so theres this friend of mine. how do i help her?

Question

heres the deal. she's constantly doing just downright stupid stuff. she's hooking up with guys that she knows she shouldnt, etc etc. she knows that she is doing bad things and yet still does it, and tells me that she knows its wrong and that she's a horrible person (which in my mind, she's just misdirected).

this is a friend i care about and dont want anything to happen to.
how do i confront her and help her out?
(i can't relate to what she's going through)

Answer 1

There are various kinds of people out there...the one that are dependent and others are co-dependent. She is being dependent...she is always doing the wrong thing, she knows and gets a lot of warning, but she falls in it anyway...maybe later she says...I was stupid, whatever but the fact is...she jumps into another mischief, this is how they are...she will not change...


Co-dependent...or the saviors...are like you, you are trying to get out of whatever she is in...she is very happy the way she is, maybe she tells you she is not, maybe she believes she is not, but she is grown and has a choice, she chooses this....you will spend all your life trying to help her and change her and feel like a hero....and it will end up exactly where it started because this is the way she is and this is the way you are...No right or wrong, that is why you can't relate to her situation...if you stick your hand in fire, it will burn, so you refrain...she will know the end results, but still will stick her hand and will burn, then she will run to you and cry, you fix her hand...talk to her for a long time, then she will go back to the same old thing....

Unless you love the hell out of her....you must leave her habits alone...but do not get involved in them, unless you know what you are up to....I know I might not make sense now, but one day..you will see what I am talking about precisely.

Answer 2

Maybe she would benefit from talking to a school counselor or guidance officer. Sometimes when we do things like that it's a cry for help. Something could have happened to her that she feels she "deserve" these bad things that's she seeking out. Either way, just being there for her helps. If the counselor or guidance officer isn't an option, sit her down at the kitchen table (it sometimes helps if you write out points you want to talk about) and start talking. Both of you should try to come up with a plan for when she is tempted to do "stupid" stuff, maybe call you or another friend, something like that. Tell her that you care and that these actions in her life could put her on a path to destruction and really mess up her future. You could also talk to your local pastor or school guidance counselor for suggestions or guidance. Sometimes there are teen centers you could go to for help and suggestions. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

This person sounds like a person that recognizes the problem and chooses not to deal with it. She has to see it for herself. She has to decide when "enough is enough". You just have to keep talking to her and trying to help her understand that she is not a horrible person but it is that she makes wrong decisions and so does the rest of the world sometimes. She has to learn from her mistakes and I think you are a good person for being by her side. You know how your relationship operates with her so you have to choose that approach that expresses your concern and the care that you have for her. Speak to her and stand firm but understand that she may be a little confused so you have to speak with great empathy with the fact that the things that hurt the worst can be the things that feel the best. I wish you much luck with this situation.

Answer 4

If she's young she might just be going through a phase. If she's at an age that she knows better, I think I would find topics or study's on the internet that relate to what she's experiencing. Sounds like this is a way of acting out with what is really wrong. There could be something deeper that your not aware of. Just let her know you are always there to listen. I am often touched when someone sends me an informative article, maybe she would be reseptive to that.

Answer 5

It's nice that you care about your friend, but she doesn't seem to want to listen to you...so maybe she isn't going to listen.

People choose their behavior...sometimes out of misguided ideas....sometimes because they are hurting, etc....but still it is destructive behavior. And they alone are responsible for the consequences that will occur.

You need to be clear and straight with your friend...but let her know you don't want to be involved when she self-destructs....which is what she is heading for....and then back off out of the scene until her behavior changes....or you might find yourself in a bad situation just because you are near-by.

People can get in a lot of trouble by having the wrong friends....so if she won't listen....then find some new ones. You can't make people behave the way they should if they don't want to.

Answer 6

tell her 100% what she looks like to you. if she is headed down the road to loosing you as a friend you really need to tell her that. my daughter went through a stage where she couldn't make the right decisions for herself but if I tried to tell her what she should be doing she got worse. So you may just have to be there for her. Don't encourage her at all though. Don't give her the opportunity to do what she shouldn't around you. Don't give her what she needs to get it done.
I learned that the hard way. It is truely best to let her learn this on her own though. But she will not realize what she is doing until she sees the big picture and right now she is seing in a tunnel vision.

Answer 7

I strongly suggest that you tell her what yu think straight up. Don't beat around the bush when you tell her and make sure there is no misunderstandings. As a friend, it is comprehensible that you want to help her out. Tell her, if she realizes she is a bad person and she knows what she's doing is wrong, how come you don't change how you act? Try ( not force) to make her see your prespective. Also, let her know that all you want is the best for her. I hope everything gets resolved!

Answer 8

not everyone is meant to solve everyones problems.

in this case, she obviously knows what she is doing is wrong, therefore, confronting her would do her no good.
and having no way to relate makes it difficult.
but that is no reason to give up.

what you can do, and what will help is keeping her accountable for what she does.
being there when she needs you, when she in her lowest of lows... just being a good influence, and good friend, that will help.

your searching for an answer. when there is no specific answer, its simply just time, healing, and change, and she cant do that alone.



trust me.

Answer 9

well i have a friend that is going threw the same thing and to tell you the truth i dont know how to tell her ether. but maby she just trying to find the one that shell be with the rest of her life. if you like her that way make it clear to her and if you go out try to keep her without loseing her.i think you just need to tell her how you feel about this.

Answer 10

Sometimes it is best to just be there when they need you. Sometimes it takes them to fall rather than listen to you. Just make sure if you really care, that you are there when she realizes she has made the wrong choice.