i was sexually assulted/almost raped about 4 years ago and its still bothers me alot how do i cope with it??

Question

i was almost raped by a family friend. till this day i dont like people touching me. it hurts me alot because i have never told no one about it. my perants always wonder why i dont like that man no more. my father he be getting on my nerves because he likes to touch my head and stuff. (its annoying). i just need to know how to cope with this situation 5 years later?? sometimes i blame myself for putting myself in that type of position. i saw it comming i was just too young to realize it. now im suffering what should i do??

Answer 1

While this isn't a philosophical question, it still deserves a respectful answer. The best idea I can think of is to find a support group of people who have gone through similar experiences. Even my small town has such groups. Many meet at one or more local churches. You might feel afraid to begin such a process, but those involved have gone through what you experienced and can lend support. They should be able to help you cope with the trauma and long term after effects. The first thing to do is stop blaming yourself.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm sorry this ever happened to you. Second, You're not alone. I understand what you're going through. I had a similar experience a year ago, except he succeeded. (It can happen to a guy too) It's hard, and I know there a lot of questions still in your mind.

Whatever you tell yourself, this was not your fault. You can't blame yourself for not recognizing something that had never happened to you before. Sometimes I wondered why I couldn't have fought, why I couldn't even say no. I was in shock, and so were you.

As for coping with it... this is tough. But I know it's possible, because I've made it through. Tell your parents. Tell your father that it makes you feel uncomfortable when he touches you because of that time. Don't keep it a secret to yourself alone, it'll only get worse that way. I'm not asking you to tell the world, but I strongly advise that you tell someone you can trust. Get help, see a counselor, a preacher, and have your parents behind you.

Again, you aren't alone in this. This has happened to SO many of us, it's much more common than you think, though it doesn't make what he did to you right.

Answer 3

I really believe that safety and healing comes from confession -not to confess that you did something wrong - seeing something coming and making something happen are not the same thing. But that something happened, darknesss doesn't like the light when you turn a lamp on it lights up the room -if you can't handle having your dad even touch your head and there has been no history of abuse WITH your father then just tell him about the assualt and let him know that you don't know why but it bothers you to have him touch your head.

speaking from experience, it can never stop to bother you until you speak about it and everytime you keep silent when on the inside you are hurting you are allowing this man, even though it was 4 years ago to control your life and assualt you over and over again.

The Truth will set you free. Speak up for yourself, speak the truth.

Answer 4

All you can really do is forgive this family friend. The easiest way to do this is just as you are falling asleep at night, picture the person and think, "I forgive (person's name) because they didn't know any better. Sometimes I've done stupid things, too, and we all have a lot to learn. I forgive (whoever it is) and send blessings of forgiveness their way. Do this every night, with anyone who has ever hurt you in any way. Other people, other situations will pop into your head, forgive them all and send blessings and one day, many nights from now, you'll realize you've forgiven everyone and sent blessings to them, and then you can get on with your life.

Answer 5

I suffered the same abuse that you went through- it started when I was 5 and finally CPS took me to live with foster parents when I was 12. During those 7 years I was molested, raped, and emotionally and physically abused by the father and two sons that had adopted me.
It took me a long time to regain the person inside myself. I remember taking hot showers and scrubbing several times a day and I wouldn't let anyone touch me either- not to hug or even shake my hand. It became my OCD and my life. I blamed myself for years and those memories kept flashing back to me in my head. I was on anti depressants and sleep medication just to help me cope with every day life.
When I turned 14 I was adopted by a wonderful family who let me take my time to heal. My new mom trains, breeds, and competes on horses and introduced me to horseback riding. She went through the same thing when she was younger too.

I remember this one day I woke up and went to ride in the snow- I was on top of this hill looking at my new families ranch and something just let go. I felt this weight lift off my shoulders and I finally forgave myself.

The best thing you can do is what I did- forgive yourself. I forgave myself for letting what they did to me make who I was. Once you let go and forgive yourself that person who hurt you no longer has control over you. Don't let your assult define who you are- or you will lose many years of your life just like I did. The people who did what they did to me took away my childhood and my innocense- but I will not let them take away the rest of my life.

If you become depressed like I did the best thing you can do is talk to your mom- tell her what happened. She won't judge you and will take you somewhere to get you the help you need. Hopefully you are lucky and have a mom who loves you no matter what- it took me a while to find my "mom" and it was worth the wait. Your mom will want to know what happened to you. and will tell you every day that it's not your fault.

Answer 6

Talk to someone. If you don't feel that you can tell your parents, how about a school teacher or counselor? Or stop in at a church and speak with the pastor who can help you find the correct person to help you through this. You can also try places like planned parenthood who have counselors and can find you help in the appropriate places.
You need to get this outside of you in order to deal with it. Please reach out for help now.

Answer 7

First you need to tell your parents why you don't like that man no more. When they find out, they won't like him either.
Too bad you didn't tell them way back then, but really you didn't know what to do. He should of been arrested. He's probably done the same to others. He counts on you being to confused to say anything.

Answer 8

Partly this depends on how old you are, but I am guessing you are quite young.

First of all I get the sense that you do trust your parents, which is a definite plus.

It will be very hard to do, but you have to tell them what happened.

If I am wrong about this, please go to a trusted teacher or your school's guidance counsellor.

What happened to you was a crime, and having it punished may do much to help you regain confidence in yourself.