I dont want to go back,but he says he loves me and not his wife?

Question

I have been dating this guy for a year and recently found out he is married i immediatly broke it off with him that was about a month ago. Well he just called and wants to be with me he says he will leave his wife eventually but he needs time to let her down easily so she wont be too hurt. I know he loves me and i really love him this past month without him has been horrible and so when he called i was so happy but i dont want to play the fool anymore. I have two children and they really care for him and have missed him also so that makes my decision even harder. He has been a great friend to me and I know he truly loves me and maybe is in a marriage that isnt going to work so i want to give him a chance to do the right thing. Another problem i face is that i found out his wife is my biology professor at the college i attend so i have to look at her almost everyday sometimes i feel so guilty knowing i am having an affair with her husband. Should i wait for him to divorce or leave now

Answer 1

I'm so sorry this happened too you, it sucks to be lied to. However now you have to do the right thing. Think about it, he had the entire year he was dating you to "let her down easily". He didn't because he is not going to leave her, he'd much rather have you both.

He's obviously not man enough to carry out or stick to his commitments and that is not someone that you and your children need in your life. If he could do this to his wife then he will certainly have no problem doing it to you.

You seem like a sweet and good hearted person, don't communicate with him anymore. He's selfish and thats not fair to anyone involved. Just consider how badly his wife will hurt and then think of the karma. You would never want someone to do that to you.

If you must have him then please wait until after the divorce. If he loves you then he'll wait that long to see you and understand that you want to do the good moral thing.

Answer 2

You have been duped by a married con artist. If a man loves you he does not go home and sleep or even stay with a wife. A man who just wants sexual gratification will though. And just to open your eyes a little more, if he is willing to play this game on his wife and says he really wants to be with you, what happens down the road if you two do get married? Do you get to the same age as his wife and all of a sudden some pretty young thing catches his eye enough that they fall madly in love? What makes you think that you have some magical power that can turn an adulterer into a saintly honest husband? You are infatuated with a mature man that doesn't have the decent enough caliber to avoid hurting his wife further by waiting until he is divorced before playing around. If you chose this man, you chose a man with no honor or respect for women(you included). For the sake of your kids, don't let this man into your life to be a role model for them. Otherwise, when they get old enough, you can explain to them that you met him, fell in love with him, and slept with him while he was married to another woman. Would that be a proud story to admit to your children????? Would you want your daughter setting that same example for your grandchildren?

Answer 3

u can't build a relationship on someone Else's misery, do the right thing here, u are only hearing his side of it, leave him now, have some self respect for yourself. would u want to have this done to u if u were his wife? and could be one day. how do u know the same won't happen to u down the road. when choosing someone u really have to look at th way they have treated others in the past. i married a man who had 3 other wives before me, not too smart. when the marriage ended there was a pattern of behavior there, all four of us got treated the same way by him. how he treats others is a predictor of how he will treat u. don't let your emotions rule over right and wrong. do u believe in karma? what u make happen to his wife will come back and happen to u.

Answer 4

First of all, he LIED to you and didn't tell you he was married...if he lied to you about that (and that is BIG) what else will or has he lied about? Second of all, he if really was going to LEAVE his wife because he was that unhappy or so in love with someone else he probably would have already done so. He has put you in an incredibly sticky situation and you say you were dating for over a year so he probably KNEW his wife was your professor...boy this guy is a piece of work! Be glad you got out now...sad for your kids though, this type of thing is traumatic for kids. Good luck...but don't settle, you deserve better!

Answer 5

If he did it to his first wife, he will eventually do it to you. You did the right thing by breaking it off when you learned he was married. Now don't go and undo that by trusting this untrustworthy man. This is clearly an older man and you are easily impressed. Run and build a relationship with a man much closer to your age where you have things in common and he does not have the ability to manipulate you due to your young age and lack of experience. Get out now. And drop the class, that is so unfair to her. Your month has been horrible because you did not get back into life with your peers. You are so incredibly vulnerable. Please take my advice.

Answer 6

LEAVE NOW! NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN! DO IT NOW!!!
Only because you expect a future from this man.
The man will NEVER leave his wife if he hasn't told you he's married for a year. NOW HEAR THIS...HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!!! You're just playing his game!
Think about it, would you want to be with someone that has a history of cheating if things get bad...or boring? First sign of boredom and off he goes to the next fool!
Get yourself out of there now. There is so much more life has to offer you...and it's way too short to waste on a user like him.

Answer 7

Ummm ...a whole year and you never wondered ?

Could he share where he lived with you? Did he take you out to public places? A lot of married guys do try this but the red flags are there.

You dont want to go back so dont. I dont want you to go back either and most people probably dont.

He wasnt honest. He wasnt upfront. He may not want to be with his wife but he is still with her. He can leave her anytime. He is giving you lines so you still sleep with him.

The right thing is to leave him alone.
His right thing is to leave his wife, to tell her the truth.

Leave now.

P

Answer 8

Run for your life, Its so Sad that there are men out there like him.
Do not let your children go through such behavuiour, teach them to stand for truth and intergrity, they will understand and stand by you and will be proud of you. Right now let them be your source of stength rather than a weakness.
You can make it without him . some one will come along with no strings attached.
Wish u all the best.

Answer 9

Be friends with him for now..But nothing more than that.Nothing is worth your dignity and pride hun.U have to be stronger,control your emotions.By any means,u must not the reason for someone's maggiage leading to disaster.If they get divorced and then he approaches u,u can go for it..give it a try.But by any means,he should've told u that he was married when u guys were dating each other.Can u trust him again?Ask your heart..think...talk it out with him...but don't let anyone fool u.U deserve the best and u know it.good luck:)

Answer 10

how did u find out about his wife? did he tell u? if he didnt then u have to wonder was he ever going to mention it or was he planning on stringing u along untill he figures things out with the prof..i think its good u found out what u did now so u know what kind of person he really is...adultery, lying, having relations with one of his wife's student who is a mother.... think about it is this the man for u?