Is this a good plot?

Question

Owner of the house is a rich lady who’s past husbands all died mysteriously and always left her a big amount of cash and stuff.Sylvia is hired to housekeep for her and she finds the house this brand new modern looking house with the latest tech, alarm systems etc. She is excited and starts planning a party.Shes is calling her best friend when a book on the shelf catches her eye suddenly. For some reason she picks up that book and turns directly to page 666 and finds out that the land that the neighborhood is built on was once a medieval time village, famous for its witches, serial killers and deranged maniacs from the mental asylum. The house itself is built on the graveyard that the convicted serial killers were buried on.
And right after she closes the book, she hears this noise in the kitchen. she thinks its maries daughter who she presumed was sleeping the entire time. But when she goes to check no one is there and there are no signs of anyone ever being in that room...

ok so she gets all freaked out. the noises continue and it leads her on a wild goose chase. she calls the local police office but they just assume shes a drunk teenager crank calling them.

when she hangs up the phone, she sees the shadow of a man holding a knife in his hands going up the stairs...

she immediately thinks of the daughter and rushes up to the bedroom. she finds her sleeping but when she pulls back the covers, the finds a knife stuck in the girls throat...she screams out and a hand suddenly graps her by the neck and yanks her back...

THE END...whoa cliffhanger!

haha gasp!!
i wrote so much ><

its supposed to be a nine minute story! HOW SAD!

yea...no one would...
ok how bout she sees the shadow thru the window...? the moonlight is shining thru the curtains and then she sees the shadow..is that beter?

i forgot to mention, the housekeeper is in another country planning the party...

hmm and well,,, duh its a graveyard....but its not some ghost or watever. its a randomo freaky serial killer

yes i know its cliche but its due tomorrow!! argh!! just deal with it mr professor of english and bla bla bla ><

haha well...duh horror story graveyards ghost etc...you wouldnt find a trip to the countryside scary now would you?

yes the 666 is pretty lame but its form 4 english! and the teacher doesnt care so watever

i should start with her in the car on the way to the house listening to the news or something...

Answer 1

I think that it you need to spend some time explaining why this women is doing some of the things she is in you story. Also While I have heard of coincidences have that same pieces of land being used for dark magic ritual. a safe haven for serial killers. and finally a house built on a graveyeard who owners mysteriously end up dead well before thier time; you might want to give some explanation as to why this particular piece of land has this type of history( what happened there iniatially to start this, For instantace: was this area in your story where a great source of unkillable evil trapped to protect the rest of the world?)
Fortunatly you have already included a plot device that could answer these question either all at once or slowly over the course of you story ( hint: it is far more interesting to have these details released over the course of the story)

I agree she probably should realize that she is dealing with something supernatural before going charging after the shadow of someone holding a knife. Lets face most peoples reactions in that situation would be to call the cops, even if you are a cop you call for backup.

I think that you might want to rethink the main characters role. It doesn't make much sense for a housekeeper to be making plans for a party. There are a couple of way you could go with this one. The character could be a professonal, like an event coordinator hired by the lady of the house to put together some sort of social gathering. The other option I see her is your main character could be a family member that is visitng for some reason. If the main character is a family member especially on that has a strong relationship with daughter it would more easily explain why she would be protective of the sleeping girl upstairs.

I have a question is Marie's daughter sleeping for an unnatuaral period of time? If so why, what is causing it, is it linked to something else in the story ( the land, the house, the book, her father death? )

I also think that you might want to tell this story from a primarily first person point of view (probably Sylvia's ).

Answer 2

If you introduce all the characters at the beginning, (rich lady, the daughter, and Sylvia) then it would probably work. It will be cliche but that hasn't stopped some of the biggest names in the industry.

The nine minutes don't give you much time to flesh out all the details, but a few touches like Sylviia listening to a weather forecast (mentioning town names or "An Atlantic storm front will blow in from the west giving the area lots rain this weekend,") should help fixing the setting.

Answer 3

This is a cliche. Nothing original here (the 666 thing, home on a graveyard of the past, etc.).

So to answer your question about it being a good plot: No, it's not.

Answer 4

it's a lil cliche but i was interested. Why do you follow a knife wielding shadow up the stairs? forget the other kid. she has to be convinced of some supernatural first and then would she really chase a homicidal ghost?

Answer 5

Why is the housekeeper planning a party? And why is it surprising that freaky things happen on an old graveyard?

Answer 6

It's not bad, I guess. But don't end it that way. Open ended books are just frustrating!