We've been dating for years and now the time is here. He's in the process of buying my engagement ring, but he hasn't talked to me about converting. He has cracked jokes such as: I'm more Jewish than he is (bc I'm good w/$), and randomly he'll say "we'll have to talk to the rabbi about getting you converted."
Neither of us believe in God, but he has said that he'd like his kids to be raised in the Jewish culture (reconstructionist).
Does he just expect me to convert? Not expecting me to convert? Shouldn't he have addressed this issue before ring shopping?
2007-02-26 21:11:38 · 9 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I grew up frequenting Baptist churches.
2007-02-26 21:12:39 · update #1
Well, he's already said you have to talk to the rabbi about being converted. How much more obvious could his intentions be?
2007-02-26 21:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A major issue is how he wants your possible children to be viewed in the eyes of the Jewish community. Reconstructionists will not accept your children as Jewish, but reform will. Reconstructionists branched off from the conservative movement, and they believe only in the matrilineal Jewish descent. Some synagogues will accept children born from non-Jewish mother to be born Jewish if completely raised in Judaism and has a bar mitzvah.
The only universally accepted conversion is the orthodox convesion.
You can start this on your own. You'll have to be firm because the rabbi will send you away. They will try to convince you that converting is wrong. You will be sent away 2 times, if you come back a third time, then they will start talking.
2007-02-27 21:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by Lea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt he expects you to convert.
Is he religious? Does he go to synagogue regularly? Do his parents go frequently? Do they observe high days and holy days?
I expect the answer is 'no', because if he and his family were very religious he wouldn't be buying you an engagement ring!! So he's probably just making jokes about it because all jewish people are very conscious of being jewish whether they observe or not. It's not like being a Christian which you can just switch off, if you're born jewish you will always be jewish and that's that!!
You'll have to get used to it. He'll never stop being jewish and he'll never stop being very aware of it and if you have children, they will be half jewish and I think it's important to understand your heritage so it's a good thing for them to be raised in the jewish culture. But that's it - culture, not religion. However, that doesn't mean that your cultural background should be ignored!
Her is a very useful website for anyone involved with a jewish man or woman http://www.jewfaq.org/ and note "in general, Jews do not try to convert non-Jews to Judaism"
Meanwhile, I think you should have a proper talk about all this; it sounds like the channels of communication are a bit muddy.
2007-02-27 05:22:39 · answer #3 · answered by Skidoo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if neither of you believe in G od, maybe, it's not such a big issue for him, and he doesn't really care one way or the other. Maybe, he is waiting to hear from you, how you feel about it, etc, and go from there.
The real question is, why would he want to raise the kids Jewish, if he doesn't even believe in G od? That might be important subject matter for the both of you, before you tie the not.
Parenting is a huge thing, and you can't expect your kids being one thing while you secretly or not secretly, have a different value system. (It's just not fair to them).
Maybe you should put your cards on the table, tell him how you feel, talk to him, present the questions, and both of you can separately give it some thought, deep thought. Who you are, and or, what do you want to be, how you see yourselves together raising a family in fifteen years from now.
Finding this out is crucial, before marriage, especially if there is a big gap concerning religion, or your backrounds.
Be honest, and hopefully your boyfriend will be too.
Hope things work out for you both.
2007-02-27 05:41:56 · answer #4 · answered by 123me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, it sounds more like he is not spiritually ready to fully accept being Jewish.
On a person note, I think he is a little discriminatory, since not all Jewish people are good with money.
2007-02-27 05:16:12 · answer #5 · answered by Lief Tanner 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you start the conversion process yourself? Personally, I would never tell another person what to do, so that's why he's cracking jokes and beating around the bush.
2007-02-27 08:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by emilsignia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong teaching your kids the truth... loose the FakePlasticReligions..... at least thats what Radiohead would do.
2007-02-27 05:16:25 · answer #7 · answered by Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seriously think you need to clarify the situation with him before you committ yourself.
2007-02-27 05:14:55 · answer #8 · answered by celianne 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don,t care religion,if he marry you, go ahead
2007-02-27 05:16:33 · answer #9 · answered by keral 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋