I have parted from my boyf of 5 years due to him having a drink with me or others and then carrying it on for days and not coming home. during this time he is unstoppable and will drink until he hallucinates and with people who are also big drinkers, anyone will do. I left him last week, but he is now sad that he is alone. I have told him to get help, but like other times he goes to AA once then stops. He says doing what he does is not alcoholic and he doesnt crave alcohol but he looks for excuses to drink, such as me "speaking to him like dirt" or me maybe doing things with other men (im not) This has really upset me throughout the years but I stuck with it hoping for change that never came. advice please??????
2007-02-26 23:50:18 · 11 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know exactly what your talking about! He CAN control it,but chooses not to and he`s trying to justify it to you by making it your fault. I think you did the right thing by leaving and MAYBE he`ll wake up and smell the roses among the weeds. It is not your fault, and I would move on if I were you, cuz It`s not gonna change, in fact it will only get worse over time. Best of luck to ya honey!
2007-02-27 00:16:46 · answer #1 · answered by MISTY 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not stuck with anything unless you choose to be. You need to tell him that this is his last chance. He is to go to A.A. and keep going and do not have a relationship with him until you see he is serious. In these 12 step programs they tell you not to have a relationship for at least one year. It takes a person to admit they have a problem before they can get help. And in this program that is The first thing you have to do, is go to the meetings and say, I am Jane Doe and I am an alcholic. Until he can do this and continue the 12 steps and stop drinking it will always be this way. If you contact or go to one of the meetings or more. and you ask the person leading the meeting they will tell you what to expect from someone like this. He will lie and tell you anything and look for any excuse to drink. They will help you on how to deal with him and what not to do as well as what to do. Be his friend for now , but stop the relationship.
2007-02-27 08:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing by leaving, now you need to move on. He is placing blame on you....that is a classic sign of an alcoholic.
Yes, he's an alcoholic....and remember their first step to recovery is admitting they have a problem. He's not willing to do that, so you need to stay clear of him.
5 years is WAY too long to have wasted on this guy. Cut off contact from him until he's CLEAN AND SOBER, and if/when that happens, you can be friends.
2007-02-27 08:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No alcoholism is NOT controllable. It is a disease and must be dealt with immediately. More alcohol will only make it worse and more devastating.
2007-03-03 02:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by andyt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he'll realize he needs help or end up drinking himself to death. The choice is his.
2007-02-27 08:22:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not waste another minute on this man. He will only quit when HE wants to.
2007-02-27 08:44:31 · answer #6 · answered by Li 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is an alcoholic, that is clear... alcoholism is NOT controllable... he will continue down that LONG spiral till he WANTS to get sober... please do yourself a favor and go to an Al-Anon meeting or two, it will help you understand and moveon...
2007-02-27 08:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's an alcoholic... period... and he's not alone, he has his booze to keep him company... Until he gets past his denial, he's lost...
2007-02-27 08:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by deakjone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he needs help fast but only he can do that you need to support him but don't let yourself be drawn back in ....good luck
2007-02-27 07:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by Deb K 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's only controllable if he wants to control it and only he can
2007-02-27 07:54:37 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋