I got married six months ago to a guy who I thought I loved and who loved me. Since we got married he is possessive and wants to know where I am at all times, when I'm going to be back and I feel suffocated. I can't bear it at times. The sex is non-existent cos don't actually want to be with him anymore. Is this just me or has anyone else married the wrong person? Don't want to admit this to my family either. Its like living in a nightmare and dread going home after work everyday.
2007-02-26 20:58:57 · 26 answers · asked by Emma D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You aren't alone. There was an article about this in the newspaper a few months ago. People do make mistakes. One girl found that her husband had been on internet dating 6 months after the wedding! Did you have doubts before the wedding? Perhaps he can sense this coming. I think there is only one solution honey (divorce) and although it hurts it will be better in the long run. Good luck!
2007-02-26 21:04:38 · answer #1 · answered by Charlene 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about what your family will say. You are probably feeling bad having had a wedding and everyone expects you to be happy. It sounds as if you're not at all happy in which case you should leave before you have a child or something which will make it harder. Plenty of people marry the wrong people and if you are know you have then it's better to admit it and move on. I was married to the wrong guy for 20 years! After 2 years I knew I had made a mistake and left only to come back in guilt (2 year olf daughter) and contunue to me miserable on and off for all that time. I should have called it quits at the beginning. Good luck and do what you have to do - it's your life.
2007-02-27 06:08:03 · answer #2 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes people do marry the wrong person sometimes and if you have only been married for 6 months then now is the time to say something. I think you sould tell your family. You might be surprised, they might feel the same way and are not saying anything because they think you are happy. I would tell your family everything. They will be able to help you on what to do if you don't know. If they suggest that you stay then it will be up to you to decide . If you are not happy and wish that you didn't get married and dread going home after only 6 months I don't think it will change if he doesn't. good luck.
2007-02-27 06:42:47 · answer #3 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the most unfortunate thing that can happen to anyone. I've had this experience myself so I know exactly how it feels. When a man is possessive, he does not feel secured and lacks confidence in himself. On the long run, this destroys the other person. As a christian, I went for counselling and I did not hide my feelings. I called my spouse and discussed with him. I asked him tough questions on what type of experience he's had, childhood, with another woman etc. He revealed all and I reassured him that the whole essence of the relationship is absolute TRUST and we must trust one another. I displayed so much confidence because I know that I was not doing anything that I could not tell him. Besides, what happened to him in the past should be left in the past otherwise it will destroy our "now". I told him it is me and not that person and he has to treat me as me. He realised it and made efforts to change. He did change slowly but surely. The most important thing also is communication. You must not hide your feelings. Speak out and do so with wisdom. Find when he is in the best mood, sit him down and tell him exactly what is doing and how it is affecting you. Ask questions and you'll discover the cause of the problem. If you keep quiet, he wll destroy you as possessiveness is selfishness and not love. True love and the God kind of love trusts the other person, is considerate, does not do things to hurt the other etc. May God help you.
2007-02-27 07:08:06 · answer #4 · answered by Shalom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do people think taking the easy way out is the best?? It just hurts more people. How about discussing? COMMUNICATION is SO important. Don't just be another statistic. If you work through this with your husband, it will only make you stronger and only give you something else to look back on and think, you know what, we did it. You've only been married six months for crying out loud! Get a grip!
It's very likely that he's just quite protective which is great and you're lucky. At least he cares what happens to you! He's also probably quite nervous at the new husband thing so just discuss, work on it ok?
Good luck.
2007-02-27 05:09:29 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs Stevo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you really want? Do you want no sex, do you want the trust issue brought up every time there is a problem? Did you marry the wrong guy? Is this your fault, NO! call your siblings and tell them about the #$%^ guy and say whats on your mind. But before you do this, I suggest having a heart to heart talk with your spouse and ask him if no sex is somthing he wants? I don't believe he will agree. Is this the way he wants a relationship? 90% of a relationship is communication, if you don't have that you are in trouble. If you can't talk, get out and run far far away. Learn and learn from your own mistakes, take care and be well for yourself. Take care Heather
2007-02-27 05:05:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know about 2 months ago i was all ready and geared up to leave my husband (been together 7 years married 2) i could not bear him near me and anything he said/did drove me crazy! We had chat upon chat and row upon row and then all of a sudden i stopped listening to everyone else and sat in the quiet for a good 3/4 hours on my own i realised why i had married him. Because i loved him and marriage should be for life and has to be worked at. So i worked at it and now we are stronger than we were before. Talk to him and if that fails (turns into a row) write him a letter with every feeling you have in it and then he can take it in at his pace. Its amazing what you can achieve when you put your mind to it.
2007-02-27 07:48:45 · answer #7 · answered by Girlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy, then you need to do somthing, cos it isnt going to go away. Have you tried talking with your husband? and explaining how you feel. He may not realise how much he is effecting you and if he does and still carrys on doing it then yes he is the worng person for you. As for worrying about your family and what they will think. DONT! it is your happiness that is important to them and to you, My best freind had a similar problem, she is the only girl, and family had this massive wedding planned etc... she wasnt sure about marriage and so 2 days before turned round and said, she cant do it! Her family hit the roof.... but seeing her now everyone knows it was right for her not to go through with it.
Good luck, if you are really feeling that bad, you have to do somthing, ok it may not be popular, but a hell of a lot better than it destroying you, and in the ,long run everyone will come round, and will all be fine, plus you come through a stronger person and a happier person.
2007-02-27 05:06:58 · answer #8 · answered by djp6314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
|We all make mistakes but this is early days for you yet...don't give up so easy. Have you tried explaining the situation to him? Does he go out without you? Have you given him any reason to be jealous? Just try to let him know how you feel...calmly...and ask him to relax a little. Tell him you can't live with him when he is possessive but you love him when he isnt. If nothing changes or it gets worse then a quick word with your family and a few packed suitcases should do the trick! Good luck - don't throw your relationshaip away too quickly!
2007-02-27 06:45:06 · answer #9 · answered by Jackie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard from that question to get the full picture but from just listening to what you have said you should get out of the relationship straight away.
If your family are the caring type and love you for you they should understand why, if you explain it, you have done this.
I watched my own mother go through an abusive relationship with my father and he was possessive as well, it was mentally draining and emotionally disruptive on her and she got out and she would never look back know.
Please make the decision for you not anyone else.. you are the most important person here not the family or him...!!! I do hope this helps and I will be thinking of you..!!!!
2007-02-27 05:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by ambrose02476 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋