What do you say to a friend who was raped?

Question

Some time ago, my friend started crying uncontrollably for no good reason. After a while, she confided that she was raped when she was a little girl and she remembered. I didnt know what to say, and I didnt know what to do. I later read that 1/4 college girls have been raped. Is this true?

Answer 1

did you rape her?

Answer 2

I don't know about the statistics on college girl rapes, but here's a few things you can say to your friend.
I am so sorry that this happened to you.
It wasn't your fault.
Have you talked to anyone else about this trauma?

Whatever you do, don't ask her why she did what she did to get herself in a place where she might be raped. Don't ask her why she didn't fight back as hard as she could if she didn't.
The main thing that you must stress when giving her support is that she did everything she knew at the time to be absolutely necessary to SURVIVE.
So be supportive, & tell her there was nothing else that she could do & she survived.

Here's another statistic for you. Most little girls who are molested, know the attacker. If she wants closure on this matter she may want to report the attack.
Bursting into fits of uncontrollable tears is a good sign that she needs to work on closure for herself.
All the best. :-)

Answer 3

The best advice I can give is for you to show compassion and tell her you're there for her. Just listen to her, that's all you can do and probably all she wants. Yes, it is true that a lot of girls have been raped or molested. There is no way to know the percentage of that though because so many girls never say anything at all. The ratio of 1/4 may very well be higher.

Answer 4

I believe that the figure is true if only bc so many go unreported.

This rape may have been troubling her consciously or subconsciously for a long time or it could have just come up to the surface.

All you can do is support her and continue to be her friend. Do not act/be/react shocked to anything that she tells you.

HOWEVER--Do know your limits. She may need to go see a trained counselor if she's not handling this experience well and you feel overwhelmed.

Don't hesitate to assure her that you'll still be her friend; you're just not trained or experienced to help her beyond a certain point and she may need more help than you can give at that point. And that needs to be okay--for you AND for her.

Answer 5

what do you say to that? nothing....at first. Just listen and comfort her. She has a heavy load to unburden. she has supressed this a long time and strong emotions that are hidden have to come out sooner or later. She may ror may not require some kind of counseling.In this area there is not a clear cut answer. Unless of course she brings the subject up. Its possible that you may want to speak to a member of her family about this. then again you may feel its not your place. I sympathize with both of you. Her-for having gone thru that experience and I sympathize with you because a burden now rests on your shoulders.Its real important to listen to her with your heart as well as your ears. when she calms down, give it a couple of days then speak to her about counseling and be supportive and be the true friend you've always wanted to be. best of luck to both of you. wish I could have been more helpful.

Answer 6

I would let her know that you are pleased that she felt she could trust you with this information and you will never violate that trust by repeating what you were told. Make her feel safe. If she wants counseling, offer to go with her even if it's just to sit outside while she talks to someone. Maybe even have her write down her feelings toward the offender so those feelings are validated. She can send the letter to the man or not. Sometimes putting words into print can be cathartic. Let her know you will listen whenever she needs you. She obviously trusts you.

Answer 7

Tell her that you'll always be there for her and you'll be a good listener if she ever needs to talk. There may be nothing more you can do. Just be a good friend. You could suggest therapy, it really works. She may need help from a professional especially if she's been crying uncontrollably. Therapists can help her in ways that you can't.

Answer 8

Make sure that you tell her she is not to blame. Let her talk about how she feels. Let her bring up the subject and the keep reassuring her that she did not deserve or cause this act of violence against her. Sometimes it takes years to get over a rape situation, so please be patient. it would be nice if she could find some free therapy or support group.

Good luck to you ahd her.

Answer 9

Rape is a very delicate subject to deal with. I don't know the answers, but I found a good website that had a lot of things you can do to support your friend. She's really lucky to have a friend like you.

http://www.rapecrisisonline.com/Helping.htm

This website has statistics on your question about college rape

http://abacus.bates.edu/admin/offices/scs/salt7.html

As for the college statistic, I don't know, but I'll check up on it.

Answer 10

the only thing you can do for your friend is be there when she needs to talk and dont force her to talk she will talk when she is ready i was raped when i was 5 and dident tell parents untill i was 13 so i know to this day i can smell cologne that the person had on and ill have flash backs and my husband of 17 years still can not walk up behind me and put his arms around me its something she will never forget and just let her know she needs to get counceling for it . and that she can always come and talk when shes ready

Answer 11

I don't know that that many have been raped but it wouldn't surprise me at all. I would say at least 50% of girls (any age, not just college girls) have been sexually assaulted/offended, whatever you call it, and probably by someone they have known for a while. Sad, huh........