1. friends forever is not something you say to everyone.
it is quite impossible to keep in touch with everyone you know
saying friends forever to everyone would make you a liar
friends forever is something you say to people that you truly believe you will be friends forever with
saying these two words to a best frend is like saying three very specal words to your love i will be friends forever with my best frend
2. smile
i want you to smile
smiling makes me happy
your smile makes mine bigger
your smile is the meaning of my life
your smile tells me your happy
be happy, be in love, you are love
my love
3. i am unique and love it
being the same would be extremely boring
it is fun exploring our differences
we learn form each other
growing apart. expressing how different we are
to find somewh
2007-02-26 21:01:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Can you please tell me what you think of my poems and how i can make them better?
1. friends forever is not something you say to everyone.
it is quite impossible to keep in touch with everyone you know
saying friends forever to everyone would make you a liar
friends forever is something you say to people that you truly believe you will be friends forever with
saying these two words to a best frend is like saying three very specal words to your love i will be friends forever with my best frend
2. smile
i want you to smile
smiling makes me happy
your smile makes mine bigger
your smile is the meaning of my life
your smile tells me your happy
be happy, be in love, you are love
my love
3. i am unique and love it
being the same would be extremely boring
it is fun exploring our differences
we learn form each other
growing apart. expressing how different we are
to find somewhere we are a bit the same
2007-02-26 21:58:20 · update #1
All your poems express your heart...that is the hardest part for any poet. Sometime meter helps, sometimes different rhyme schemes...Like in #2 get a thesaurus find more words for *smile* and use them. But no matter what you do keep your heart in your poems because that is what makes them beautiful.
2007-03-06 05:09:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like your style of poems! :-) You keep it simple. I write poems myself, and yes, there are a few things I can suggest to make them maybe deeper or have a greater impact on the reader.
Firstly, try to make it rhyme. Of course, while each poet has his/her own style, writing a poem that rhymes will make it VERY effective. Example, for the first poem, if you said something like:
If you were to say you'd be best friends forever
If you were to promise you'd always be together
In thought, for now, while it does sound true
There is no way you'd ever be able to.
That was just an example. See what that does is, it leaves the reader in a moment of appreciation for the poem, for a very well designed thought, for a well designed rhyme. This adds a whole other dimension to your poems. Almost everyone can convey a thought, but only few can convey it in an artistic way. Sometimes, you may even have to sacrifice a bit of the thought to make it more artistic (to make it rhyme).
Secondly, I loved your second poem (Smile....). THAT defines the greatness of words. Simple words say so much. But looking at your poems, I can say that you keep your base a little too narrow. Meaning: you say it right "to the point". Explore! Compare his/her smile to the way the night sky is lit with stars. Say you'll do anything to see him/her smile. Do something "unusual". The greatness of poems lies in how UNIQUE and DIFFERENT they are.
Finally, try not to make it like a prose. Example, look at the last poem. I can truly understand your message, what you're trying to convey. But if I were to read it at a stretch, wouldn't it sound more like a paragraph than a poem? Use a whole different set of tools for poetry. Ask questions rather than declare answers....
"Why in the world would I want to be just the same?
When I could be unique, when I could have my own name,
When I could meet you and learn what distincts you
Isn't that what we all are born to do???"
Well my poem wasn't that great but you can see the difference from the way I write this para, and the way I write the poem. Make it a bit more complex.
You're almost there if you ask me. You have really good ideas, and you also somehow pick the right words :-) All you need to do is focus on using them in a different way. Make yours unique. Any help, you can contact me thru yahoo :-) More than happy to help poets out :-)
Good luck :-)
2007-02-26 21:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by Praveen C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Katie, #1... To many Forevers... #2... To may Smiles
#3... I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT. Keep trying and you will improve a lot. A Friend.
Clowmy
2007-02-26 21:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i like #2&3 but 1 was kind of long and it sounded like a debate
2007-03-06 10:53:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG.....That is so nice. Are you sure you didnt copy off some one? That is very good. You dont need any improvement. It is perfect. keep it up.
2007-03-06 09:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by Cyndi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they're absolutely incredible. Number 2 is so beautiful it actually made me tear up. sorry i can only answer part one of your q
2007-02-26 21:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by harmonize 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are your poems for someone cause they seam like they are but you've got talent my dear friend you should never give up because i thing your pretty good at it so never stop at doing something your good at.
2007-03-06 00:53:29 · answer #7 · answered by Ricky 007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so nice specially part 2
but it would be better if all the lines rhyme with each other!
2007-03-05 20:57:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should listen to the 2nd person who advised you wen i read your poem i thought they were really good but that guy has a point wen i read wat he said i just loved it i think he is 100% right
2007-03-06 10:22:02 · answer #9 · answered by vallan1015 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but they arent good.
2007-03-06 03:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by boxleaves 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋