need help for my marriage and to save it pls adv?

Question

I am 40 yrs old i am married for abt 15 yrs. The biggest mistake is i know my hubby is a womeniser but always have given him the understanding nd kept quiet abt it. I do not want to divorce him or leave him. He is close to me and kids. He brings me out for film shows shopping and spent time with the kids. But when he goes out alone or with friends he tends to have misehaved. I need to save my marriage and wnat to live with forever, moreoever he is an bankruptcy even if i file for a divorce i wont get any money cos he is too smart to say he cant afford to pay, i dont have an house to go to as we could not pay the house installments. i have to save my marriage . pls advise

Answer 1

I can't believe that you honestly want to make this marriage work but you made it work this long just keep doing what your doing...nothing. Just let him continue to go out and cheat on you and possibly bring something home to you that needs a doctors attention over and over again then maybe you'll wake up and say "Hey I think I deserve better than all the STD's I keep getting because of my husbands infidelty" and you'll walk out and live happily ever after.

Answer 2

I hate to tell you this but your "marriage" is a sham. What are you trying to save? Does it make you feel good that your husband sleeps with other women? The fact that you look the other way says a lot about you. He doesn't seem to be that great if he couldn't make the house paymetns and you are in bankruptcy. File bankruptcy and then divorce. You have the strength inside you to make it on your own. You just hve to find it. I am 38 and left my husband of 18yrs about 1 1/2yrs ago. It was scary but i am happier than i ever thought i could be. I just started dating again. I waited until i got my life together. It isn't easy but you deserve better than a cheating husband. You deserve a man who thinks you are so amazing he doesn't need to be with another woman. On the practical side think of your health. There are a lot of std's out there, not to mention aids. Do yourself a favor, learn to find your inner strength and leave him. He is a loser and doesn't respect you or your marriage. Your kids are also learning from your marriage. They will have no respect for either of you. if you have a daughter she will learn its ok if her husband sleeps around and if you have a son he will thimk it is ok to do this to women. If not for yourself do it for your kids. In the end they will thank you for it

Answer 3

First, your mom and dad are going to do what they think is best for THEM and you're not going to have any influence on the decision. You have to just step back and keep out of it. Begging them to stay together will just break their hearts and yours too. If there is a friend or relative you can move in with for a year or so, that will help you "keep your distance" so you don't have to watch this sad thing happen. Also, your parents are going to be very "wrapped up in themselves" for a while, and it's going to feel like they are ignoring you, like they don't love you anymore. They still love you, they are just very busy. They have so many changes and troubles in their own lives that they just don't have the time or energy to SHOW their caring for others. Remember that even if your mom and dad don't love each other, they both love YOU.

Answer 4

Seems like you're staying with this man just for the sake of your children. Have you thought of the fact that staying with him may hurt them more than you leaving? What example does it set for them to see you living un-happy? And as far as the money goes, you need to plan. Start putting money aside so that you have something to fall back on if you end up having to get a divorce. It is possible to make it on your own. Do the right thing for you and your kids...don't stay with someone for all the wrong reasons.

Answer 5

You are holding on to this man because you are dependent on him. Just because he brings you out for movies and shopping, you do not want to leave him too. What about those times he "misbehaved" when you are not around? Do you want a man like that? Keeping quiet is not a solution to things. You ought to talk to him and tell him to stop his womanising ways.

Honey, he knows that you will not leave him despite his bad habits because you chose not to. Tell him and threatened him that you are leaving and taking the kids with you and see what he says. Can't you go to a relative or close friend's house for a couple of days?

Have courage and take charge of your own happiness. You and your kids deserve it.

Answer 6

I am 44 yrs. old and I did the same thing as you did. I stuck mine out for 19 yrs. Although my ex did not cheat he would do things and tell me I did them, never say he was wrong, said stuff like I work 40 hours a week I don't want to work on my weekends (worked 40 also). So nothing got done around the house. He never spent time with me he would be drinking, fishing, or hunting with his friends. I only got him for dinner and sex. Although he didn't tell me what I could do or not do I went out and did my thing. It was I just never got lmy time. No, I love yous or anything nice at all to say to me. Though he said he loved me he did he loved me but, he didn't know the difference between love and in love and, als he didn't like me. I sit it out for a long time and of course you couldn't talk to him you would be crazy, bring it on yourself or just bitching. Well, I wanted to live and be happy so I had no place to go although I had a job and about $40,000.00 in debt plus car payment. I wasn't going to have himpay it all I never asked him for money I made my own or anything. I asked his step father to fix stuff and borrowed money from him. Scared as I was because of all the bills I paid and both of us barely made them. I got a divorce. Then I found another job. I worked 15-17 hour days Mon - Fri and 10 on both Sat and Sun. Three years straight filed bankrupcy. I have to say I also paid a phycologist to talk me into I had self-worth which he took from me. And that helped. I was scared to be on my own but, I did it and love it I can make it. I just now got me another job since quitting the 2nd I had in 2004 been divorced since july 2001 and 2007 I am giving myself a life change over. That is why I got another job. I am going to get me the car I want and the love of my life Ihave always wanted. It is scary but, it is better to be alone and lonely than with someone who is like that and sad.

Answer 7

God invented marriage then pray and ask for his help. Your answer could be that I have already done that. It depend on what were you praying for because if you prayed God to change your husband and your husband does not change you will think it does not work. Just ask God for direction and guidance. If God says leave him why not do that than to reason that you have nothing to gain if you divorce him? Pray and do what God tells you as an answer.

Answer 8

You have put up with it so far, seems like to me you would like out now only because the money is gone. I don't see where he is the one wanting out yet so why are you even thinking of divorcing?

Answer 9

If you are so worried that he is out with his friends and cheating on you then try asking him to bring his girlfriends home so you can join in the fun too.

Answer 10

control feeling about hus,adjust him in the late age