needed her at that time and she chose the drugs instead.
Tell her you want to be her friend forever but her drug dependency is making it difficult to impossible. And, although you will always be available and opened to her, she needs to get her life out of the ditch for the two of you to have any meaningful, on going friendship.
Be sure to tell her you will always love her and that your greatest fear is having to attend her funeral in the not too distant future. Then offer to help her find a rehab center because you love her.
And follow through.
2007-02-27 07:00:02 · answer #1 · answered by txkathidy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something only you can decide. My best friend for over 12 years has been on and off of drugs for the last 5 years. I hate to see it and sometimes it really bothers me, but there's nothing I can really do. She's been arrested and to several rehabs, but the herion, cocaine, crack or pain pills seem to always find a way back into her life. Probably 4 years ago she stole my credit card and some cash out of my purse. She paid every penny back, but that doesn't mean it hurt me any less.
Maybe I'm too forgiving, but I'm always here for her. Sometimes we'll go up to 9 months without speaking and then she'll call once she feels her life is almost in order again. She just had a healthy baby boy 3 months ago, and has been in touch more regularly. I can never be 100% positive she's off the drugs, I'll never trust her again but that don't mean I won't be her friend. She once told me, even if she gets completely clean she'll still be an addict -- she'll always be "an addict".
I understand the way drugs can take a hold of your life, and put you on a rollercoaster with no end. I wish they would have never lured her in.
Based on my experiences I think your friend probably needs a friend -- but that's up to you. I have spent nights crying about my friend and it's not emotionally healthy for me to mull over her. I just want to warn you if you decide to try to keep her in your life you probably can't set your expectations too high. The situatiion is going to cause emotional stress whether you have contact or not -- writing her off might cause less stress. However I know how difficult it is to lose a friend, and I chose to hold on to mine as much as possible. I hope your friend is able to clean up her act.
2007-02-27 09:09:35 · answer #2 · answered by thatgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you can't help someone if they don't want it but i think you should maybe forgive her for not going to the funeral did you ever think that maybe she didn't want to hurt you any more than she already did just because she was high on cocaine dosen't mean she wasn't aware the next day what she had done. drugs are a hard thing and losing a parent is bad but sometimes losing your bestfriend ,right after to drugs is the worse cause when she is ready for help there won't be anyone there and thats normaly when they take thier own life so try again on the friendship thing
2007-02-27 09:07:37 · answer #3 · answered by mom101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to hold grudges where best friends are concerned. You may never find another "best" friend for the rest of your life. I don't think that you want it to end either. True, you are/were devastated by the fact that she wasn't there for you when you needed her the most, but she could be just as devastated by the fact that she wasn't in any condition to show up. You should call, but don't let it turn into a pissing match. You can tell her your disappointment but don't go beyond that, don't sound like God- almighty either. Tell her that you love her & want your friendship to bond tighter by what happened instead of the awkwardness you are both feeling right now. To err is human, if people never made mistakes, we wouldn't learn anything. Once you show her that you can accept her for who/what she is, she may start to listen to your advice about her dependancy and seek help. She will need you big time.
Good Luck,
Ray
2007-02-27 09:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by fuscorayj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs a friend but you cant let her bring you down with her, my husband has the same problem and I am fed up with him, I am giving him one last chance and Im filling for divorce, I know he needs me like your friend needs you, but you have to live your own life too, Just contact her and let her know you are there for her and leave it at that. She knows how you are and maybe she will come to you when she is ready to give up on the lifestyle she is in now and you can help. But until then she has an additiction that is controling her and there is nothing you can do about it, dont take anything personal she does, she is not in her right mind, she has the drugs controling her life.
2007-02-27 08:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your dad.Even if she didn't go to his funeral I think you should give her another chance. I mean everyone deserves another chance. Even her. Just try to be friends, and then help her with her drugs problem. I believe this is hard for her to.
2007-02-27 09:10:46 · answer #6 · answered by Coolgal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u shared and involved in every matters of her , u were with her by sharing all her joyness .and when she left free ,it is wrong thing to avoid her.be a true friend and show the real part of the world to her.
2007-02-27 09:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think you should give her a chance if she comes off the drugs and try and help her with it
2007-02-27 08:54:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
avoid him
2007-02-27 08:52:21 · answer #9 · answered by keral 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋