How do I let those I love most of all...know that I am gay?

Question

I'm gay, and I've admitted it to a couple people being 2 friends and my sister. But how can I ever possiblly tell my father or mother than I am gay when I know it will simply break my mother's heart and my father has such a biased opinion toward's gay people that it seem's it would be impossible for him to ever understand. My father believe's that all gay people fall under the same steriotype of having a lisp and crossdressing and saying they have a woman stuck inside of them. I don't believe this...I'm gay and I act just like every other guy! I mean I'm a guy and I am exactally the same as a straight guy except I like other guys...that doesn't mean I have to act like a girl now :P But my father already made it clear that the worst possible thing a son could ever do to their father is to turn gay. How can I ever come out to my parents...it's very important that I do eventually because I can't remain single or hidden forever :(

Answer 1

spring it on them and run away

i am serious springing it on them and running will work trust me

listen this is my opinion i have used it very often and it works i am not trying to be mean telling them and running away gives them time to think it may sound harsh but its best too wait till they can clear their heads and think strait

Answer 2

First of all, let me just say that you seem adorable, and I see no reason why your parents wouldn't love you for who you are.

I'm a gay guy and 25 yrs old, my mom found out when I was 17. Luckily, my parents have been very supportive, as they should be.

Just because you've heard your dad say negative things about gay people doesn't mean you shouldn't come out. I think coming out is important, especially to the people who matter in your life.

The fact is that they probably already know, or have some idea. If you haven't been dating the opposite sex in a while or ever than its pretty much obvious, so I would let them know.

Just remember, everything takes time.. the sooner they know about you, the sooner they will come to terms with it themselves. At first it might be hard, but belive me it does get easier. Just think about it...if you came out today, a year or two from now the fact that you are gay will be such old news, they will just be used to it.

If you still live at home and you think it might make things too uncomfortable, than maybe wait until you live on your own.

Good luck.. You seem like a nice sweet guy so who cares what people think, just be yourself, and if people don't like you for that than they are just ignorant a**holes anyway, and their narrow minded opinions are of no relevance.

Answer 3

OOOOOOOOOH! Freaky. I'm in the same situation, so I TOTALLY know how you feel. Well, then again, I'm KIND of obvious (stereotypically, no lisp I'm just a LITTLE gay...) so they may have got the hint... ANYway...

Honey, I used to think like you. "I'LL NEVER TELL THEM!". I'm sorry to tell you, but it is inevitable that at some point you will have to tell them. It's REALLY SCARY, I know, but you will have to tell that at some point.

Probably tell more of your friends and get them on your side. You will seriously need their support in the future!

It sounds cliched, but it is probably just to wait until you feel the time is right (maybe drop hints a bit before) and then sit down with them with the whole "I have something to tell you".

Bec (long story) said it is best to have a mediator so then there will be accountability, otherwise your parents can say whatever they want and you can say whatever you want, even though, chances are, you don't actually mean it and will regret it later.

I am so freaked out that it will break my mother's heart too, but it will be worse if she finds out some other way than if you just tell it to her straight (?? word choice??). I'm sure you're dad will get over it.

And if he doesn't, I'll always have a spare room at my house!

I'd just have to figure out how to explain THAT to my parents....

Answer 4

So,...what is their need to know? What positive purpose if any, would it serve? Who says you have to tell the whole world you're gay? Where is this written? Is there some secret gay organization that makes you swear this?
Just live your own life the best way you know how to be. Be the best son, brother, friend and human being you know how to be. No one could do more! However if you feel you "must" tell the world,..... let the chips fall where they may! Damn the torpedos....full speed ahead!
Those in your family that already love you, will continue to love you..... regardless whether "you" tell them...or not. The people and friends that stay,...you will now know as "real" friends. The rest, that don't stay were'nt really your friends to begin with,...so they don't really matter....do they?
GOOD LUCK...and GOOD LIFE to YA'

Answer 5

Let me introduce myself. I used to be in the same situation myself. I am also gay and currently live with my boyfriend. This is a very important thing but also very touchy. Ok the first thing you should do is make sure that if the worse happens you have somewhere to stay and be taken care of. I would talk to my friends about this. Once you have that setteled you are ready to come out to you parents. In my oppinion the worst thing to do is flat out tell them I'm gay. This can upset them more then you'd expect. I recomend that you bring up the subject of homosexuality first and once you talk to them a bit tell them. I cant garentee that everything will run smoothly but most parents dont flip out and shun their children. Your parents will still love you. Just remember to have a plan if everything goes bad. Coming out is a hard thing but you can do it.

Answer 6

Well, which parent do you feel most comfortable with. for instance, if you tell your mother she may tell your father or vice versa. It may be safest to tell them both together that way they can each counter act the other's emotions. It will be painful for them to hear and with you dad having the view points that he does, I wouldn't expect him to just accept it with open arms. The best thing you can do though is be honest. When you do tell them, do not say "I think i may be..." because that leaves them with the thought that it is a phase. Be firm and say it as calmly as possible. There are no guarentees that it will go as bad as you think or as good as others believe... but I think it is better for you (and ultimately them) for you to be honest about who you are.
You are in a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck. If you should need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I'd certainly like to know how it all goes... and I really hope it turns out good for everyone involved.

Answer 7

I'm in a similar situation accept i think my dad would be the one who would be okay with it. My mom however is a problem always being quick to point out a gay person or degrade them in some way. Shes also always telling me I better give her grandchildren or basically shell never talk to me again. I feel for you, you don't want to be alone forever and you don't want to waste the best years of your life being miserable. I think somethings just got to give sooner or later i find myself dropping not so subtle hints every once in a while. I think just one day its just gonna slip and that's how ill tell them.

Answer 8

Your father may already suspect and perhaps he knows and therefore has expressed his view to keep you from coming out to him. Your mothers heart will not be broken when you tell her that you are gay. She might be disappointed but a mothers unconditional love means just that it's unconditional and if your parents cannot accept you for who you are and not for who they THINK you are then you might need to consider breaking ties until they come around and handle should they not. If you really want to live your life freely then you need to step out and do so or you will have your parents dictating what you can and cannot do for the rest of their life. The choice is yours isn't it? HOW DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? FOR THEM OR FOR YOURSELF?

Answer 9

well if they are truely your parents, they will love you no matter what...I mean at first they wouldn't like it at all but they would come to accept it in time. I've already told my parents about me being bi and at first they didn't accept it...in a way they still don't but they have, in a way, come to terms that I like guys as much as girls.

I mean they're not going to stop loving you only because you're gay. I'm not sure that the way I told my parents would work on yours but whichever way you tell them, I wish you luck. :)

Answer 10

well.. i just admitted to my parents in Nov of last year... 1. talk to your mom..and just know that she love u.. your mom will never heat u for who u are... just come out with it.. After u told ur mom and she now knows who u are... then 2. tell your father.. this part was hard for me.. it took 2week to tell my dad. but again both your parents love u.. And ask your sister to help u. she knows.. but just start out talk to ur mom with ur sister if ur scared.

Answer 11

It was tormenting me and I thought ..

live my life closed up ? die inside everytime i'm around my parents and family?

or BE FREE ?


I chose be free . so I sat them down , after 2 days they said they didn't care. As long as I was happy.

It is better to be free , i'm living it after the exact fear you had ! i thought the faster I do it the faster it'll settle down.

I'm so glad i did it. now my girlfriend and I enjoy our life better. no more fear.

good luck!