Read this and tell me what you think...?

Question

A tall, thin boy walked swiftly down the dark alley of 32nd Street. He knew it was dangerous and he kicked himself for having stayed out so late. He was still two blocks from his apartment building. Suddenly he remembered that he had promised to call his friend, Alistair. He quickly pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and secretly felt relieved at having an excuse to call someone as he walked home. The phone rang twice before Alistair answered.
“Hello, Asher, is that you?” said a sleepy voice.
“Yeah, sorry, I forgot to call earlier,” replied Asher, trying to be as quiet as possible without whispering, “We're meeting at Otto's place at four o'clock tomorrow. I'm meeting Riley for coffee at Tito's before that though, if you want to join us.”
“Nah, I can't. Besides, it's awkward being with just the two of you; you kind of focus on each other,” laughed Alistair, “And don't even try to deny it. Anyway, four o'clock. I'll be there. Do Sophie and Lexi know?”
“Um, I think so, I'll call and make sure though,” Asher answered just as his phone flashed INCOMING CALL, “Hey, someone else is calling, so I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Alright, see ya,” Alistair said and hung up the phone.
Asher's phone flashed RILEY and he quickly answered, once again relieved to talk to someone, especially Riley, though he was now only a half block away.
“Hey,” he said into the phone. He could see his breath in the cold air.
“Hey,” Riley said, “We're still meeting at Tito's tomorrow right?”
“Yeah, I mean if you still want to,” replied Asher, hoping she hadn't found something else to do. He didn't think she would have though, because they had always met at Tito's before going to Otto's place.
“Oh, yeah, I was just making sure,” Riley said quickly, “Did you tell Alistair what time we were going to Otto's? You hadn't told me yet, when he called, and I couldn't tell him.”
“Yeah, I just got off the phone with him,” Asher answered, taking out the key to his apartment door, “Would you mind letting Sophie and Lexi know? I'm just getting home and I think my mom's already back from the hospital.”
“Sure, that's no problem. I actually have to talk to Sophie anyway. Well, I better call them before it's too late. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?” she said in a sugary tone.
“Alright, I'll see you then, bye,” Asher said hanging up the phone. He walked into his apartment and was happy to see his mom asleep on the couch. She was a nurse in the emergency room and needed all the sleep she could get. Plus, he didn't really feel like talking to her at the moment. He went into his room and closed the door quietly.
The apartment was small, but big enough for his mother and himself. He threw his bag down and fell onto his bed. He thought about the meeting tomorrow and about meeting Riley before that. There hadn't been a meeting for a while and he and Riley hadn't spent a lot of time together. He wouldn't admit he liked her, even to himself. They had dated in middle school, but the relationship had quickly ended when Riley's parents didn't approve. He had thought he had gotten over her and they were just good friends, but, according to his friends, that was not the case. Still wondering about the whole thing, he slowly drifted off to sleep.

This is the first page and a half of a book I am writing. All feedback is welcomed and encouraged. Thanks!

Answer 1

Oh, you're good! Real good. Keep on writing. You're on your way to the top. Sure will be looking forward to buying one of your books. Don't stop writing. You're on your way to making millions, girl.

Answer 2

it incredibly is extra trouble-free to have faith: This individual is incredibly psychic and all of technology is incorrect or that your mom gave this individual some suggestion till now? She would have been informed via your mom which you have been coming and he or she would have completed a splash examine. She would be very good a chilly examining. you would be surprised at how lots suggestion you gave her via your expressions whilst she mentioned particular issues. As a exciting trick I memorized a itemizing of ten issues that fortune tellers and palm readers say whilst they do a examining. each and every time I incredibly have completed a ‘examining’ I incredibly are starting to be a minimum of four hits. whilst asked approximately how nicely I did basically approximately everybody tells me I have been given a million/2 or extra applicable. How would desire to this be? those ten issues are authentic for just about everybody and just about everybody has no clue that what's authentic approximately them is authentic for roughly ninety 9.40 4% of everybody else! Google “chilly examining” and be surprised at how ordinary it fairly is to persuade human beings, even no longer ordinary middle skeptical human beings such as you that the impossible is incredibly being completed! yet, as you already understand, technology could be relied upon and persons who tell the destiny are actually not possibly doing so and maximum of them comprehend it!

Answer 3

I like the way you delved into the story and had the readers asking questions [Who are these people, what are the meetings about, etc]. However, you need to make it flow a little easier. It's a little choppy. Keep it up, though. Just remember to edit, edit, edit. =]

Answer 4

I'm hooked! What happens next? I'd love to read the rest! I'd just work on the flow a bit more, it gets a little choppy in some areas!

Answer 5

Oh, sure, leave me hanging! Hurry up and finish it. I want to know what happens to all these people and what these meetings are all about. lol
Really, it's a good start. Keep working on it.

Answer 6

Not bad, is there a reason for the, er, interesting choice in names?

Like, where it's set, and such.

Answer 7

whoa its a GOOD!!!!!!!!!! =D