My poem - could you give, HELPFUL suggestions HONEST opinions?

Question

Weeds cry

Dry, dry, brown, crackly, dead stalks, dry.
Yet dear weed, you lift your green head to the sky
Thunder rolls it beats the sky
Clouds getting darker they roll by.
Cats and kittens and many a child
Will hide as thunder gets so wild
Soon the rain, the skies will cry
All gone the brown, the dry, dry.

Oh weed, other plants will now bloom
Your time alone, the only green, will be gone soon
People pour out to feel the rain.
Farmers, gardeners will feel less pain
Colours of every kind will abound
Beauty once more will be all around
Yet will any-one remember the weed
Yes, I’ll look forward to your new seed

I'm Australian and it's the end of a hot summer.

Answer 1

Brown and crackled, dead stalks, dry
once held heads up towards the sky
Seeds have scattered, one life done
with the rain, a new's begun

Life begets death begets life begets death
begins again with every breath
Colours new and water sweet
clear the pavement, pound the street

Viewers gasp with oft delight
beauty, new,
returned to sight.



Sorry, you wanted advice. Don't end 2 lines in a row with "sky."

Answer 2

The imagery is a nice touch. I'd watch your punctuation. Any punctuation in a poem will cause the reader to pause. I would add a few more commas as you have many lines without end stops (punctuation at the end of a line) causing the reader to force through the lines much like a run on sentence.

I would try reading the poem aloud and anywhere you find yourself pausing, add some sort of punctuation. Oh and I would edit the dry, sky, sky, by lines so you don't rhyme the same four words consecutively.

Answer 3

many of your rhyming couplets sound forced and the rhythm is nonexistant, but some of your imagery is very nice.