does it mess u up???

Question

If your mum and dad spilt when you were young ,cause my friends mum and dad did and it happent years ago but he has real bad abandomrnt issues and cant get into a serious relation ship cause he to scared

Answer 1

The question itself messes me up..

Answer 2

It does mess some people up, and that is the cold, hard fact. People will come in here and say, "It's better for kids for unhappy parents to split up than to stay together," but that is a generalization that may not even generally be true. Divorce is traumatic because it rends a family apart. It represents surrender -- failure. Divorce is a clear statement to children, "Marriage is not something worth working for." It also says to children, whether divorced people like hearing this or not, "You, my child, are less important to me than my dislike for your other parent." In that regard, it represents an enormous insult to the psyche of a child.

Answer 3

It is very damaging, my mum and dad devoiced when I was 17, it made me stay in an abusive relationship with mt husband as I didn't want my kids to go through it, but I had to get out in the end. I got over it eventualy but mum and dads split is still too hard to get over.

Answer 4

Unfortunately yes, I think it does mess you up.....it messes everyone up. Divorce is like a death, but rarely do we take the time to mourn the loss.

I divorced my sons father two years ago. We have taken a lot of time discussing the divorce, and I know their dad has also talked to them.

In hindsight, I should've tried harder to keep it together for their sake, but in the end, we would've gotten divorced anyway.

Tell your friend to take his relationships slow.....if he's young, there is no rush to find a relationship.....there's no reason to rush if he's old.

Tell him to get a houseplant.....any plant he likes.....if he can keep it alive and growing well for a year....tell him to get a cat or puppy....if he can care for that and the plant for a year, he's more than ready for a relationship.

Answer 5

I think it depends entirely on the induvidual situation. People who can split up in a "polite" way, with the least possible stress and pressure on the children seem to do less "damage" in the long run. Couples who get nasty, bitter and use the kids as weapons are obviously going to cause more mental damage to their offspring. Unfortunately, in my experience, Adults usually revert to childlike behaviour ("I want that, if I can't have it, then you can't have this" etc.) in that situation which is sad.

Answer 6

I can only speak as a mum who divorced. I stayed out of relationships till my kids were older and concentrated on them. My daughter now 24 has just announced she is getting married and my son has been in a stable relationship for 5 yrs. It could be you stop thinking the worse and enjoy yourself.

Answer 7

I think it does have an impact on peoples lives and that it stays mentally with a person for life. Your friend should not base his life around his parents splitting up, rather tell him he is walking life in his own path and that his parents mistake will not necessarily fall under his relationships. That he makes a relationship the way he wants it to be

Answer 8

No it doesn't. Not if you dont allow it to. You need to take the situation, work through how you really feel towards it, let your'e parents know and then let go of it & move on. Bottling the situation up, will mess you up, in the sense that you will always be afraid of hurt or rejection or fear of being put in the same situation as your'e parents.

Answer 9

My first husband was adopted and he had these issues. What I never expected was the fact that he did the same thing to our daughter. At 6 months old we separated and then divorced and he never seen her after that!

Answer 10

It does sound like he needs counselling if he is left still with those feelings of abandonment. If it is stopping him from moving on then counselling could help him deal with those issues.

Answer 11

yep, it messes you up for sure, but you can admit that you have issues and start dealing with it there is a lot of help out there, and people would give you all the support you need.