i think i want a divorse but i'm not sure!?

Question

my husband and i have been together almost 7 years and married 2. we go together at 16 and married at 21. i kinda feel like we have outgrown each other and we have no common intrests. we argue all the time and have called it quits so many times already just this month. i am a ver independent yet family oriented person. a few months ago he asked for a cut in his hours for no real reason and now i have been supprting us on what i make. it is nowhere near enough and now we are so far in debt we have to move back to my parent but honestly i don't think i want him moving back in with me. he doesn't see our money problems as his doings. he says he doesn't like to work because i stoppd showng him love but i am so angry at the whole situation i don't feel any love toward him anymore. why would he do this to us. i am not money hungry its just that now we can't keep a roof over our heads. on top of it i think he has a pill problem that he blames on crohns disease. he also spends our money on pot

Answer 1

You have outgrown this person. The difference between a 16 year old and a 23 year old is huge. I married at 19 and divorced at 24 because I outgrew my husband. You're a young person--do what makes you happy. And since you don't have any children with him, it's even easier to move on.

Answer 2

Sorry sweetheart, you made a wrong choice in a life partner. He has already exhibited signs that he married you for what he could get, not what he could give you. It's called marrying a user. The relationship looks as though it was more lust in his eyes than love. A man who loves you doesn't take advantage of you and that is what he is doing. He was not mature enough to take on a lifetime commitment and you are not capable nor responsible to make him grow up to do so. That was his parents problem and they may have not had the patience to do so either. Move back with Mom and Dad to get on your feet and be very careful before you chose another love of your life. There is no doubt that you have matured quite a bit since you were 16, but you are still young enough to be misguided by the ways of all the pretty boys out there. Remember that their behavior can be recognized relatively easy. Watch for suttle white lies and bigshot behavior. That usually is an indicator that they just immature little boys wanting someone to believe they are men. Cheer up! At least you found out now instead of when you are 35 with three or four kids to finish raising. The older you get the harder it is and even though you may feel like an old woman at 21, you are still very very young. There are many girls that don't even get married the first time until they are 25 or more. You might find this a blessing because those inexperienced girls may be picking up the deadbeats that you have learned to avoid. They always say there's nothing better than learning by experience. Good Luck.

Answer 3

If he has a problem with drugs then that is definitely grounds for a divorce. When drugs become more important than providing for your family then there are some serious issues. What you need to do is be completely honest with yourself and ask do you really love this man and could you spend the rest of your life with him the way he is now. Guys don't change they grow and mature, it almost seems as time has gone he has reversed this process and still is acting as a teenager.

Good luck,

Just give it some hard thought and once you make a decision stick with it!

Answer 4

Chalk it up to being to young for a serious and lasting relationship. Aside from the fact that he has a very serious disease the use of illegal drugs is a sign that he is a loser that you should cut loose. Most people who have drugs on the brain rarely if ever see anything as their fault and will not change unless they really want to. It sounds to me like you have somewhat of a level head on your shoulders so listen to what your heart and your family tells you to do. You are young enough that finding someone else shouldn't be a problem, but just make sure that the next guy isn't a drug addict or loser. Good Luck

Answer 5

Send him back to his MAMA....OVERNIGHT SPECIAL DELIVERY. lol...You were young when you got married. You should seperate and see where that goes. But be prepared to seperate, don't do it if your not sure. Don't tell him to go and then go feeling bad for him and chase him. Make sure you want to send him packing.

You two don't have a child yet. Leave now while you still can. Imagine what your life will be like then. What does you not showing him love have anything to do with him not working. You got yourself a scrub. It would be one thing for him to be supporting his own habits, but its you supporting his.

If I were you, I would leave and don't look back. You have a life to live. Aren't you tired of your family looking at you like "What is she doing with him? She got married to move back here. What the f***?" Think about yourself.

Answer 6

My first reaction is HOLY CRAP! It sounds like you ARE sure you want a divorce, but maybe you are scared? You have been with him your whole adult life and I bet you are afraid of what it would be like without him. Once you get over the initial shock, you will realize the freedom far outweighs the fact that he is bringing you down. You need to get on with your life, and if you are not in love with this man, you need to do it quick before he really gets worse, cause he will.

Answer 7

Dear Kat r
You need to follow your instincts. If you have no common interests now, it is unlikely that you will. I know from experience. being able to grow together is the sunshine of marriage, when you have kids, you will want to bathe them in that sun. Being on your feet is steady soil and you need to root yourself. But be like a willow, able to bend and bow to change. You are blessed to see the problems in your relationship, and they don't appear to be all of your doing. If aperson claims they are unable to do something b/c "you don't love me" it is really theirself they do not love. You can not save anyone from themselves.
Stay at home and heal. You must have good parents and now show them how well you have learned. Mistakes must be made for anyone to grow. Do not feel angry, but rather kindness that your spouse may grow as well. Perhaps he will be the man you thought he could be, but don't eliminate the chance of finding the right one for you.

Be the willow tree, graceful and strong that knows how to bend and bow to the forces that be

good luck and God bless.

Answer 8

If he was like this when you dated then that's your own fault for thinking that he'll change after you two get married. You should have waited until he was clean. Why is divorce even an option? Just don't feel like making an effort to have a better marriage?

Answer 9

You made a vow to God to love him for better or worse...well this is worse. If you only ever keep one promise in your life, it should be your marriage Vows to God. If you divorce him now, you have no honor and will never have any for the rest of your days. The only friends in life you will have will be other divorced people without honor and people that want something from you. Is that the kind of person you want to be? You want to be thrown into the pool with all those other liars without honor?

Answer 10

try telling him the truth. that you don't want him moving into your parents house with you. take some time apart from each other and make an informed decision. often what we want at sixteen is no where near what we want at 23. it is your life and you need to do what is best for you. Remember there are no do overs in life. good luck