Husband in contact with first love?

Question

I found out that my husband has been calling is first love. He lied about it when i confronted him. Then he came clean & said that only she understands him & he was depressed @ the time & he couldn't talk to me. What do u think about this?

I cant explain how i felt. It was a terrible feeling. Like this is the end. I told him the only way he could make this right was to go into counseling. And he did, for one week! I dont trust him as far as i can throw him. I also asked him to have her call me & she did. She said that if I she was me-she would be mad. And all she wishes is that we could all be friends. SHe's married w/ a kid too. What the heck were they thinking?

Answer 1

If he has any more of that he wants to spread around, I'd like to have a load of it for my garden......that's first class BS....and we ALL know it!

Answer 2

I don't think you can reward him for that behavior, so you have to request that he break it off clean and never speak to that person again. If it weren't a problem, he wouldn't have hidden it from you, and he wouldn't have lied about it. On the other hand, if you want to save your marriage, you've got to let it go too - but you don't have to tolerate it.

Breaking it off is only the first step. Your second step is a lot tougher - you need to get to the bottom of the relationship problem that makes it easier for him to talk to another woman. Men sometimes fear that if their wife knows they're depressed or need help that they will be seen as weak - so, he'll need your help with that.

Marriage counseling would be a good idea. Don't believe the stereotypes about counseling, or about the reluctance that people have to go. What sports team doesn't have a coach? Why shouldn't your marriage have a professional coach? Imagine how much better you both may feel about one another. Too often, people only seek marital help after the damage is done and then it's too late.

Answer 3

You were right when you asked him about it when you found out and he was man enough to explain. But my darling, He is YOUR husband. If she were so understanding and a decent person she would have told him to "help your wife understand what it is you need to be understood." I do commend your husband for telling you the truth. But now he has to make you his confidant for now and always. I would imagine now you may have trust issues that need to be addressed. God bless.

Geez as far as the "I wish we could all be friends, she is his ex for a reason. He should remember that as well as the fact you are his wife. There's no room for the ex as a friend or otherwise. I can only imagine what her husband thinks of all this.
I know it's hard to realize the one person you've counted on for honesty betrays the marriage. The security you thought you had is shaken up.
Your husband has some homework to do now that he has betrayed your trust. So do you.You are going to have to have an open heart if your marrige has a chance to heal. Maybe counseling for the both of you would be in order.
He didn't think the whole thing out when he went to back to the familiar. I can't imagine he was trying to deliberately jeopardize his relationship with you.
Now you're living the hard part of the vows you both took "for better or worse".
Remind him of them as well. Now you have to get through the worse part, TOGETHER. If you don't let there be any other option besides getting through this together and loving each other still, there will be no other option.

Answer 4

I think it's not right. If he feels he could not talk to you, then something is wrong. I would get marital counseling because I think this is the only way you two will be able to reach out to one another.

I don't mean to be mean by saying that, but it seems like the basic trust and feeling of being able to tell your spouse anything is just not there.
That's trouble for a marriage.

Do this right away, and best of luck to you.

Answer 5

This is tough. It may be perfectly innocent and your husband didn't feel he could tell you because it looks bad. Or maybe he is considering rekindling something that once was. This is a woman who was once very important to him, and he probably still cares for her on some level. My question is, how close does she live? If she is in the area I would be much more concerned than if she were out of state. Your husband may not want you to see him as weak, and if he shows you weakness may think you view him as less of a man.

Answer 6

Yikes. This is a tough one.
I would be really hurt that my husband would do such a thing. The first thing I would ask myself is why? I would consider my husband to me my best friend, hoping he would be able to confide in me in a such a hard time he may be going through. For him to even talk to another women about his personal problems (other than his mom or family member) would tear my heart into two. And again I would ask why?
Are you upset, hurt? You are not stating how you feel. Please add details.
If this happened to me I would be devastated. I would have a serious talk with him and let him know how you feel. What would he have done if you went to your first love?

Answer 7

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck. What does he mean by "only SHE understands him"? Did he even try to talk to you? If she's the only one who understands him, why aren't they together? The lying is the part that would really frost me. If you can't trust each other, you've got nothing. Go to marriage counseling, either alone or together, to see if there is anything worth salvaging here.

Answer 8

I think he's cheating, at least emotionally. He lied to you, that much you know. Personally, I'd leave. I want to be the one that understands my husband, not some ex girl friend. If you're willing to tolerate it, that's your call but living with a liar is a long, rough road.

Answer 9

I think he needs a good kick in the hind end. I think he has betrayed you and his wedding vows--forsaking all others. The obvious question to me is why are you married to him and she's not. I'd have to say he was unfaithful and file for divorce. Sorry, I do not suffer fools. God bless.

Answer 10

Not to good.. Why does he feel like he cannot talk to you sounds like your about to have alot of problems.. you should read up on depression and try to talk to him as much as you can and understand.. Be careful with this on the more time he talks to her and spends together the worse it could be for you!

Answer 11

to be honest,i think your husband is a lying dog."she understands me" that's bull. you need to go to her and say "hey have you been sneaking around with my husband?" confront her. if see gets affended, tell her what you know. if all else fails, go ghetto and cuss her out.