I am adopted. I was adopted at almost 5 years of age. I am now 28 and I know my adoption has caused some of the depression and feeling of adbandonment that has plauged me recently.
2007-02-26 19:18:01 · 9 answers · asked by Too Cool For Me 4 in Social Science ➔ Other - Social Science
I grew up with the knowledge that I was adopted. I think that is different form a newborn adoption. I was partly formed so to speak psychologically. I respect what my parents both natural and adoptive have done for me. But that doesnt change the problems that I have.
2007-02-26 19:46:38 · update #1
Adoptees have identity issues - and why not - everyone else is born and has a birth story, and we arrive, 'chosen', with no past! It's not the way we have been programmed to be evolutionary wise. I was adopted at 5 days, but my adoptive parents always wanted their own baby, I was second choice. We have a feeling of being on the outside, never really knowing what being in a family of origin means. I founded an organization with others in the 70's (PACER) which still exists. It stands for Post Adoption Center for Education and Research. We ran groups for adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents - the triad. I did research at Stanford University on how adoptive parents react to their adoptive kids - no surprise, it is different than bio. Not always bad, not always good, just different. Read Lost and Found by Betty Lifton. Or go to Amazon and look under adoption. I lectured on adoption issues to Stanford psychiatrists - not something they ever thought about.
It is what is...so, develop a life from your strengths and it will make a huge difference. Take the VIA character strengths survey at reflectivehappiness.com - see what are your top 5 strengths. I've lived a great life, even with the adoptive parents from hell! Insert positive emotions, take control of your life, and those issues and depression will fade into the background.
2007-02-26 21:59:33 · answer #1 · answered by redplanet 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it helps, I still have feeling of depression and abandonment. Unfortunately, I wasn't adopted. So I don't have that excuse.
As a mother I can tell you that every baby/child is special and that your mother would never have wanted to give you away. She did so to give you a better life.
Having a baby is a very emotional experience - have a look at your own personality, which you've inherited from your parents. You feel, deeply. Therefore your mother did too.
This doesn't mean that your mother hasn't got used to living without you, and yes, there are some mothers who didn't bond with their babies. But the chances are, it was a terrible hard decision. There probably were issues like drugs/drink etc too.
You're lucky to have another chance to grow up with parents who did want you.
If it helps, my father used to call us "parasites" and he wasn't joking. That's how he regarded us. We were unwanted.
I forgot to mention - my ex-husband and his sister were both adopted. His parents then later had their own child. It affected my exhusband dreadfully but I have a deep seated belief that he blames his problems on his adoption in a refusal to take responsibility. His sister has no such problems and is a lovely person with no hangups. She was my best friend for many years.
2007-02-27 03:34:50 · answer #2 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problems that can arise is how you are feeling now,lots of people feel down inside about their adoption, even if they have been brought up in a good family.You shouldn't feel you've been abandoned( i don't know why you were put up for adoption),but happy about how much a couple must have loved you enough to want to adopt you as a small child.I can only imagine that your life would not have turned out the way it has if you had stayed with your biological parents.Your going to have to try and overcome this feeling,because it is them that lost out not you. Just a thought,i don't think you biological mother feels good about having to give you up,whatever the circumstances.
2007-02-28 15:00:08 · answer #3 · answered by Countess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my best freinds is adopted at birth. He doesn't seem to have any emotional problems over it. I've asked him about it before and he says he never really thought of it too much. I think if he dwelled on it for long enough it would bother him. The way I see it is that most kids are born on accident, and the parents didn't have much of a choice. But adoptive parents want children, and have the means to support them. Even if you were abandoned at one point in your life, you were also taken in by people who really wanted you.
2007-02-27 03:42:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jason S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The child will start worrying if they are adopted when they grow up to be different from their adopted parents. Then, when they know the truth, they will be very sad and hurt that their real parents 'dumped' them. Also, some will want to get revenge for what their real parents had done to them and they will not be happy with their adopted parents since they did not tell him or her the truth.
2007-02-27 03:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was adopted as a newborn. I don't believe my ups and downs are any different because of it. I believe it depends on how the child is raised with this knowledge.
2007-02-27 03:37:33 · answer #6 · answered by sv911 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The same problems your biological parents had will show up in you, regardless of who raised you or how. It's just a fact of life! You might want to be ahead of the game by Reading some books on the subject, both secular and non-secular? (Fascinating reading!)
2007-02-27 03:25:20 · answer #7 · answered by love_2b_curious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not feeling exsepted in the family feel like an out sider being treated as the fall guyor the black sheep,i was adopted as well.why ask others if you were adopeted, you would feel the same way . my life way a living hell.
2007-02-27 03:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by i,m here if you need to talk. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it greatly depends on your perception about the actual reality
2007-02-27 03:28:09 · answer #9 · answered by Kweng 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋